This Stuff Really Happened

In the Humor-Is-Where-You-Find-It Department, a recent trip provided one goofy moment after another. Yet more proof that a lot of little things can add up to funny.

On the way to the airport I saw a billboard that read:

YOUR WIFE IS HOT!
So let us fix your air conditioning.
(Nice marketing. Kudos to whoever thought that up.)

Then at the airport I spotted a guy wearing this t-shirt:

D.A.D.D.
Dads Against Daughters Dating
(That made me laugh. I’ll bet his daughter is so proud…)

As I went through security, by some miracle there was no line. So I was able to relax and take my time removing my shoes, belt, laptop, small bottles with 3.5 oz or less of liquid, and assorted metal objects. I noticed there were new bins (trays?) for putting all this stuff on the screening belt. Printed inside the trays on the bottom were quotes in large letters by Led Zeppelin and The Grateful Dead. While I don’t recall the sentiments, it did strike me as amusing that the TSA was quoting famous rock bands not exactly known for their strict compliance with drug laws.

Has the TSA developed a sense of irony?

Then, waiting for the plane I checked my email, and someone had sent me this quote about Mothers Day:
“No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement.” (Florida Scott-Maxwell)

Boy, I thought. I can relate.

On my return flight, I discovered that the men’s room urinals at the St. Louis airport each have a sticker of a housefly pasted smack dab in the middle. This is evidently to give guys something to aim at. (Yes, we guys are easily entertained and love a target. Although the disappointment of discovering the fly is phony is definitely deflating.) But my question is: who thinks this stuff up? I want to interview that guy and ask him what else his job entails.

And the poor guy who had to paste all those stickers? I’d like to meet him, too. But as my brother Jeff observed, I wouldn’t want to shake his hand.

* Note: I want to applaud the St. Louis airport for affirming what every guy from the beginning of time has known: peeing is competitive. It’s another version of aim-and-shoot.

** Alert reader Kim Power of Melbourne, Australia now informs me that it was the Germans who first came up with the fly-in-the-urinal strategy. Those clever Huns!

*** Alert commenter Steven tells us that the fly target is there in hopes that by aiming at the fly, guys won’t miss the urinal altogether.

**** I’m truly sorry if this little anecdote offends your sensibilities. As I’ve often remarked, “people who tell bathroom jokes have a self-defecating sense of humor.”

Finally, seated on the plane, I was watching the last people board, and I recalled another recent boarding experience:

Flying home from a concert the night before, I had just sat down in a window seat, and happened to look up at a woman coming down the aisle with her luggage. We made eye contact, she seemed to recognize me, and in a loud voice (I swear this is true) she said, “You were great last night!”

After a split second, I knew she was talking about the concert. But nobody else did. As 20 or so pairs of eyes looked up to see who had uttered those words in public, this poor gal turned the color of a ripe tomato.

I tried to tell her thanks, but everybody was laughing too hard.

So keep your humor radar turned on – there’s funny stuff everywhere.

© 2013 Greg Tamblyn

Photo submitted by alert reader David Goodman. Thanks, Dave!

This entry was posted in UP and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

26 Responses to This Stuff Really Happened

  1. Christina says:

    Thanks for the article! As a Certified (yes,Certified…lol) Laughter Leader, I see the humor in everyday life, as you do! I love the last one! Keep up the good work!

  2. Leta Miller says:

    You and the Dalai Lama would hit it off so well–both with an awesome sense of humor! I’ve seen you in concert and I would second the sentiment: “You were great last night!” :) Big hugs! Leta from Wichita

  3. Linda says:

    Thanks for sharing, as for that lady saying “you were great” last night,…… a good come back would be ‘tell me something I don’t already know’ or ‘You’re just saying that because it’s true’, or ‘I get that all the time’ to the crowd!!! :-) Keep up that ‘looking at the brite and lite side of life, it suits you. Hope you have a wonderful Memorial day weekend.
    Big hugs,
    Linda

  4. Ellen Swanson says:

    Great ones, Greg. Thanks for the humor! I was in a small WI town last week-end on a trip. A young Asian man was walking down the street with his two dogs. The man’s T shirt made me LOL. “Does this T shirt make me look Korean?” Everyone who passed him was laughing out loud. Or maybe it was part of your version of LAF, loving out loud.

  5. Roxanne Sumners says:

    Loved this, Greg! Life is very funny. I miss the “Science & Consciousness” conferences in Santa Fe!
    I worked in the smaller Phoenix terminal as a TSA agent for a bit (soon after 9.11) and a lot of the time it was a hoot. A few of the people I worked with were jerks, but most were there just trying to do something good.
    One young guy was especially enthusiastic, yelling “rotate!” when it was time to change our positions. There was an older woman walking through the metal detector one day who stopped cold, and with a horrified look on her face, put her hands up and slowly turned around.
    Another time, when it was my turn to check bags that had something inside the X-ray viewer couldn’t recognize, I told the man whose bag it was that I needed to look inside. The X-ray showed something large & solid at the bottom and as I reached in, he said, “Oh, I know… It’s my plutonium.” I looked at him, sparse grey hair, 70′s, and asked, my voice shaking, “Your what?!” “Oh, no,” he said, “that’s not the right word – it’s my palladium – I’m a jeweler.” We had a good laugh.

  6. The person who hung the fly paper was probably someone’s mother!

  7. Charles garney says:

    Great, I loved it. Please send more and MORE.

  8. Katie Redinbaugh says:

    Hi Greg, as usual, you cracked me up!!! I think just maybe
    the point of “New Thought” is to see things differently. My favorite Unity minister, Sky St. John, always said one of his favorite prayers was “God help me to see this situation differently” and maybe finding the humor is the point. It certainly helps our blood pressure soothes the stomach!!!

  9. Marj Van Buren says:

    Great, Greg! I especially loved the last story! Humor is really good medicine. Thank you!

  10. Steven says:

    Sadly the origin of the fly in the urinal stickers was not to get men to aim for the fly but to get many “pee challenged” men to aim for the urinal.

  11. Katherine says:

    Or is the fly in the urinal a subconscious reminder to men to close theirs?

  12. Patty says:

    Uh oh….I am feeling a reality show in the making– like “Sure Shot” or “Aim and Shoot” or “Piss Off” (as in a Cook off?) and it still could still air on prime -time if only the target is filmed…

    Why not this, when we have Honey Boo Boo and the like…
    That’s as far as I will go with it, but if someone wants to take the next step and pitch it…

  13. Scott says:

    Good news Greg! You can order your own urinal fly here: http://www.urinalfly.com/

    :)

  14. Wonderful humor Greg. The latrine ones reminded me of a little ditty written on a latrine wall in Seattle back in the early 1950s: “No matter how many times you hop, skip and dance, the last three drops still end in your pants.” See how compelling this stuff is? :-)

  15. Lydia Ramsey says:

    Greg, you have the most delightful sense of humor. Life is funny, and you see it everywhere. Wouldn’t it be sad to miss the funny stuff that happens everyday. Keep laughing and making us laugh.

  16. Beth C. says:

    Greg, those stories are hilarious!!! still laughing! I’ll reread your stories alot to cheer me up, just like I have with your songs!!! Thx for sharing! Love you, Beth

  17. annie kendrot says:

    Think there could be some material for a new song in there somewhere Greg. Thanks for sharing!!

  18. Patricia Closson says:

    I’m laughing so hard, love it. Your stories, Greg, and the comments that have built on them
    I was visiting a cabin in the mountains years ago owned by my friend who was a grandmother. In her bathroom I saw a sign over the toilet that made me laugh. It read:
    “Players with short bats please stand close to base.”

  19. Van Crosby N.C. W. says:

    I loved the one about you being great! I bet you think so? :-) thx

  20. Steve says:

    When I lived in Thailand, many of the bars put ice in the bottom of their urinals. As Americans, we found that quite ent-ice-ing…Once a friend and I stood side by side at urinals that had unusually copious amounts of ice.

    I looked over at him and remarked, “Boy, the ice is really cold tonight”!

    Without hesitating, he replied, “Yep…and deep, too!”

  21. Judith Hilliard says:

    Still laughing at this one … soooo true.
    “No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement.” (Florida Scott-Maxwell)
    Greg – you are the best. Come back to Houston soon.

  22. Randyl Johnson says:

    Hey Greg ~ Here’s a ‘Senior moment’ for your collection from my St. Maarten’s T-shirt: “I used to do three or four things a day….Now it takes me three or four days to do a thing.” I can top that! – And yes, you were really great last week also, along with this fun newsletter. Thanks for all the LOL’s!!! See you next time you’re in Chesapeake VA.

  23. Nora Clemons says:

    Greg,
    I know who thinks those things up. It’s the people that have to clean it up. When I was a courtesy clerk at a grocery store, I would have to clean the bathrooms. The men’s room was notorious for the stink, even after cleaning it. I used to say that urinals and toilets ought to come with targets painted in them. That way, guys would have something to aim at. And it wouldn’t be to run to Target to shop. Maybe if guys sat down to pee, there’d be less mess to clean up.

  24. Jean says:

    I bet you were great, Greg! Thanks for the laughs. I see you’re coming to NM! And AZ! We’ll try to make it to one of those. Lotsa love and laughs ~

  25. Anne says:

    More bathroom humor. I once visited a restroom in some tiny cafe in Texas. The sign over the toilet read:

    If fingers are too sore to flush, don’t use!

    Keep up the good work, Greg.

  26. Cathy DeWitt says:

    Katherine made a great point that the use of the “fly” could be some kind of double entendre…
    Otherwise, why not a spider, or even a cockroach?

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