How You Doin’? (Contest)
“A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you.”
- Bert Leston Taylor.
One of the best things you can give anybody is a little humor jolt when they’re not expecting it. This also does wonders for your own personal endorphin levels. One easy way to do this is to try not to give a serious answer to any question you don’t have to.
And what’s the most common question you get asked every day? It’s some version of “How are you?”
I know what you’re thinking: “But what if I can’t think of anything funny?”
No worries. That’s why I’m here!
A lot of times, “funny” just means “ready.” So for today, we’re coming up with some fun answers to the world’s most common question: “How are you?” Or its popular American cousins, “How ya doin’?” and “How’s it goin’?”
Most of us get asked this question a dozen times a week or more, and we answer habitually. Not only that, most people don’t even want an honest answer because it might be….negative! So we respond with “fine” or “good” or something equally mundane.
But if people ask “how are you?” and you come back with something wacky, they love it. They smile. They remember you. They give you free cookies on the airplane. Sometimes they change their wills and leave you loads of money. (This hasn’t actually happened yet, but I’m hopeful…)
So here’s the deal. Read through the short list of my answers below, then take 10 minutes and brainstorm your own short list. (Even just a couple.) Add ‘em in the comments section below. Let’s see how many great ones we can come up with. At the end of the month I’ll choose one as a “winner.” If that clever person is you, you’ll receive, absolutely free of charge, your own authentic, collectible “Analog Brain in a Digital World” t-shirt (also a great conversation starter, more on that in a future post), PLUS whichever two CDs of mine you’d like. (Already got my CDs and t-shirt? Think holiday gifts.)
But everyone will be a winner, because we will have injected some fun into our days with this little game, which we can continue to inflict on everyone we meet by simply having a few of our favorite answers at the ready!
Cool?
Here we go:
HOW ARE YOU?
- “Parts of me are excellent.” (My current favorite.)
- “In the flow, babe.”
- “Great from the neck down.” (If I have a cold.)
- “Still a bag of happy atoms.”
- “Moderately bewildered.
- “Part pizza, part beer.”
- “I’m so broke I can’t pay attention, but I got plenty o’ love.”
- “Bizarre, yet weird.”
- “Still dangerous.” (Thanks to Bowen White for this one.)
- “Spiffy.”
- “The important parts are fully functional.”
- “Metaphorically or virtually?”
- “I just answered that on Twitter. Don’t you get my tweets?”
Okay – your turn. Cut loose!
(If you haven’t commented on this blog before, your comment won’t appear for a few minutes until it gets approved by admin – meaning me. Patience, grasshopper!)
© 2010 Greg Tamblyn
November 16th, 2010 at 11:59 am
Upright and above ground!
November 16th, 2010 at 12:09 pm
“Slipperier than snot on a brass doorknob” (from my old boss Bob Odom)
November 16th, 2010 at 12:10 pm
As good as a grandmother can be: getting older and loving every minute.
November 16th, 2010 at 12:11 pm
“On a scale of “1″ I’d give myself a solid “1″
November 16th, 2010 at 12:11 pm
“Good, I still have a pulse”
November 16th, 2010 at 12:13 pm
Moderately coherent.
November 16th, 2010 at 12:13 pm
Okay, I give up….how does this work? I type it in and push “submit”. In my world that should work. Nothing further needed. But then often times in my world things are not as easy as they seem. I see it much like having a bowling alley installed in my head.
Unless it’s in Bb or F# I’m often confused.
Now I shall push the ‘submit’ button again….and then go make a latte. Wish me luck – on both counts.
November 16th, 2010 at 12:14 pm
Fully charged and in the on position
Ready, willing and chillin’
Medicated and moderated
Here in the now, brown cow
Randomly good, better and best
Never better in capital letters
November 16th, 2010 at 12:15 pm
“Buckin’ and rearin’”
November 16th, 2010 at 12:16 pm
If I were any better I’d need a twin to share it with.
November 16th, 2010 at 12:17 pm
A few bricks over a full load with worn out shocks.’
November 16th, 2010 at 12:19 pm
Can’t complain — I’ve taken a vow not to.
Hungry, as usual, unfortunately.
Let me check… (pause) …. not too bad!
Good question.
Good question … I’ll have to get back to you.
Fantastic! But I’m getting better.
November 16th, 2010 at 12:19 pm
Overweight, partially bald.
Overweight and hungry, it’s sad.
November 16th, 2010 at 12:19 pm
If I felt any better, they’d have to hire someone to watch me…..
Happier than a pig in a corn crib…
November 16th, 2010 at 12:20 pm
* Upright and taking in nourishment
* Runnin’ on full.
* Still more live than dead.
* Grateful, but don’t get me started.
* On screen-saver mode today.
* Profoundly medium-well.
November 16th, 2010 at 12:21 pm
sunny disposition:
sunsensational
depressed:
get outa my face
titilated:
Could I interest you in a sharing a nectarine
tired:
let me sleep on that question
exuberant:
another high five, baby
philosophical:
I’m in my space, if you can capture that
November 16th, 2010 at 12:21 pm
I’ve had worse days and I’ve had better days, and this is one of them.
Fair to sunny with a chance of ecstatic.
Livin’ the dream, man, livin’ the dream.
Just savin’ the world, one laugh at a time.
Another day in paradise!
November 16th, 2010 at 12:21 pm
Cool and cloudy.
Fair and warmer.
Windy and cold.
Sunny and hot.
Been raining cats and dogs.
In mud up to my neck.
Slushing along.
Riding the waves.
Mushing the team.
Hitting lots of moguls lately.
Dancing on the tables.
Could use a snorkel right about now.
Don’t know. Haven’t had time to check my temperature or pulse today.
My spouse hasn’t told me lately.
Tuning in, turning on, looking up.
I dunno Doc, you tell me.
November 16th, 2010 at 12:22 pm
Better ‘n two frogs fightin’ over a fly that can’t swim!
November 16th, 2010 at 12:22 pm
I’m wonderful, at least that is what my wife tells me.
November 16th, 2010 at 12:23 pm
“Better–now that you’ve asked.” (with emphasis on you)
“Let’s not go there.” (with a wink)
“Better than yesterday, not as good as tomorrow.”
“Still kickin’”
“Let me check–(pause)–better than I realized!”
November 16th, 2010 at 12:27 pm
Every little cell in my body is happy!
November 16th, 2010 at 12:29 pm
Fair to partly cloudy.
Too early to say.
November 16th, 2010 at 12:29 pm
My Zen side is pranically enlightened…however and since you asked, I have been struggling to comprehend the true karmic relevance of Billy Ray Cyrus’ song; “Achy Breaky Heart”
November 16th, 2010 at 12:31 pm
Hey Greg!! How be thou? Ha!
Ok my response…
“Great, but keep your distance.”
“Still Breathing”
“Excellent, do you have the money you owe me?”
“Now that I’m a clone, Great!”
“80% water”
November 16th, 2010 at 12:32 pm
Somewhere between lovely and perfect.
November 16th, 2010 at 12:34 pm
To the psychic asking the question: “I don’t know you tell me.”
November 16th, 2010 at 12:36 pm
Mildew-ing !
November 16th, 2010 at 12:37 pm
Answers the semi-deaf, sensual, middle aged man dreamer: “Mae West”
November 16th, 2010 at 12:39 pm
still sittin’ up and takin’ nourishment
vertical and warm
November 16th, 2010 at 12:45 pm
Finer than frog’s hair
November 16th, 2010 at 12:46 pm
How you doin’? Answers the semi-deaf, sensual, middle aged man dreamer: “Mae Westâ€
November 16th, 2010 at 12:46 pm
Not sure,I’ll have my voices call your voices
November 16th, 2010 at 12:47 pm
Mostly major
Dominant with an augmented fifth
Delightful, Delicious and sugar free!
Not abducted by aliens…. Recently
Big-titted and web-toed
Simply marble-less
Gluten free
November 16th, 2010 at 12:47 pm
How you doin’? Better than blue!
November 16th, 2010 at 12:49 pm
Why do you ask?
My husband’s favorite is:
I am not unwell, thank you.
November 16th, 2010 at 12:53 pm
“Shining like diamonds at the Oscar’s”
“Incredibly mediocre”
“Unbelievably average”
November 16th, 2010 at 12:55 pm
Doing what?
I’m NOT doing; I’m just being!
Hmm…let me get a perspective on my perspectives
Out of the rut and into the groove!
The strain of pain is mainly in the brain
.I’m Suffering from a Sexually Transmitted Disease – Children!
November 16th, 2010 at 12:57 pm
In this life or in my previous ones?
I am totally in the zone.
Cloudy with a chance of constipation.
November 16th, 2010 at 1:01 pm
If I’m feeling a bit evil, I tell them my doctor just told me I have cancer. And I only have 30 days to live. And on top of that my wife left me. And I lost my job. And I’m broke, etc.
Makes them squirm something awful. And then I crack a little smile which let’s them off the hook.
Some others:
Why, I’m spiritually preferred. Can’t you tell?
I’m not sure. What do you think?
It depends. Can I borrow some money? (straight face required)
I forget.(add prolonged stupid look)
That’s one of them there trick questions – isn’t it?
Look dreamily off into the distance and say, “Hmm, I’ll have to think about that.” Ignore any attempts to bring you back to Earth with, “No, no, wait, it’s coming to me.” (wild-eyed look is optional)
November 16th, 2010 at 1:02 pm
Pretty gosh darn swell!
Any day above ground is a good one (my friend Doyle always says that)
Extraordinary! Excellent! Terrific! Beyond description!… how about you?
November 16th, 2010 at 1:05 pm
“Fine as frog’s hair” as my late husband always said.
“Still on this side of the grass” was another favorite.
November 16th, 2010 at 1:07 pm
Is this a trick question?
Six feet above ground and no one is shooting at me!
Better than you!
November 16th, 2010 at 1:11 pm
I’m Good! How could I be anything else?
Florida………(I used to say this to my then husband, Jimmy,
when he would say howareya (Hawaii). He
didn’t get it……..
November 16th, 2010 at 1:13 pm
Good game Greg. Here goes:
Possible creative answers to a standard mundane greeting: How are you?
Terrible – the doctor says I only have 70 years to live.
Since everything’s a miracle, I guess I must be OK. (all credit to Greg Tamblyn for this one)
I’m fine, but my brain cell is lonely.
Just cruising along here in the space time continuum.
I’m in mourning for my 7 billion skin cells that died yesterday.
I’m like wow man – far-out.
Nothing fatal, so far.
November 16th, 2010 at 1:15 pm
My response to that deep philosophical question varies depending upon my mood and the person asking the question.
I’m fantastic, and so are you.
If I was any better I’d have to be twins.
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not sure.
I feel like I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
November 16th, 2010 at 1:15 pm
Reasonably swell. Thanks for asking.
November 16th, 2010 at 1:18 pm
Why thank you for asking…
I’m commodiusly firm and delighted!
November 16th, 2010 at 1:21 pm
I’m so good I can hardly stand it!
November 16th, 2010 at 1:29 pm
Good … (big grin) … I’m gettin’ better by the moment!
PS. It is a great conversation starter.
November 16th, 2010 at 1:32 pm
I’m crazy, God’s crazy.
Hanging on, like a cat on a ceiling.
November 16th, 2010 at 1:35 pm
Achin’ to get movin’
A day younger than I will be tomorrow.
November 16th, 2010 at 1:37 pm
Absolutely fantastic. Uh, then again, are you in law enforcement?
November 16th, 2010 at 1:38 pm
Still prone to be vertical
November 16th, 2010 at 1:40 pm
“Not sure. I’ll have to google that first.”
“My iphone app says I’m fine.”
November 16th, 2010 at 1:40 pm
How you doin’ (asked on a down day)? Shaken not stirred.
November 16th, 2010 at 1:41 pm
Wonderfully hungry.
Fair to middlin’.
I need a nap and some cuddles.
November 16th, 2010 at 1:45 pm
“If I was any better it would be illegal.”
November 16th, 2010 at 1:47 pm
Better than a birdhouse nailed to a tree in a windstorm
Better than kthose poor Southwest Airlines passengers who were flattened on their way to the plane by faster customers
Doubly Blessed – happy and alive
November 16th, 2010 at 1:50 pm
@stan: GOTCHA! when I read your “That’s one of them there trick questions – isn’t it?†I knowed right quick that you wernt no reel south’ner, becuz you dint say it rite. Git u some lernin; boy! Shoulda been:
Uh, now, I reckon that’s one of them there trick questions – ain’t it?
(Best punctuated with a spit o’ chawin’ tobaccy)
@ Lydia- luv ‘em, you GO gurl!!!
my favorite answer to give to this question, (but I am judicious about who I say this to):
-and it must be delivered with a generous amount of sass-
Better than your wildest dreams, baby! And you?
November 16th, 2010 at 1:53 pm
“Every day that I am looking down at the grass, and not up at it, is a perfect day.”
“Good! …and getting better!!”
“If I got any better, I’d have to be twins, to keep it all in!”
“Any day I am moving enough air in and out to complain about something…is a day on which I NOTHING to complain about.”
“I can turn great at the drop of a hat, and beat the hat to the floor nine times out of ten.” (That one isn’t quite logically sequential, but makes ‘em think…)
“Now that I’ve met (seen, visited with, etc.) you, I just went past perfect.”
“If great were gas, I’d be a refinery!”
November 16th, 2010 at 1:57 pm
How you doin’? Great! Just pondering whether dogs sniffing butts constitutes a form of early “sexting”!
November 16th, 2010 at 1:57 pm
“…up to my gill slits in river mud, but still bucking the current.”
November 16th, 2010 at 2:04 pm
Blessed by the best and praying for the rest
November 16th, 2010 at 2:11 pm
The TSA scanner said I’m looking great!
November 16th, 2010 at 2:14 pm
Six of one,half dozen of the other.
November 16th, 2010 at 2:19 pm
Bever been netter!
November 16th, 2010 at 2:19 pm
Vertically fine- horizontally even better!
November 16th, 2010 at 2:25 pm
Depends on who’s asking and what time it is.
November 16th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
~ Sparkling!
~ The voices say we’re fine, thank you.
November 16th, 2010 at 3:06 pm
Since I am a proffesional flight attendant and fly as a passaenger quite abit also;
How am I doing?
1. My bottom (ass) is so flat from this long flight I need an air pump to fill er up again!
2. I am so jet lagged I can’t even speak a proper sentence cause my brain hasn’t caught up with my body yet!!
3. I met a collegue that told me she has so much GAS when we fly that she can humm and fart out at the same time the entire National Anthum!
Thanks for the gag Gregg
November 16th, 2010 at 3:07 pm
I’ve been better but I can’t remember when it was.
November 16th, 2010 at 3:14 pm
Relax….As far as I know, i’m not contagious
Why are you lookin’ at me like that?
Why is everybody alluva sudden so concerned ’bout how I’m doin?
Well, officer, I know this might look suspicious,but I want to assure you there’s a good explanation… but right now I just don’t know what it is.
November 16th, 2010 at 3:15 pm
Couldn’t be better…. because if I could, I would.
November 16th, 2010 at 3:17 pm
(sigh) Don’t ask.
November 16th, 2010 at 3:22 pm
I’m good but the rest of me’s a little iffy.
November 16th, 2010 at 3:23 pm
Feel even more like I do today than I did yesterday!
Happier than a redneck at a NASCAR race!
November 16th, 2010 at 3:24 pm
Wicked Awesome…
Particularly Realevant…
Intellectually Aware…
Emotionally Uninvolved…
Practicing Inner Peace….
Considerably more at peace than I was on tuesday afternoon a week ago before last…
Progressively Understanding…
Ambivolent in a detached sort of way…
At peace, yet not dead yet…
November 16th, 2010 at 3:24 pm
I ain’t had this much fun since the hog ate my little brother.
November 16th, 2010 at 3:49 pm
I’m Ethereal
November 16th, 2010 at 3:49 pm
If I were any better I’d have to be twins!
November 16th, 2010 at 3:51 pm
Better then the average bear!
Above ground and breathing!
Still breathing!
Fanfrigging-tastic!
Better then a one -armed paper hanger!
Well I’m not in the obituaries!
November 16th, 2010 at 3:53 pm
Answer on a VERY hot day: “Hotter than Georgia asphalt.”
Still kickin.
Chompin at the bit.
November 16th, 2010 at 3:55 pm
Better than nothin’!
November 16th, 2010 at 4:04 pm
“Yes, thank you for asking.”
(Thoughtfully): “Really, really strange….”
“Depends on the context.”
“Yes.”
Q: “Whacha doin’?” A: “Listening to the ringing in my ears.”
Q: “What’s happenin’? A: “Fine, and yours
November 16th, 2010 at 4:08 pm
“Right brain or left?”
November 16th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
I’m not dead yet (spoken with best cockney accent)
Cookin’ with gas!
November 16th, 2010 at 4:16 pm
If I were doing any better I would vibrating at such a high frequency I would just disappear from your view!
November 16th, 2010 at 4:29 pm
how you doin
meow
delicious
(tired is the answer i hear most)
bene et tu (latin for “good and you”)
I feel like a friday (or enter another day of the week)
its not the apocalypse yet
feeling like a bowling pin
great, only have 36 hours of work left today!
November 16th, 2010 at 4:36 pm
When asked how I am, I give them my best smile and say “I’m as happy as if I had good sense!”
November 16th, 2010 at 4:42 pm
How much time have you got?
November 16th, 2010 at 4:42 pm
or should that be: How much time do you have?
November 16th, 2010 at 4:50 pm
Fine as wine and twice as sweet!
November 16th, 2010 at 5:11 pm
Havin; more fun then squarshin tadpoles in a warm mud puddle!
Feeling really glad that I reversed that last sex change.
November 16th, 2010 at 5:30 pm
Hip deep in sheep dip
Fair to middlin’
Still above ground
November 16th, 2010 at 5:32 pm
I’m still combobulating. I’ll let you know.
November 16th, 2010 at 5:53 pm
Vibrating with love.
November 16th, 2010 at 6:15 pm
Baz, the old guy who lives on the street in front of my bosses place says, “stayin’ out of trouble”.
Odd thing is, his nick name for me is “Trouble”.
I just had a cold:
“dealin’ with hyperactive mucus”.
I knew a guy that would say, “I have enormous hapenis”,
or “sportin’ low tote scrote”.
More?:
As comfortable as a computer without pants.
Gettin’ into all kinds of mischief.
Contemplating hunting for wild tuckus.
Like Bohemian Rapsody turned up to 11.
Feelin’ free and clear as a good colonoscopy.
Obscurity knocked, I gotta go get my spludger.
I could come up with more, but it seems you’ve already got a good collection on the site, already.
Ali
November 16th, 2010 at 6:18 pm
I’m Fine….you know ..F%#*ed up…insecure…neurotic…and emotional !!!
November 16th, 2010 at 6:20 pm
or how about Mr. Bluebird is not on my shoulder
November 16th, 2010 at 6:22 pm
Meg took by favorite:
Couldn’t be better! (If I could I would.)
Blissfully retired
I’m feeling fine but the other 4 senses haven’t checked in yet today
November 16th, 2010 at 6:50 pm
Limp and loose and full of juice.
How ya going? By space shuttle.
Still grappling with god
Gangrenous
Feisty
Happier ‘n a croc in a swimming hole.
Fragile, but still fighting.
Sharper ‘n broken glass
November 16th, 2010 at 6:51 pm
I’m feeling more like I do now than I did when I came in. Thanks.
Just ………yielding to the present moment………….
November 16th, 2010 at 7:00 pm
SPECTACULAR!
November 16th, 2010 at 7:00 pm
Aged to Perfection
Terminally confused
November 16th, 2010 at 7:01 pm
I feel happy, oh so Happy, It’s alarming ,how charming I feel!
(from West Side Story) and I usually sing it.
November 16th, 2010 at 7:08 pm
Slow to boot up, but still intell(igent) inside.
November 16th, 2010 at 7:23 pm
On a great day:
Finer’n a frog hair split seven ways!!
(works best when pronounced slowly with multi-syllable diphthongs–it’s a Southern thing)
If I was any finer I’d need reading glasses to look in the mirror.
When I’m tired:
When I’ve checked in with myself, I’ll let you know.
On paranoid days:
Who? Me? …or…
Why do you ask? Do you know something I don’t know?
If I’m sick:
I’m good…but I’m not well
November 16th, 2010 at 8:00 pm
great, now that i see you
back on the horse again, and you
happier than a pig in shit
great, i just got fired…
very gratiful and you
November 16th, 2010 at 8:15 pm
Dinkum!! and dammed skippy!!
November 16th, 2010 at 8:55 pm
alarmingly enthusiastic
November 16th, 2010 at 8:56 pm
Up to my eyeballs in alligators!
November 16th, 2010 at 9:25 pm
Anser #1..You are REALLY putting the pressure on me today!!Answer#2 Come back in about an hour or so for the answer.
Anser #3 Undecided
November 16th, 2010 at 9:52 pm
1% better than yesterday.
November 16th, 2010 at 9:55 pm
Blessed but Challenged .
Can’t say as I know .
Better than I think .
Well…There you go .
Pull’n into the station .
Right side up .
Reckon I’ve been better .
Too up to be down .
Too down to be up .
This time?
That’s what I’ve been thinking .
Too much and not enough .
November 16th, 2010 at 10:08 pm
1. I have no clue
2. Peachy keen, jelly bean!
3. Do ya have all day?
4. I’m fine, Polly Prissy Pants (courtesy Cartman, South Park)
5. What the hell? Leave me alone, or I’m gonna be shitty!
November 16th, 2010 at 10:12 pm
I’m open to suggestions.
Peachy keen!
Groovy great!
Extraordinarily ordinary.
November 16th, 2010 at 10:32 pm
Yes, I think so!
Without
O.K., …so far!
Been there….done that
I’m Bein’
It’s all good!
November 16th, 2010 at 10:37 pm
How’m I doin’?
If I was any happier, they’d drug test me.
Vertically challenged, but horizontally gifted.
THEY sent you to ask that, didn’t they?
I swear, if one more person asks me how I’m, doing, I’m going to show them!
I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.
Why? How SHOULD I be doing? Am I doing it wrong?
How am I? Better than some, worse than others.
Did you ask me How I am, or WHO I am?
Much better since the sex change.
I’m better than is legally allowed by state law.
I’m ok, but I think my sons come from the evil universe.
Um, before I answer that, is this the good universe, or the evil universe.
I’m great, but then, I’m the evil twin.
November 16th, 2010 at 10:40 pm
Upstanding, down-towning, outsmarting and incredible!
Well, thanks. And THAT’s a deep topic.
It’s not the “how” that puzzles me. It’s the “what”!
November 16th, 2010 at 11:07 pm
Finer than Frog Fur!
November 16th, 2010 at 11:10 pm
Happier than a pig in mud.
Any better n I’d be dangerous.
Definitely glass half full.
Who else wants to know?
Just feed me chocolate!
November 16th, 2010 at 11:12 pm
sittin on ready and rockin on go!!
too blessed to be stressed!!
if I got any better I’d have to be cloned!!
November 16th, 2010 at 11:17 pm
Depending on how well I know the person and if they enjoy my warped sense of humor I won’t have to edit my response, but I love to say:
“Hunky-effing-dorrie” (I don’t always use the cleaned up version here) I do get laughs with this one
Fantabulous (a nod to Van Morrison)
“Some days I’m floating on my back and some days I’m doing the Doggie Paddle!” and then we smile!
November 16th, 2010 at 11:31 pm
Still Breathing!
November 16th, 2010 at 11:41 pm
Greg, Its amazing how the universe works. I needed this TODAY of all days
I only have a couple, but sure enjoyed all of these. So here it goes. When someone says,”how are you?”
1. Vertical
2. 6 feet above ground
3. I’m being realistic, and expecting a Miracle…how bout you?
4. In the moment
5. 53… ( I love this, because then people talk to you loudly because they think you can’t hear them…hehe)
6…..on that same thought…” A girl shouldn’t have to reveal that”
November 16th, 2010 at 11:54 pm
How are you?
~ Stranger than fiction
~In a hurry!
~ Feelin’ groovy
~Squeamish
~ Who’s on first?
~ Bold, crisp, sophisticated and sparkling, with just a hint of unemployed.
~ Thankful!
November 17th, 2010 at 1:09 am
Wow. After the 10 minutes it took to read every comment, (and good luck picking the best!) I still say….”compared to what?”
November 17th, 2010 at 1:12 am
It’s kind of exciting being moderated! (hee, hee)
November 17th, 2010 at 1:24 am
I’m good….. and so am I!
November 17th, 2010 at 7:03 am
Better for being asked!
Holding my own.
Loving Life!
November 17th, 2010 at 8:59 am
Why do you ask??
November 17th, 2010 at 9:12 am
I AM
November 17th, 2010 at 10:48 am
If I don’t know the person, and am in a bad mood, I say
“Who wants to know?”
Whwn I make a delivery and they ask How ya doin’? :
The Cubs lost again. Whaddya YOU think?
Hey. We’re in paradise. What can I say? (I live in Honolulu)
I’m a nani okole (NAH-knee is a Hawaiian word for small, tiny, etc. o-KOH-lay is the Hawaiian word for your butt. When I get the quizzical looks, I say:
“I’m a little behind.” (schedule)
I’m so glad you’re interested in my personal welfare. That just makes my day!
The world is going to hell in a handbasket. When they agree, I go all Zen on them: But, remember, my child. There are more people than problems. All you have to do is… something.
November 17th, 2010 at 11:47 am
This is great Greg. You have your work cut out for you. There are alot of gems in the responses. I have my favorites, maybe we should vote too.
(Here’s mine…just two, my funny side must be asleep right now.)
1. I feel radiant and full of love, I hope you do too.
2. I like a good laugh, got a good joke?
November 17th, 2010 at 1:56 pm
“Still able to tear toilet paper”. As told to me by my Grandfather
November 17th, 2010 at 3:10 pm
I be know’n, grow’n, glow’n, show’n and can’t do better’n dat!
November 17th, 2010 at 4:04 pm
On a good day: “Sunny side up!”
On a difficult day: “Scrambled, but with mushrooms.”
On a tiring day: “Runnin’ on empty.”
Old answer, from my childhood: “Full of vim, vigor & vitality – how ’bout you?”
Finally from my 96 year-old mother: “Pedaling along behind, as fast as I can.”
November 17th, 2010 at 4:22 pm
“I am Hopefule!”
November 17th, 2010 at 4:27 pm
You first. I need a baseline.
Better than yesterday and can’t wait for tomorrow.
November 17th, 2010 at 5:07 pm
Better and better and better every day in every way! “Thank you Jose Silva”
Fair to Midland half way to Odessa, how ’bout you?- that’s a Texas saying
Busier than a one armed paper hanger in a high wind!
Honey, I don’t think I could be any better, how you doin? -said with a southern drawl
Perfect!
Swell
November 17th, 2010 at 5:36 pm
Thanks, Greg! Here are mine:
Gettin’ by
A bubble off plumb
Same shit different day
Cautiously optimistic
Livin’ lovin’ laughin’
November 17th, 2010 at 5:56 pm
How ya doing?
1. I’m still living so everything’s okay.
2. Just dandy
3. Super-d-duper
4. My life is like a country western song.
5. Okaley, dokaley
6. Still breathing
7. Scrapily
How’s it going?
8. Full speed ahead
9. Down like a submarine
10. Gangbusters
11. Round and round
12. Slowly but steadily
November 17th, 2010 at 6:14 pm
I’m fine but sometimes this little tooth itches (delivered while scratching one of your front teeth)
I’m just 1 brick short of a full load
I’m happier than a pig in a new mud puddle
November 17th, 2010 at 6:23 pm
Greg,
Please Twitter also
http://twitter.com/#!/paulvalens
See you,
Paul
November 17th, 2010 at 7:07 pm
1) Well, I woke up breathing … and that’s always a good thing.
2) Give me a couple of minutes … I just arrived on this planet and haven’t formulated an opinion yet … we didn’t have those the last place I was at.
3) Pretty great … I think the Doc did a good job on my frontal lobotomy … what do you think? See any twitches I should be aware of?
4) (Whip out a cell phone, pretend to dial number): Hey, God – it’s Kirsten. How am I doing? I know I was good yesterday, but how’s today going so far?
5) GREAT! My new dog food diet’s going REALLY well!
6) (Bust out laughing really loud): Oh, man … somebody pinch me so I can wake up … I KNOW I’m still dreaming!
7) (Put out hand, making person shake hands with you, then): Not too bad considering I just had to fish my contact lens out of the toilet.
November 17th, 2010 at 7:39 pm
Freeze: then say, “What?!? You mean you can see me?”
November 17th, 2010 at 7:44 pm
[...] running a contest for the best answers. Scoot over to Greg’s blog, guffaw at the entries, and post your [...]
November 17th, 2010 at 8:57 pm
Not as good as I was, but better than I was before I got as bad as I am now.
November 17th, 2010 at 9:33 pm
I’m sound.
November 18th, 2010 at 3:04 am
I get good mileage with starting with taking my own pulse then [choose one]:
I’ve got a pulse!
Hmmmm. Can I get back to you?
Hang on. [thoughtful pulse-taking] Whew! Yeah, it’s there. Fine! Just fine!
I need a doctor!
-OTHER FAVES-
Funny you should ask…
Unfathomably blissful!
Adequate. [This always starts a conversation. Then I explain that I was reading a self-help book once that said, "You are adequate to life and life is adequate to you" and I thought that sounded kinda pathetic so I looked it up and 'adequate' means 'exactly what's needed - nothing more or less.' So it really has no negative connotations!]
November 18th, 2010 at 10:07 am
Fair to partly, partly scattered…
Another beautiful day cooped up in Paradise! (ie. Santa Fe, NM)
Perfect!
I am just an illusion… What a wonderful imagination you have!
November 18th, 2010 at 5:10 pm
Some of my body parts are showing their age,my mind wanders sometimes because it seems to forget where it’s going but my spirit is indomitable.
November 18th, 2010 at 9:14 pm
I’m fabulous , it’s my vehicle that’s being whimpy
November 19th, 2010 at 10:51 am
Great Comments!!
Here we go:
Any better and it would be illegal!
Fair to partly cloudy.
Motating in a forward fasion.
Splendiferous!
Brand spankin’ happy!
November 19th, 2010 at 1:44 pm
Very carefully, carefreely, freely fully caring thank you! Perhaps better than you now trying to figure out what I just said, eh?
November 19th, 2010 at 4:08 pm
Fine as frog hair
November 19th, 2010 at 4:29 pm
I’m awake… I think…
November 20th, 2010 at 2:16 pm
Doin good? How are YOU?
(from my son, Micah who was always honestly interested in the other person and what was going on with them)
I feel like I’m 40 thousand feet in the air and upside down! (my elder friend, Tom, especially as he moved into Alz)
Busy… In fact, I am Busier than a cat covered with tuna! (my Aunt O’Detta
Fair to Middlin
As well as can be expected…(my mom)
Like a mule…Doing the best that I can… It’s all a mule can do.
Often said by my mother and told to her by Grace Moye, a Unity Friend of hers)
I am thanking God for my wonderful and perfect life!
(from my Aunt O’Detta – who was married in the 1940′s at Unity Village by Charles. Fillmore. Her philosophy and spirituality have been exemplified in her actions, comments and responses….nearly always. What a great mentor she was for me!
)
November 21st, 2010 at 8:56 am
One word reply with pained expression gets ‘em every time!
“GAS”
November 21st, 2010 at 11:54 am
You do NOT want to know that !!!
November 21st, 2010 at 5:45 pm
I am outrageously blessed and you?
November 21st, 2010 at 10:00 pm
additional entry : Just fine. BUT I’ve been known to lie.
November 22nd, 2010 at 9:59 pm
I’m happy!
November 23rd, 2010 at 6:44 am
I broke my arm, trying to have sex while hang gliding. And how are you?
November 23rd, 2010 at 11:50 pm
I read your respones on my braille laptop (yes, I am blind.)
1) steadily maturing and growing in wisdom, like a fine wine.
2) still connecting the “dots” and raising “cane” in a Braille, Braille, Braille, Braille world.
3) I’m so high, I should be bottled and shared!
4) How’m I doing? Flowin’ along on the river of life. Wanna come along?
5) Some days I show up empty. But Today? I’m only a ham sandwhich shy of a really good picnic!
November 24th, 2010 at 10:14 pm
I don’t know if I’m horseback or a foot!
November 28th, 2010 at 1:37 pm
about as happy as a bedbug in a nudist colony…………
November 28th, 2010 at 1:56 pm
* living juicy!
*counting my blessings
* ready for fun
*frisky and playful
(and i love janelle’s answer, sung to “west side story”
Ifeel happy, oh so happy, it’s alarming how charming i feel)
November 28th, 2010 at 2:41 pm
inordinately well
November 28th, 2010 at 3:09 pm
Better than I was, as best I can, but not as good as tomorow.
Still running loose
Above average, out of date, overthinking and under silly impressions
November 28th, 2010 at 3:23 pm
(1) I’m in pretty good shape, for the shape I’m in![courtesy of Y'landi]
(2) Oh, I’m very how! [Thank you, Pooh!]
(3) Too blessed to be stressed!
November 28th, 2010 at 3:58 pm
Terminally blissed!
November 28th, 2010 at 5:10 pm
Even better when I’m “being”!
November 28th, 2010 at 11:00 pm
If I was any happier, it would probably be illegal!
November 29th, 2010 at 10:52 am
Terrific – but I’m getting better.
November 29th, 2010 at 11:08 am
Sometimes I feel diagonally parked in a parallel universe
November 29th, 2010 at 11:13 am
Percolating on the slow-drip mode, hope to pick it up to electri-perk soon.
November 29th, 2010 at 2:55 pm
Happy as a clam… at high tide!
November 29th, 2010 at 3:26 pm
Just another dopeless hope fiend!
November 29th, 2010 at 5:38 pm
Excellent to outstanding! And you?
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocias!
November 30th, 2010 at 1:45 am
UPON GROWING OLDER
By Mary Otto Faktor c 1990
HOW AM I??? YOU Really want to know???
One day as I studied my face in the mirror,
I suddenly felt a cold tremor of fear.
For left of my eye, and right of my ear,
The first signs of a wrinkle began to appear.
Oh, when did this dreaded event first take place?
I’m not ready to cope yet with lines on my face.
I’m still learning to deal with kneecaps that sag;
And hips that resemble a packed saddlebag.
My hourglass figure is shifting its sand.
I don’t quite recall when it got out of hand.
My gums are receding, and so is my hair.
My teeth are in constant need of repair.
My once smooth, firm thighs look like curd cottage cheese,
And my contact lens pops out whenever I sneeze.
My once perky chest has considerable droop,
But my hair has no gray, thanks to that Clairol goop.
I broke off my bridge on some candy I bit,
And I’ve got great big dimples…
on the checks where I sit.
I can’t eat friend chicken, ‘cause that gives me gas;
And my hemorrhoids are really a pain in the….neck.
My bladder? It’s worthless! I live in the john!
Just one cup of coffee or tea, and I’m gone.
Varicose veins? Mine resemble a map,
And I can’t make the day with no afternoon nap.
My rear-end is spreading, and so is my waist.
For Geritol, I have developed a taste!
I bought stock in Midol, my cramps are so bad,
And my sinus is driving me stark-raving mad.
My bunions are throbbing. My elbows are stiff.
I snore when I sleep, and I cough when I sniff.
And it gets even worse…Mother Nature plays dirty.
She made all this start on the day I turned thirty!
But all these conditions, I’ll cope with…with ease;
Each day in this life that gives no guarantees.
If between the right now, and the time I depart,
I continue to always stay young in my heart.
November 30th, 2010 at 9:28 pm
“I asked you first!” (that will confuse them!)
YUMMY!
ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS, YA WANNA A BITE?
“Still fresh, but the use-by date is approaching.”
A bit stale but haven’t passed my “use-by” date yet.
“Ready to rock and roll!”
“Starbuckinated”
“All smoothied-up and ready for the day”
December 4th, 2010 at 4:42 pm
Pretty and toned
Ready for a kiss
December 7th, 2010 at 11:26 am
Can I get back to you on that tomorrow?
How much is the answer worth?
Digital Answer:
At my age, I’m doin’ great if I can “boot up” in the morning.
Considering my age, I’m only buying ripe bananas from now on.
December 7th, 2010 at 10:35 pm
As good as I can be without being better
Supercalifragilisticexpialedotious
Better
Haven’t had so much fun since Grandmother fell off the porch and broke her leg