Nov

Jurassic Henhouse

Posted by admin under UP

In case you missed it, “60 Minutes” recently aired a story about a couple of scientists who have blown the doors off contemporary scientific dogma by discovering a way to recover soft tissue from the bones of dinosaurs. They’ve also found the first actual T-Rex nests and even cracked open the eggs.

Their subsequent efforts to make a dinosaur omelet were met with mixed reviews. It was described as “scrumptious, if chewy, and better with Tabasco.”

But the most intriguing news is they seem quite certain that within five years we’ll be able to switch off the “bird” genes of a chicken, activate the older “dinosaur” genes, and produce a “dino-chicken.” It will be like a mini T-Rex, with teeth, a long tail, and scary little arms instead of wings.

Personally I find this fascinating, mainly because I want to make a pitch for the movie. Instead of another Spielberg thriller, I’m pushing for a Wallace and Gromit clay-mation. It features the following suspenseful developments:

Helpless, unsuspecting pigs, goats, and foxes ripped apart and devoured by sly, predator chickens, having lured them into the hen house with decoy “peeps.”
Halliburton, subsidized by the US Department of Agriculture, makes a fortune selling body armor to farmers.
Colonel Sanders in a pith helmet and safari jacket: “Finger lickin’ dino-chicken!”
Why did the chicken cross the road? To eat your cow.
Free-range chickens? Only in your nightmares.
Smash hit TV shows like “The Chicken Whisperer,” until, tragically, one host loses several body parts.
Breeders of guard-chickens: “Cheaper than Dobermans!”
Trained squads of the little monsters unleashed on the Taliban by the Pentagon.
Insults become praise. “Did you see Corporal Yankovic single-handedly take out that Al Qaeda nest? He’s a total chicken!”
Congress votes to replace the bald eagle with the Dino-Chicken, but China beats us to it.
Chicken hunting season becomes a state holiday in most southern states.
Dick Cheney and Sarah Palin, sponsored by the NRA, take ceremonial first shots at a flock of the little monsters. Dick accidentally shoots Sarah, but doesn’t have time to get off another round….