Customer Service?

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Every once in awhile. calling Customer Service is actually fun, but maybe not for the reason you hoped.
For accepting Visa and Mastercard to sell my CDs, I’m charged a percentage of sales, plus authorization fees, transaction fees, statement fees, batch fees, and some other fees I think they copied from the electric bill. Once a […]

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Half Dog, Half Cat

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It’s Thanksgiving morning. I’m dog-sitting and reminded of a funny/weird/favorite pet experience.
Near the end of my junior year in college I got a wild idea. (This is not unusual. I get my share.) I decided I needed an exotic pet. This is what happens when you spend all your warm, sunny college afternoons in […]

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True Halloween Cat Story

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My friend Harold’s two cats have the run of his place, and like many cats, they tend to get into mischief whenever they feel like it. The younger black one is especially curious, and is mesmerized by the refrigerator. Whenever Harold opens it, the black cat will weave his way through Harold’s legs, stick his […]

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Anybody Get That on Film?

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This is going to stretch your mind a little.
Reuben is exactly the same age as both his son-in-law and his father-in-law.
I can hear the wheels turning in your head: How is that possible? Wait, let me think about it a second….
(I’m going to explain it in the next paragraph, in case you’re a puzzle lover […]

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How To Be Funny (from someone who had to learn it)

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Some people have asked me lately how to be funny, and my first response used to be, “How the heck should I know — I’m not funny.” But on the other hand, people have been laughing at me a lot lately. So maybe I can offer some clues.
Great starting points are surprise and absurdity. Like […]

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Crop Circles Are Earth Burps

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A new crop circle appeared overnight in Wiltshire England. This one has concentric shapes that represent the famous equation of pi. For those who don’t remember your math, pi is the precise ratio of the lemon filling to the meringue.
Many people attribute crop circles, variously, to extra-terrestrials, beings from other dimensions, mother earth, and other […]

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Earth Swallowed By Man-Made Black Hole?

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“If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn’t be called research.”
– Albert Einstein
Maybe you’ve read about the new supercollider in Switzerland. Scientists want to smash protons together to simulate the beginning of the universe and see what happens. Admirable, certainly, and a bargain at only 8 billion dollars.
Except there’s a teensy problem. It seems […]

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Weird World: Holidays

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These days we hear a lot about becoming good citizens of the world. In that spirit, I’m proclaiming my solidarity by celebrating all the national holidays of every country. This means from now on I’ll only be working two days a year. I hope you’ll join me in this respectful recognition of our planetary unity.
A […]

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