How You Doin’? (Contest)

Posted by admin under UP

“A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you.
- Bert Leston Taylor.

One of the best things you can give anybody is a little humor jolt when they’re not expecting it. This also does wonders for your own personal endorphin levels. One easy way to do this is to try not to give a serious answer to any question you don’t have to.

And what’s the most common question you get asked every day? It’s some version of “How are you?”

I know what you’re thinking: “But what if I can’t think of anything funny?”

No worries. That’s why I’m here!

A lot of times, “funny” just means “ready.” So for today, we’re coming up with some fun answers to the world’s most common question: “How are you?” Or its popular American cousins, “How ya doin’?” and “How’s it goin’?”

Most of us get asked this question a dozen times a week or more, and we answer habitually. Not only that, most people don’t even want an honest answer because it might be….negative! So we respond with “fine” or “good” or something equally mundane.

But if people ask “how are you?” and you come back with something wacky, they love it. They smile. They remember you. They give you free cookies on the airplane. Sometimes they change their wills and leave you loads of money. (This hasn’t actually happened yet, but I’m hopeful…)

So here’s the deal. Read through the short list of my answers below, then take 10 minutes and brainstorm your own short list. (Even just a couple.) Add ‘em in the comments section below. Let’s see how many great ones we can come up with. At the end of the month I’ll choose one as a “winner.” If that clever person is you, you’ll receive, absolutely free of charge, your own authentic, collectible “Analog Brain in a Digital World” t-shirt (also a great conversation starter, more on that in a future post), PLUS whichever two CDs of mine you’d like. (Already got my CDs and t-shirt? Think holiday gifts.)

But everyone will be a winner, because we will have injected some fun into our days with this little game, which we can continue to inflict on everyone we meet by simply having a few of our favorite answers at the ready!

Cool?

Here we go:

HOW ARE YOU?

  • “Parts of me are excellent.” (My current favorite.)
  • “In the flow, babe.”
  • “Great from the neck down.” (If I have a cold.)
  • “Still a bag of happy atoms.”
  • “Moderately bewildered.
  • “Part pizza, part beer.”
  • “I’m so broke I can’t pay attention, but I got plenty o’ love.”
  • “Bizarre, yet weird.”
  • “Still dangerous.” (Thanks to Bowen White for this one.)
  • “Spiffy.”
  • “The important parts are fully functional.”
  • “Metaphorically or virtually?”
  • “I just answered that on Twitter. Don’t you get my tweets?”

Okay – your turn. Cut loose!

(If you haven’t commented on this blog before, your comment won’t appear for a few minutes until it gets approved by admin – meaning me. Patience, grasshopper!)

© 2010 Greg Tamblyn

187 Responses to “How You Doin’? (Contest)”
  1. Deborah Hollis Says:

    Upright and above ground!

  2. Tod Says:

    “Slipperier than snot on a brass doorknob” (from my old boss Bob Odom)

  3. Bethany Hays Says:

    As good as a grandmother can be: getting older and loving every minute.

  4. Jerry Ranger Says:

    “On a scale of “1″ I’d give myself a solid “1″

  5. Jai Says:

    “Good, I still have a pulse”

  6. Bob Keeney Says:

    Moderately coherent.

  7. Jerry Ranger Says:

    Okay, I give up….how does this work? I type it in and push “submit”. In my world that should work. Nothing further needed. But then often times in my world things are not as easy as they seem. I see it much like having a bowling alley installed in my head.

    Unless it’s in Bb or F# I’m often confused.

    Now I shall push the ‘submit’ button again….and then go make a latte. Wish me luck – on both counts.

  8. Lydia Pettijohn Says:

    Fully charged and in the on position

    Ready, willing and chillin’

    Medicated and moderated

    Here in the now, brown cow

    Randomly good, better and best

    Never better in capital letters

  9. linda ayala Says:

    “Buckin’ and rearin’”

  10. Karen Says:

    If I were any better I’d need a twin to share it with.

  11. Robert Johnson Says:

    A few bricks over a full load with worn out shocks.’

  12. Tom Hadley Says:

    Can’t complain — I’ve taken a vow not to.
    Hungry, as usual, unfortunately.
    Let me check… (pause) …. not too bad!
    Good question.
    Good question … I’ll have to get back to you.
    Fantastic! But I’m getting better.

  13. Andrew Jason Says:

    Overweight, partially bald.

    Overweight and hungry, it’s sad.

  14. Mary LaFever Says:

    If I felt any better, they’d have to hire someone to watch me…..

    Happier than a pig in a corn crib…

  15. Bill Tammeus Says:

    * Upright and taking in nourishment
    * Runnin’ on full.
    * Still more live than dead.
    * Grateful, but don’t get me started.
    * On screen-saver mode today.
    * Profoundly medium-well.

  16. Phil Kimball Says:

    sunny disposition:
    sunsensational

    depressed:
    get outa my face

    titilated:
    Could I interest you in a sharing a nectarine

    tired:
    let me sleep on that question

    exuberant:
    another high five, baby

    philosophical:
    I’m in my space, if you can capture that

  17. Cheryl Brown Says:

    I’ve had worse days and I’ve had better days, and this is one of them.
    Fair to sunny with a chance of ecstatic.
    Livin’ the dream, man, livin’ the dream.
    Just savin’ the world, one laugh at a time.
    Another day in paradise!

  18. Ellen Swanson Says:

    Cool and cloudy.
    Fair and warmer.
    Windy and cold.
    Sunny and hot.
    Been raining cats and dogs.
    In mud up to my neck.
    Slushing along.
    Riding the waves.
    Mushing the team.
    Hitting lots of moguls lately.
    Dancing on the tables.
    Could use a snorkel right about now.
    Don’t know. Haven’t had time to check my temperature or pulse today.
    My spouse hasn’t told me lately.
    Tuning in, turning on, looking up.
    I dunno Doc, you tell me.

  19. Tod Says:

    Better ‘n two frogs fightin’ over a fly that can’t swim!

  20. Charles Garney Says:

    I’m wonderful, at least that is what my wife tells me.

  21. Bob Price Says:

    “Better–now that you’ve asked.” (with emphasis on you)

    “Let’s not go there.” (with a wink)

    “Better than yesterday, not as good as tomorrow.”

    “Still kickin’”

    “Let me check–(pause)–better than I realized!”

  22. Bay Says:

    Every little cell in my body is happy!

  23. Richard Crane Says:

    Fair to partly cloudy.

    Too early to say.

  24. Tod Says:

    My Zen side is pranically enlightened…however and since you asked, I have been struggling to comprehend the true karmic relevance of Billy Ray Cyrus’ song; “Achy Breaky Heart”

  25. Doug Cristafir Says:

    Hey Greg!! How be thou? Ha!

    Ok my response…

    “Great, but keep your distance.”

    “Still Breathing”

    “Excellent, do you have the money you owe me?”

    “Now that I’m a clone, Great!”

    “80% water”

  26. Dean Hupp Says:

    Somewhere between lovely and perfect.

  27. Tod Says:

    To the psychic asking the question: “I don’t know you tell me.”

  28. Christie Lynch Says:

    Mildew-ing !

  29. Tod Says:

    Answers the semi-deaf, sensual, middle aged man dreamer: “Mae West”

  30. "gunner" Says:

    still sittin’ up and takin’ nourishment

    vertical and warm

  31. Randy Says:

    Finer than frog’s hair

  32. Tod Says:

    How you doin’? Answers the semi-deaf, sensual, middle aged man dreamer: “Mae West”

  33. don murdoch Says:

    Not sure,I’ll have my voices call your voices

  34. Becca Says:

    Mostly major
    Dominant with an augmented fifth
    Delightful, Delicious and sugar free!
    Not abducted by aliens…. Recently
    Big-titted and web-toed
    Simply marble-less
    Gluten free

    :) and how are you?

  35. Tod Says:

    How you doin’? Better than blue!

  36. Debbie Says:

    Why do you ask?

    My husband’s favorite is:

    I am not unwell, thank you.

  37. Linda Says:

    “Shining like diamonds at the Oscar’s”
    “Incredibly mediocre”
    “Unbelievably average”

  38. Christie Lynch Says:

    Doing what?

    I’m NOT doing; I’m just being!

    Hmm…let me get a perspective on my perspectives

    Out of the rut and into the groove!

    The strain of pain is mainly in the brain

    .I’m Suffering from a Sexually Transmitted Disease – Children!

  39. Kerstin Brune Says:

    In this life or in my previous ones?

    I am totally in the zone.

    Cloudy with a chance of constipation.

  40. Stan Says:

    If I’m feeling a bit evil, I tell them my doctor just told me I have cancer. And I only have 30 days to live. And on top of that my wife left me. And I lost my job. And I’m broke, etc.

    Makes them squirm something awful. And then I crack a little smile which let’s them off the hook.

    Some others:

    Why, I’m spiritually preferred. Can’t you tell?

    I’m not sure. What do you think?

    It depends. Can I borrow some money? (straight face required)

    I forget.(add prolonged stupid look)

    That’s one of them there trick questions – isn’t it?

    Look dreamily off into the distance and say, “Hmm, I’ll have to think about that.” Ignore any attempts to bring you back to Earth with, “No, no, wait, it’s coming to me.” (wild-eyed look is optional)

  41. Brad Says:

    Pretty gosh darn swell!

    Any day above ground is a good one (my friend Doyle always says that)

    Extraordinary! Excellent! Terrific! Beyond description!… how about you?

  42. Lydia Ramsey Says:

    “Fine as frog’s hair” as my late husband always said.

    “Still on this side of the grass” was another favorite.

  43. Jerry V Says:

    Is this a trick question?

    Six feet above ground and no one is shooting at me!

    Better than you!

  44. Alpha McClellan Says:

    I’m Good! How could I be anything else?

    Florida………(I used to say this to my then husband, Jimmy,
    when he would say howareya (Hawaii). He
    didn’t get it……..

  45. Dada Nabhaniilananda Says:

    Good game Greg. Here goes:

    Possible creative answers to a standard mundane greeting: How are you?

    Terrible – the doctor says I only have 70 years to live.

    Since everything’s a miracle, I guess I must be OK. (all credit to Greg Tamblyn for this one)

    I’m fine, but my brain cell is lonely.

    Just cruising along here in the space time continuum.

    I’m in mourning for my 7 billion skin cells that died yesterday.

    I’m like wow man – far-out.

    Nothing fatal, so far.

  46. John Rexroat Says:

    My response to that deep philosophical question varies depending upon my mood and the person asking the question.

    I’m fantastic, and so are you.

    If I was any better I’d have to be twins.

    I used to be indecisive, now I’m not sure.

    I feel like I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

  47. Lynne Lillie Says:

    Reasonably swell. Thanks for asking.

  48. cary goodman Says:

    Why thank you for asking…

    I’m commodiusly firm and delighted!

  49. Mickey D Says:

    I’m so good I can hardly stand it!

  50. TheDoctorWhoCuresCancer Says:

    Good … (big grin) … I’m gettin’ better by the moment!

    PS. It is a great conversation starter.

  51. Lauren M Says:

    I’m crazy, God’s crazy.

    Hanging on, like a cat on a ceiling.

  52. Marilyn Horton Says:

    Achin’ to get movin’

    A day younger than I will be tomorrow.

  53. Curt Hess Says:

    Absolutely fantastic. Uh, then again, are you in law enforcement?

  54. John Jessup Says:

    Still prone to be vertical

  55. Kerstin Brune Says:

    “Not sure. I’ll have to google that first.”

    “My iphone app says I’m fine.”

  56. Tod Says:

    How you doin’ (asked on a down day)? Shaken not stirred.

  57. Charlotte Fairchild Says:

    Wonderfully hungry.

    Fair to middlin’.

    I need a nap and some cuddles.

  58. REV Fred Says:

    “If I was any better it would be illegal.”

  59. Jackie Says:

    Better than a birdhouse nailed to a tree in a windstorm

    Better than kthose poor Southwest Airlines passengers who were flattened on their way to the plane by faster customers

    Doubly Blessed – happy and alive

  60. Meryl Ann Says:

    @stan: GOTCHA! when I read your “That’s one of them there trick questions – isn’t it?” I knowed right quick that you wernt no reel south’ner, becuz you dint say it rite. Git u some lernin; boy! Shoulda been:

    Uh, now, I reckon that’s one of them there trick questions – ain’t it?

    (Best punctuated with a spit o’ chawin’ tobaccy)

    @ Lydia- luv ‘em, you GO gurl!!!

    my favorite answer to give to this question, (but I am judicious about who I say this to):
    -and it must be delivered with a generous amount of sass-
    Better than your wildest dreams, baby! And you?

  61. Dutch Says:

    “Every day that I am looking down at the grass, and not up at it, is a perfect day.”

    “Good! …and getting better!!”

    “If I got any better, I’d have to be twins, to keep it all in!”

    “Any day I am moving enough air in and out to complain about something…is a day on which I NOTHING to complain about.”

    “I can turn great at the drop of a hat, and beat the hat to the floor nine times out of ten.” (That one isn’t quite logically sequential, but makes ‘em think…)

    “Now that I’ve met (seen, visited with, etc.) you, I just went past perfect.”

    “If great were gas, I’d be a refinery!”

  62. Tod Says:

    How you doin’? Great! Just pondering whether dogs sniffing butts constitutes a form of early “sexting”!

  63. Dutch Says:

    “…up to my gill slits in river mud, but still bucking the current.”

  64. janet Says:

    Blessed by the best and praying for the rest

  65. Lisa Says:

    The TSA scanner said I’m looking great!

  66. Rosemary Stewart Says:

    Six of one,half dozen of the other.

  67. Andrew Adleman Says:

    Bever been netter!

  68. Kerstin Brune Says:

    Vertically fine- horizontally even better!

  69. Roland Kemokai Says:

    Depends on who’s asking and what time it is.

  70. Joni V Says:

    ~ Sparkling!

    ~ The voices say we’re fine, thank you.

  71. John Frieden Says:

    Since I am a proffesional flight attendant and fly as a passaenger quite abit also;

    How am I doing?

    1. My bottom (ass) is so flat from this long flight I need an air pump to fill er up again!

    2. I am so jet lagged I can’t even speak a proper sentence cause my brain hasn’t caught up with my body yet!!

    3. I met a collegue that told me she has so much GAS when we fly that she can humm and fart out at the same time the entire National Anthum!

    Thanks for the gag Gregg

  72. Dean Hupp Says:

    I’ve been better but I can’t remember when it was.

  73. Jim Cameron Says:

    Relax….As far as I know, i’m not contagious

    Why are you lookin’ at me like that?

    Why is everybody alluva sudden so concerned ’bout how I’m doin?

    Well, officer, I know this might look suspicious,but I want to assure you there’s a good explanation… but right now I just don’t know what it is.

  74. Meg Carver Says:

    Couldn’t be better…. because if I could, I would.

  75. Gary Says:

    (sigh) Don’t ask.

  76. Annette Says:

    I’m good but the rest of me’s a little iffy.

  77. Bob Daniel Says:

    Feel even more like I do today than I did yesterday!

    Happier than a redneck at a NASCAR race!

  78. Phil Stang Says:

    Wicked Awesome…
    Particularly Realevant…
    Intellectually Aware…
    Emotionally Uninvolved…
    Practicing Inner Peace….
    Considerably more at peace than I was on tuesday afternoon a week ago before last…
    Progressively Understanding…
    Ambivolent in a detached sort of way…
    At peace, yet not dead yet…

  79. Susan Says:

    I ain’t had this much fun since the hog ate my little brother.

  80. Lois B Says:

    I’m Ethereal

  81. Debbie Says:

    If I were any better I’d have to be twins!

  82. Linda Niswender Says:

    Better then the average bear!

    Above ground and breathing!

    Still breathing!

    Fanfrigging-tastic!

    Better then a one -armed paper hanger!

    Well I’m not in the obituaries!

  83. patricia Says:

    Answer on a VERY hot day: “Hotter than Georgia asphalt.”

    Still kickin.

    Chompin at the bit.

  84. Cyndi Says:

    Better than nothin’!

  85. George Polley Says:

    “Yes, thank you for asking.”

    (Thoughtfully): “Really, really strange….”

    “Depends on the context.”

    “Yes.”

    Q: “Whacha doin’?” A: “Listening to the ringing in my ears.”

    Q: “What’s happenin’? A: “Fine, and yours

  86. George Polley Says:

    “Right brain or left?”

  87. Amy Says:

    I’m not dead yet (spoken with best cockney accent)

    Cookin’ with gas!

  88. Gi Says:

    If I were doing any better I would vibrating at such a high frequency I would just disappear from your view!

  89. ashton Says:

    how you doin

    meow

    delicious

    (tired is the answer i hear most)

    bene et tu (latin for “good and you”)

    I feel like a friday (or enter another day of the week)

    its not the apocalypse yet

    feeling like a bowling pin

    great, only have 36 hours of work left today!

  90. Anne McCourtie Says:

    When asked how I am, I give them my best smile and say “I’m as happy as if I had good sense!”

  91. Beate Says:

    How much time have you got?

  92. Beate Says:

    or should that be: How much time do you have?

  93. Janie Says:

    Fine as wine and twice as sweet!

  94. Monica Zinda Says:

    Havin; more fun then squarshin tadpoles in a warm mud puddle!

    Feeling really glad that I reversed that last sex change.

  95. kate molling Says:

    Hip deep in sheep dip
    Fair to middlin’
    Still above ground

  96. Rick King Says:

    I’m still combobulating. I’ll let you know.

  97. maury Says:

    Vibrating with love.

  98. Alison Sheafor-Joy Says:

    Baz, the old guy who lives on the street in front of my bosses place says, “stayin’ out of trouble”.
    Odd thing is, his nick name for me is “Trouble”.

    I just had a cold:
    “dealin’ with hyperactive mucus”.

    I knew a guy that would say, “I have enormous hapenis”,
    or “sportin’ low tote scrote”.

    More?:
    As comfortable as a computer without pants.
    Gettin’ into all kinds of mischief.
    Contemplating hunting for wild tuckus.
    Like Bohemian Rapsody turned up to 11.
    Feelin’ free and clear as a good colonoscopy.
    Obscurity knocked, I gotta go get my spludger.

    I could come up with more, but it seems you’ve already got a good collection on the site, already.
    Ali

  99. Suzanne Cadorin Says:

    I’m Fine….you know ..F%#*ed up…insecure…neurotic…and emotional !!!

  100. Suzanne Cadorin Says:

    or how about Mr. Bluebird is not on my shoulder

  101. Shirley Says:

    Meg took by favorite:
    Couldn’t be better! (If I could I would.)

    Blissfully retired

    I’m feeling fine but the other 4 senses haven’t checked in yet today

  102. Derek Says:

    Limp and loose and full of juice.

    How ya going? By space shuttle.

    Still grappling with god

    Gangrenous

    Feisty

    Happier ‘n a croc in a swimming hole.

    Fragile, but still fighting.

    Sharper ‘n broken glass

  103. Kate Rowland Says:

    I’m feeling more like I do now than I did when I came in. Thanks.

    Just ………yielding to the present moment………….

  104. Bobby Nathan Says:

    SPECTACULAR!

  105. Kim Power Says:

    Aged to Perfection

    Terminally confused

  106. Janelle Ford Says:

    I feel happy, oh so Happy, It’s alarming ,how charming I feel!
    (from West Side Story) and I usually sing it.

  107. Paul Says:

    Slow to boot up, but still intell(igent) inside.

  108. Melinda Allen Says:

    On a great day:
    Finer’n a frog hair split seven ways!!
    (works best when pronounced slowly with multi-syllable diphthongs–it’s a Southern thing)

    If I was any finer I’d need reading glasses to look in the mirror.

    When I’m tired:
    When I’ve checked in with myself, I’ll let you know.

    On paranoid days:
    Who? Me? …or…
    Why do you ask? Do you know something I don’t know?

    If I’m sick:

    I’m good…but I’m not well

  109. joey blue Says:

    great, now that i see you

    back on the horse again, and you

    happier than a pig in shit

    great, i just got fired…

    very gratiful and you

  110. wendy duvall Says:

    Dinkum!! and dammed skippy!!

  111. dave lyman Says:

    alarmingly enthusiastic

  112. Cherie Francis Says:

    Up to my eyeballs in alligators!

  113. Jeanne Jasperse Says:

    Anser #1..You are REALLY putting the pressure on me today!!Answer#2 Come back in about an hour or so for the answer.
    Anser #3 Undecided

  114. Bo Says:

    1% better than yesterday.

  115. Darnell M Walton Says:

    Blessed but Challenged .

    Can’t say as I know .

    Better than I think .

    Well…There you go .

    Pull’n into the station .

    Right side up .

    Reckon I’ve been better .

    Too up to be down .

    Too down to be up .

    This time?

    That’s what I’ve been thinking .

    Too much and not enough .

  116. Lee Ann Maples Says:

    1. I have no clue
    2. Peachy keen, jelly bean!
    3. Do ya have all day?
    4. I’m fine, Polly Prissy Pants (courtesy Cartman, South Park)
    5. What the hell? Leave me alone, or I’m gonna be shitty!

  117. Carol Cole Says:

    I’m open to suggestions.

    Peachy keen!

    Groovy great!

    Extraordinarily ordinary.

  118. Jim Beal Says:

    Yes, I think so!

    Without

    O.K., …so far!

    Been there….done that

    I’m Bein’

    It’s all good!

  119. Paul F. Duvall Says:

    How’m I doin’?
    If I was any happier, they’d drug test me.

    Vertically challenged, but horizontally gifted.

    THEY sent you to ask that, didn’t they?

    I swear, if one more person asks me how I’m, doing, I’m going to show them!

    I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.

    Why? How SHOULD I be doing? Am I doing it wrong?

    How am I? Better than some, worse than others.

    Did you ask me How I am, or WHO I am?

    Much better since the sex change.

    I’m better than is legally allowed by state law.

    I’m ok, but I think my sons come from the evil universe.

    Um, before I answer that, is this the good universe, or the evil universe.

    I’m great, but then, I’m the evil twin.

  120. Tim MacAlpine Says:

    Upstanding, down-towning, outsmarting and incredible!

    Well, thanks. And THAT’s a deep topic.

    It’s not the “how” that puzzles me. It’s the “what”!

  121. Shannon Modrell Says:

    Finer than Frog Fur!

  122. Edith Says:

    Happier than a pig in mud.
    Any better n I’d be dangerous.
    Definitely glass half full.
    Who else wants to know?
    Just feed me chocolate!

  123. micki Says:

    sittin on ready and rockin on go!!

    too blessed to be stressed!!

    if I got any better I’d have to be cloned!!

  124. Tolisa Says:

    Depending on how well I know the person and if they enjoy my warped sense of humor I won’t have to edit my response, but I love to say:

    “Hunky-effing-dorrie” (I don’t always use the cleaned up version here) I do get laughs with this one

    Fantabulous (a nod to Van Morrison)

    “Some days I’m floating on my back and some days I’m doing the Doggie Paddle!” and then we smile!

  125. Rev Steve Says:

    Still Breathing!

  126. Dana Mc Says:

    Greg, Its amazing how the universe works. I needed this TODAY of all days :)
    I only have a couple, but sure enjoyed all of these. So here it goes. When someone says,”how are you?”

    1. Vertical
    2. 6 feet above ground
    3. I’m being realistic, and expecting a Miracle…how bout you?
    4. In the moment
    5. 53… ( I love this, because then people talk to you loudly because they think you can’t hear them…hehe)
    6…..on that same thought…” A girl shouldn’t have to reveal that”

  127. Mary Carol Moore Says:

    How are you?

    ~ Stranger than fiction

    ~In a hurry!

    ~ Feelin’ groovy

    ~Squeamish

    ~ Who’s on first?

    ~ Bold, crisp, sophisticated and sparkling, with just a hint of unemployed.

    ~ Thankful!

  128. Cherie S. Says:

    Wow. After the 10 minutes it took to read every comment, (and good luck picking the best!) I still say….”compared to what?”

  129. Cherie S. Says:

    It’s kind of exciting being moderated! (hee, hee)

  130. Melanie Says:

    I’m good….. and so am I!

  131. Marcia B Says:

    Better for being asked!

    Holding my own.

    Loving Life!

  132. Jane Ripley Says:

    Why do you ask??

  133. Jen Paul Says:

    I AM

  134. jim erhart Says:

    If I don’t know the person, and am in a bad mood, I say
    “Who wants to know?”

    Whwn I make a delivery and they ask How ya doin’? :

    The Cubs lost again. Whaddya YOU think?

    Hey. We’re in paradise. What can I say? (I live in Honolulu)

    I’m a nani okole (NAH-knee is a Hawaiian word for small, tiny, etc. o-KOH-lay is the Hawaiian word for your butt. When I get the quizzical looks, I say:
    “I’m a little behind.” (schedule)

    I’m so glad you’re interested in my personal welfare. That just makes my day!

    The world is going to hell in a handbasket. When they agree, I go all Zen on them: But, remember, my child. There are more people than problems. All you have to do is… something.

  135. barbara g. Says:

    This is great Greg. You have your work cut out for you. There are alot of gems in the responses. I have my favorites, maybe we should vote too.

    (Here’s mine…just two, my funny side must be asleep right now.)

    1. I feel radiant and full of love, I hope you do too.
    2. I like a good laugh, got a good joke?

  136. Dean Hupp Says:

    “Still able to tear toilet paper”. As told to me by my Grandfather

  137. Elizabeth Thompson Says:

    I be know’n, grow’n, glow’n, show’n and can’t do better’n dat!

  138. Penny Burdick Says:

    On a good day: “Sunny side up!”
    On a difficult day: “Scrambled, but with mushrooms.”
    On a tiring day: “Runnin’ on empty.”
    Old answer, from my childhood: “Full of vim, vigor & vitality – how ’bout you?”
    Finally from my 96 year-old mother: “Pedaling along behind, as fast as I can.”

  139. Charley McKenney Says:

    “I am Hopefule!”

  140. Jackie Boor Says:

    You first. I need a baseline.

    Better than yesterday and can’t wait for tomorrow.

  141. Helen Harvey Says:

    Better and better and better every day in every way! “Thank you Jose Silva”

    Fair to Midland half way to Odessa, how ’bout you?- that’s a Texas saying

    Busier than a one armed paper hanger in a high wind!

    Honey, I don’t think I could be any better, how you doin? -said with a southern drawl

    Perfect!

    Swell

  142. Susan Seykota-Smith Says:

    Thanks, Greg! Here are mine:
    Gettin’ by
    A bubble off plumb
    Same shit different day
    Cautiously optimistic
    Livin’ lovin’ laughin’

  143. Melanie White Says:

    How ya doing?

    1. I’m still living so everything’s okay.
    2. Just dandy
    3. Super-d-duper
    4. My life is like a country western song.
    5. Okaley, dokaley
    6. Still breathing
    7. Scrapily

    How’s it going?
    8. Full speed ahead
    9. Down like a submarine
    10. Gangbusters
    11. Round and round
    12. Slowly but steadily

  144. Anna Janesko Says:

    I’m fine but sometimes this little tooth itches (delivered while scratching one of your front teeth)

    I’m just 1 brick short of a full load

    I’m happier than a pig in a new mud puddle

  145. Paul valens Says:

    Greg,

    Please Twitter also

    http://twitter.com/#!/paulvalens

    See you,

    Paul

  146. Kirsten Johnson Says:

    1) Well, I woke up breathing … and that’s always a good thing.

    2) Give me a couple of minutes … I just arrived on this planet and haven’t formulated an opinion yet … we didn’t have those the last place I was at.

    3) Pretty great … I think the Doc did a good job on my frontal lobotomy … what do you think? See any twitches I should be aware of?

    4) (Whip out a cell phone, pretend to dial number): Hey, God – it’s Kirsten. How am I doing? I know I was good yesterday, but how’s today going so far?

    5) GREAT! My new dog food diet’s going REALLY well!

    6) (Bust out laughing really loud): Oh, man … somebody pinch me so I can wake up … I KNOW I’m still dreaming!

    7) (Put out hand, making person shake hands with you, then): Not too bad considering I just had to fish my contact lens out of the toilet.

  147. Diane Says:

    Freeze: then say, “What?!? You mean you can see me?”

  148. How You Doin'? Says:

    [...] running a contest for the best answers. Scoot over to Greg’s blog, guffaw at the entries, and post your [...]

  149. Wendy Says:

    Not as good as I was, but better than I was before I got as bad as I am now.

  150. Meg Says:

    I’m sound.

  151. Ken Says:

    I get good mileage with starting with taking my own pulse then [choose one]:
    I’ve got a pulse!
    Hmmmm. Can I get back to you?
    Hang on. [thoughtful pulse-taking] Whew! Yeah, it’s there. Fine! Just fine!
    I need a doctor!

    -OTHER FAVES-

    Funny you should ask…

    Unfathomably blissful!

    Adequate. [This always starts a conversation. Then I explain that I was reading a self-help book once that said, "You are adequate to life and life is adequate to you" and I thought that sounded kinda pathetic so I looked it up and 'adequate' means 'exactly what's needed - nothing more or less.' So it really has no negative connotations!]

  152. Nikki Says:

    Fair to partly, partly scattered…

    Another beautiful day cooped up in Paradise! (ie. Santa Fe, NM)

    Perfect!

    I am just an illusion… What a wonderful imagination you have!

  153. Edan Tamburine Says:

    Some of my body parts are showing their age,my mind wanders sometimes because it seems to forget where it’s going but my spirit is indomitable.

  154. jyoit jennings Says:

    I’m fabulous , it’s my vehicle that’s being whimpy

  155. Chuck Gunn Says:

    Great Comments!!
    Here we go:

    Any better and it would be illegal!
    Fair to partly cloudy.
    Motating in a forward fasion.
    Splendiferous!
    Brand spankin’ happy!

  156. Sherree Says:

    Very carefully, carefreely, freely fully caring thank you! Perhaps better than you now trying to figure out what I just said, eh? :-)

  157. Nancy Says:

    Fine as frog hair

  158. Cathy Says:

    I’m awake… I think…

  159. LaVetta Says:

    Doin good? How are YOU?
    (from my son, Micah who was always honestly interested in the other person and what was going on with them)

    I feel like I’m 40 thousand feet in the air and upside down! (my elder friend, Tom, especially as he moved into Alz)

    Busy… In fact, I am Busier than a cat covered with tuna! (my Aunt O’Detta

    Fair to Middlin

    As well as can be expected…(my mom)

    Like a mule…Doing the best that I can… It’s all a mule can do.
    Often said by my mother and told to her by Grace Moye, a Unity Friend of hers)

    I am thanking God for my wonderful and perfect life!

    (from my Aunt O’Detta – who was married in the 1940′s at Unity Village by Charles. Fillmore. Her philosophy and spirituality have been exemplified in her actions, comments and responses….nearly always. What a great mentor she was for me! :) )

  160. Christie Lynch Says:

    One word reply with pained expression gets ‘em every time!

    “GAS”

  161. Sabine Bredemeyer Says:

    You do NOT want to know that !!!

  162. Nancy Says:

    I am outrageously blessed and you?

  163. Darnell M Walton Says:

    additional entry : Just fine. BUT I’ve been known to lie.

  164. Kathy Doner Says:

    I’m happy!

  165. Globiana Says:

    I broke my arm, trying to have sex while hang gliding. And how are you?

  166. maureen Says:

    I read your respones on my braille laptop (yes, I am blind.)

    1) steadily maturing and growing in wisdom, like a fine wine.

    2) still connecting the “dots” and raising “cane” in a Braille, Braille, Braille, Braille world.

    3) I’m so high, I should be bottled and shared!

    4) How’m I doing? Flowin’ along on the river of life. Wanna come along?

    5) Some days I show up empty. But Today? I’m only a ham sandwhich shy of a really good picnic!

  167. Van Says:

    I don’t know if I’m horseback or a foot!

  168. Dan kelley Says:

    about as happy as a bedbug in a nudist colony…………

  169. rhea goodman Says:

    * living juicy!

    *counting my blessings

    * ready for fun

    *frisky and playful

    (and i love janelle’s answer, sung to “west side story”
    Ifeel happy, oh so happy, it’s alarming how charming i feel)

  170. carey c Says:

    inordinately well

  171. Marlene Rogers Says:

    Better than I was, as best I can, but not as good as tomorow.

    Still running loose

    Above average, out of date, overthinking and under silly impressions

  172. Shira Nahari Says:

    (1) I’m in pretty good shape, for the shape I’m in![courtesy of Y'landi]

    (2) Oh, I’m very how! [Thank you, Pooh!]

    (3) Too blessed to be stressed!

  173. Meryl Ann Says:

    Terminally blissed!

  174. Roz Says:

    Even better when I’m “being”!

  175. Cindy White Says:

    If I was any happier, it would probably be illegal!

  176. Markaroo Says:

    Terrific – but I’m getting better.

  177. Debbie Jensen-Grubb Says:

    Sometimes I feel diagonally parked in a parallel universe

  178. Mike Wilson Says:

    Percolating on the slow-drip mode, hope to pick it up to electri-perk soon.

  179. Deidre Says:

    Happy as a clam… at high tide!

  180. K'lyn Matthews Says:

    Just another dopeless hope fiend!

  181. Marty L. Says:

    Excellent to outstanding! And you?

    Supercalifragilisticexpialidocias!

  182. Mary Faktor Says:

    UPON GROWING OLDER
    By Mary Otto Faktor c 1990

    HOW AM I??? YOU Really want to know???

    One day as I studied my face in the mirror,
    I suddenly felt a cold tremor of fear.
    For left of my eye, and right of my ear,
    The first signs of a wrinkle began to appear.

    Oh, when did this dreaded event first take place?
    I’m not ready to cope yet with lines on my face.
    I’m still learning to deal with kneecaps that sag;
    And hips that resemble a packed saddlebag.

    My hourglass figure is shifting its sand.
    I don’t quite recall when it got out of hand.
    My gums are receding, and so is my hair.
    My teeth are in constant need of repair.

    My once smooth, firm thighs look like curd cottage cheese,
    And my contact lens pops out whenever I sneeze.
    My once perky chest has considerable droop,
    But my hair has no gray, thanks to that Clairol goop.

    I broke off my bridge on some candy I bit,
    And I’ve got great big dimples…
    on the checks where I sit.
    I can’t eat friend chicken, ‘cause that gives me gas;
    And my hemorrhoids are really a pain in the….neck.

    My bladder? It’s worthless! I live in the john!
    Just one cup of coffee or tea, and I’m gone.
    Varicose veins? Mine resemble a map,
    And I can’t make the day with no afternoon nap.

    My rear-end is spreading, and so is my waist.
    For Geritol, I have developed a taste!
    I bought stock in Midol, my cramps are so bad,
    And my sinus is driving me stark-raving mad.

    My bunions are throbbing. My elbows are stiff.
    I snore when I sleep, and I cough when I sniff.
    And it gets even worse…Mother Nature plays dirty.
    She made all this start on the day I turned thirty!

    But all these conditions, I’ll cope with…with ease;
    Each day in this life that gives no guarantees.
    If between the right now, and the time I depart,
    I continue to always stay young in my heart.

  183. Amy Logan C Says:

    “I asked you first!” (that will confuse them!)

    YUMMY!

    ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS, YA WANNA A BITE?

    “Still fresh, but the use-by date is approaching.”

    A bit stale but haven’t passed my “use-by” date yet.

    “Ready to rock and roll!”

    “Starbuckinated”

    “All smoothied-up and ready for the day”

  184. Regina Says:

    Pretty and toned

    Ready for a kiss

  185. Mike Clark Says:

    Can I get back to you on that tomorrow?

    How much is the answer worth?

    Digital Answer:
    At my age, I’m doin’ great if I can “boot up” in the morning.

    Considering my age, I’m only buying ripe bananas from now on.

  186. Charles Garney Says:

    As good as I can be without being better

    Supercalifragilisticexpialedotious

    Better

    Haven’t had so much fun since Grandmother fell off the porch and broke her leg

  187. Mathew Says:

    Breathing well

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