Snake Wine and Chicken Feet

The Chinese government, out of concern for foreign sensibilities, has ordered that dog meat not be served in restaurants during the Olympics. It’s wonderful to know the dogs are safe for a couple of weeks. (No word, however about a similar reprieve for the Lamas in Tibet…)

My brain retains many colorful memories of China, many of which are about food. I have kind of a love/strange relationship with this admittedly mesmerizing country. Sort of like an old romance that continues to fascinate because of its weirdness. Going to China (three times!) was always a bit like going to another planet inhabited by friendly aliens.

In one town we stood outside a shop with crates of little animals on the sidewalk: chickens, ducks, rabbits, snakes, and some other creatures. Naturally we assumed it was a pet store. Strangely, however, there were no more cages inside. Instead, what we saw through the windows was a room full of tables and chairs….filled with people….happily munching on their selections from the sidewalk.

Real Chinese food is whole different universe of gustatory experience.

A fascinating activity is to stroll through an outdoor food market and count the number of dead animals you can’t identify. I made it to about 15 before I gave up. Our guide bragged that his fellow Chinese will eat “anything with 4 legs except a table, and anything that flies except a plane.”

In one nice eatery we were encouraged to try the fried crickets, chicken feet, and duck heads. Seriously. I know what you’re thinking. So how were they? Well, to be brutally, totally, bluntly frank about this, it was the one time in my adult life I can admit I would have been deliriously happy to see a McDonalds. Unless I wind up forgotten in a Turkish prison, lost in the Amazon, or starving in the Sahara, I will gladly leave certain poultry parts to the makers of dog food and fertilizer. And bugs? I refuse to steal the rightful food of birds and small rodents. Even to save face with the locals.

Like George Carlin famously said, “I don’t like eating something it looks like I should step on.”

Later, on a cruise down a river, I was riveted by a large jug of wine sitting on the lounge bar. It was a gallon jug of clear rice wine — with a dead snake in it about the size of the one that tried to eat Harry Potter. Snake wine. I’m not kidding. And, get this, made from a poisonous snake. (You see what I mean about another planet? Who would think of this?) Perhaps you’re saying to yourself, Oh sure, that’s weird, but it’s just some freaky tourist attraction to get people on that boat. My friends, have no doubt that what I tell you is true: snake wine is not only common, it’s a whole industry. (For verification of this, click the link at the bottom. You’ll be amazed.)

So there we were, cruising down this breathtakingly scenic river that had, over the eons, carved out the famous Karst topography which you so often see in hauntingly beautiful Chinese paintings of this area. After a couple of hours on the upper deck, a few of the American males in the group, including myself, went below to sit by the windows, drink beer, and engage in a joke telling session that produced some of the best laughs I’ve had in my whole joking lifetime.

Maybe it was the high level of our happy meter that brought the friendly bar gal over to our table. Whatever the reason, she showed up in the midst of our fun with a big smile and the aforementioned generous jug of snake wine (made from a poisonous snake!) for us to sample.

The thing is, I don’t drink much alcohol, so it affects me pretty quickly. By the time she showed up I’d had a couple of beers (maybe three?) and my resistance, to paraphrase the Borg, was futile. My compliance may also have had something to do with being in the company of four other macho Americans and not wishing to appear wimpish.

So, after a brief toast to the dead snake, we quaffed. As I recall, it tasted a bit like sake. In fact, it tasted exactly like sake. Except for the small piece of snake that got caught in my teeth.

It’ll be interesting to watch the Olympics and see how much of the real China gets through the broadcast filters. With any luck, they’ll be serving chicken feet and snake wine in Olympic Village.

© 2008 Greg Tamblyn, Motivational Humorist and occasional foreign traveler

* To visit Greg’s Group Travel page, click here.

* Click here to learn about snake wine and scorpion wine.

* Click here for pictures of weird food in the markets.

* The news is spreading. Here’s a NY Times article about the Chinese government forbidding serving dog meat at Beijing restaurants during the Olympics.