Random Thoughts While Cruising With My Dog
The fastest, most effective way to learn about servant leadership is to take a puppy for a walk.
I put a business card pouch around my dog’s neck, like a St Bernard with brandy. Now when I meet people on walks, I tell ‘em she’s my personal assistant.
Peeing on every bush and hydrant is like Twitter for dogs. Except it’s always the same message: “Hey, it’s me! I was here! I’m peeing!”
Dogs speak 37 kinds of body language. 29 of them say, “Got anything to eat?”
Reality is a place that requires humor.
A zen couch potato contemplates the nature of televised existence.
Would I be another person if a different sperm had won?
Never look down on short people.
When we put vegetables up, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny.
I don’t buy health insurance. I rely on the placebo effect.
What if Elvis didn’t die? What if he moved to Japan and became a Sumo wrestler?
I think we’re genetically programmed to play the lottery. If God can get something from nothing — a Big Bang and a Universe — why can’t we?
The big bang happened because somebody told a great joke when God had a mouthful of milk.
Recycling is not a new concept. According to some eastern religions, God has been doing it to souls for an eternity.
I can sum up my new wellness program in one word: Siesta.
Be compassionate in your criticism. Opinions without the pi are onions.
© 2012 Greg Tamblyn
August 24th, 2012 at 9:26 am
If Greg Tamblyn is funny, then 70% of my DNA is the same as a pumpkin.
Hey, it is! Yup, I’m sitting here laughing at Greg’s latest post.
-Alison
If 70% of our DNA is the same as a pumpkin…
August 24th, 2012 at 9:33 am
Remember, us short people look up to you.
August 24th, 2012 at 9:35 am
“Peeing on every bush and hydrant is like Twitter for dogs. Except it’s always the same message: “Hey, it’s me! I was here! I’m peeing!”
Isn’t that essentially the same message for humans?! thanks, Greg
August 24th, 2012 at 9:46 am
Greg-
You are just in time. I needed some humor today. This week has been a challenge. Thanks as always!!
August 24th, 2012 at 9:55 am
When you hear laughter, God is surely present. Your humor always brings a smile to my face and laughter to my heart. Maybe the doggie assistant would be as effective marketing tool as using twitter and facebook.
Thanks,
Thelene Scarborough, Joy Coach
Thelenescarborough.com
August 24th, 2012 at 10:28 am
As usual your random thoughts put a smile on…needed it! Many months ago I had a dream fleas were coming off my cat like popcorn…well summer hit here in WA and that’s what happened. My cat moved herself to live on the deck. She stands at the door “I’m not going in there…that house gave me fleas.” Her name is Mouse and she’s 13yrs old. SHE WON’T COME IN…then layed in her litter box I put outside, crazy…my husband said “she’s reminding me of your Mother” now that was funny! But then again you have to know my Mother. Keep spreading the humor.
August 24th, 2012 at 10:51 am
At 4’10″, I think it’s good advice not to look down on short people, but I’m not sure it’s practical. Maybe just put us up on a pedestal instead?
August 24th, 2012 at 10:56 am
Love it, Greg! …And hey, I know who told God that joke that made him spit out the big bang milk. It was those aliens who came down here and gave our pumpkin DNA a boost and showed us how to build really cool pyramids!
August 24th, 2012 at 11:08 am
My grown daughter has decided that it is time to teach our dog how to train my husband and I to take him outside to “go.”
So he has placed a strip of large jingle bells from a long-gone Christmas wreath on the door knob. Maxx is now receiving a treat each time we can get him to ring the bells and then my husband or I take the dog outside.
I think what the dog is learning isn’t to ring the bell when he wants to go outside but to ring the bell to get a treat.
All I know is that every time I hear the darn bells I need to go to the bathroom.
I just don’t think that was supposed to be the way this works!
August 24th, 2012 at 11:15 am
Hey Greg, Phil says when dogs pee on the bushes and mailbox posts and …, he calls that ‘pee mail’. Our dogs walk up to the bush and say ‘hey I’ve got more pee mail here, and I have to leave a reply’
If they just walk around the bush, they’re checking their pee mail 
August 24th, 2012 at 12:26 pm
Love the big bang/milk one. And I’m glad a different sperm didn’t win. That one probably wouldn’t have a sense of humor.
August 24th, 2012 at 12:32 pm
Hey Gang, these are excellent comments and stories. You’re definitely a wacky bunch.
Stay silly!
Greg
August 24th, 2012 at 2:08 pm
Greg….. looking back over these ninety years just past i feel like a brand new Rolls Royce on the frame of a Ford Model T. i wanted to be-maybe an Actor on the stage, or maybe a singer of songs and be all the rage-how about a Pilot driving a big plane here and there- be Vidal Sasoon and do pretty ladies hair.
August 24th, 2012 at 2:10 pm
keep them coming and thank you. Buster
August 24th, 2012 at 3:20 pm
I wonder if Madonna’s pin-pointy boob costumes were inspired by the pyramids…hmmm, probably not, but maybe.
Cats speak only one language…if you don’t understand it, they don’t care.
…just a couple of thoughts that popped into mind when reading yours!
August 24th, 2012 at 4:13 pm
Thanks Buster – love the poem!
Greg
August 24th, 2012 at 4:37 pm
Thanks for the funnies….that’s what I always thought our dog was doing on his walk…reading the funny papers left by other dogs! He always seemed to have a smile when out for his walk! Pee mail is certainly more contemporary—-and well twitter is over the top!
August 24th, 2012 at 6:11 pm
Greg – so it stands to reason that minion are whats left when the ones with the Do take it from our (Old) Do-minion, and that the placebo effect might work for birth control too? I don’t want to test either hypothesis thank you!
August 24th, 2012 at 7:21 pm
How do you manage to do that, Greg? To tIme these great posts just at the end of a day that made my Harried Angels sing!?
Love the “milky” way theory of the Big Bang, or should it be Bib Bang?! A kid on my block once snorted out her chicken/noodles when eating soup because I made her laugh!
Thanks for the fun!
August 24th, 2012 at 10:13 pm
When is a door not a door—-When it is ajar
August 25th, 2012 at 1:13 am
What an interesting coincidence. Just this very afternoon I found myself explaining to my 6 year old granddaughter that preserving fruit is called canning, although it is put in jars. How jarring…not to mention uncanny.
August 26th, 2012 at 3:49 am
I love that my dog Pongo only talks 1 language and all his barks say is,is that edible.? Love your fun Greg!!!!!
August 26th, 2012 at 10:00 am
When you make me laugh it comes from my belly.
Greg, do you think the brain is overrated?
Elvis is in Memphis.
August 26th, 2012 at 3:28 pm
And pie with onions is a great quiche Lorraine?
August 27th, 2012 at 11:39 am
You are just one twisted sister young man. And the best part is that most of us highly educated and extremely beautiful and filthy rich….are almost as twisted as you are. Isn’t it great to discover like minded friends?
Love ya baby