Up Your Consciousness …by Greg Tamblyn

I brought my Baby Taylor guitar along for a cross-country flight to Oregon. It’s great to have around for practice because it’s small and fits overhead in the plane, no problem.

As I boarded United Airlines, a flight attendant surprised me by considerately offering to put my little guitar up front in the closet. I said sure, and thanked her.

During the flight, the pilot turned out to be one of those rare funny ones with a good sense of humor. He made a few in-flight jokes on the intercom, and I always appreciate that.

When we landed and I got to the exit door, I reminded the attendant about my guitar, and she turned to get it. When she came back and handed it to me, the pilot was standing there too, and said “Here’s your guitar. And it’s not broken, either, ’cause United doesn’t break guitars!” We both laughed.

Then he asked if it was a Taylor guitar, and I said it was, the same kind as in the (famous) video. And he said, “Man I’m glad we didn’t break that one.” Cracked me up again.

So United Airlines — despite a seat as hard as a wooden bench and legroom that would cramp a midget — won me over, at least for today. And all because of a nice gesture by the attendant, and a sense of humor from the pilot.

Isn’t this what we want from big business? A personal touch and a little self-effacing levity? It sure made a difference in my day.

For today at least, the skies were quite friendly.

* If you haven’t seen the video United Breaks Guitars, it’s a funny piece of writing, and a brilliant example of how to get the attention of a big corporation.

© 2009 Greg Tamblyn, Motivational Humorist and Guitar Lover

2 Comments

You guys have been great! Thanks for voting for your favorite version of the title song, and entering your Analog Brain definitions for the t-shirt contest. Now I’d like to run some cover art by you and get your feedback.

Below is a short evolution of cover ideas. I thought it might be fun for you to see them. We started with some cartoons by my pal Bob Kroeker. I liked all of them in different ways, but they just didn’t seem to quite nail the feeling I was going for. Then I had a goofy idea for a photo cover, so my brother and I spent the day in my landlord’s kitchen taking pictures of yours truly yakking away on his ancient wall phone. (Only my landlord would have one of these phones that still works.)

My designer friend Rebecca Price put it all together in a playful illustration with lots of color.

The question now is where to put my name. So you’ll see three versions with the name in different fonts and places.

What do you think? Let me know in the comments box below.

Thanks!

Cartoon Cover 1 (Bob is really great at drawing “panic”):

Cartoon Cover 2 (below):

Cartoon Cover 3 (below):

Cartoon Cover 4 (below):

Photo cover 1 (below):

Photo Cover 2 (below):

Photo Cover 3 (below):

163 Comments

For an American from Kansas, dining with a dozen fast-talking Jamaicans feels like a Bob Marley concert at 78 rpm. It goes by quick, and the accents are thick. You have to pay attention with both ears, all of your brain, and preferably a slang dictionary (Jamaican-to-English).

There are funny words and phrases you haven’t heard before: “plug it out” (unplug it), “drop legs” (dance), “all fruits ripe” (it’s all okay), “bodderation” (bother), “Jamdown” (Jamaica), “salt” (unlucky), and tons more.

But that’s not the point of this story.

One of the dinner guests was a man named Brian. As if to prove my ever-growing conviction that appearances mean next to nothing, Brian’s a rasta-looking guy with long dreadlocks and the corresponding threads. Turns out he did undergraduate work at the University of Rochester in the ’70s. (Jamaican bobsled team?) Then he did graduate work in physics and engineering in Yugoslavia. Obviously an extremely bright guy.

On summer breaks he’d go from Yugoslavia to London and play in a reggae band with his brother. One summer they got signed to Arista Records. That turned into a two-decade career jamming all over the world.

He told a funny story about moving the band to L.A. for awhile, but to avoid the L.A. prices they had to live somewhere cheaper outside the city. So they chose a place on a map, someplace called Bakersfield. Having no inkling whatsoever that Bakersfield is the conservative, country music capital of the west, it was evidently quite a shock to all concerned. None of the citizenry knew quite what to make of them. I told him it sounded like the reggae version of Green Acres.

(I wonder whether they ever did a reggae take of “Okie From Muskogee.” I wonder if Merle Haggard would think that was funny.)

Eventually Brian retired from the road. He lives in Ocho Rios, writes songs, and produces new artists. I asked him who he’s currently working with. He said he’s producing a new CD for the Belgian ambassador to Jamaica.

“What?” I said. “The Belgian ambassador is a musician?” “Yep,” he said. “Plays guitar and writes good songs. Kind of like a Belgian Leonard Cohen.”

A Belgian Leonard Cohen? “So this Belgian diplomat is a professional musician?” “Well no, not exactly. He’s actually a novelist who’s published 25 books.”

(I never know what weird stuff I’m gonna discover at these dinners.)

I asked how this ambassador could do all these things at the same time, and Brian replied that the man is the most focused person he’s ever met. Whatever he’s doing, he’s totally into it. He gets up at 5 AM and plays guitar for a few hours, goes to work at the embassy around 8 AM, and maybe writes in the evenings. Whew.

All of which brings us to the point of this story: A recent study in England found that multitasking lowers your I.Q. more than smoking marijuana. Or if you prefer Jamaican, more than smoking ganja.

(I’m thinking they probably didn’t have a lot of trouble finding volunteers for this one.)

That’s the point. Multitasking strains your brain. Our Analog Brains are not efficient doing simultaneous tasks in this Digital World. Despite all our efforts to the contrary.

So stay fully engaged in your present activity. Be in the Now. Because you know what? There’s always more Now later, mon.

(Analog Brain In A Digital World and More Now Later are two of the tracks on my upcoming CD.)

© 2009 Greg Tamblyn, Motivational Humorist and occasionally focused person.

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My new CD Analog Brain In A Digital World is coming along as fast as I can hurry it up. We’re now finalizing songs and mixing. I hope to show you a contagiously clever cover cartoon in a week or so.

Meanwhile, as a public service, and for the illumination of your own personal self, I’m offering this guide, which is also a contest! To win an Analog Brain In A Digital World t-shirt, see the bottom of this post.

You have an Analog Brain if, when hearing these words for the first time, you assumed anything like the following:

• Napster: A guy sitting on a bench with his eyes closed
• Blog: When you’re fixing your drain and your brain tries to say “block” and “clog” at the same time
• Twitter: Adolescent’s response to a sexual innuendo
• Facebook: That thing they show victims on Law and Order
• Digital: Still using your fingers to count
• URL: “I am ill?” “I am not ill!”
• Microsoft: Really expensive bed sheets
• GPS: Groovy Psychedelic Substance
• Digg: How you feel about Jack Kerouac
• Surfing: A good way to get eaten by sharks
• Tech support: One of those newfangled, expensive hernia trusses
• PDA: Pretty dental assistant
• Skype: When somebody rips you off
• Google: Scoping out a hot woman or man without getting caught
• StumbleUpon: How Columbus discovered America
• MySpace: The cubicle they pay me to sit in for 8 hours M-F

For a chance to win an Analog Brain In A Digital World t-shirt, enter your own definition(s) of these or other digital terms in the comments box! No limits on the number of times a single term can be defined, or by how many people. Whichever one makes me smile the most wins the shirt. (After I receive them, in a month or so.) Your definitions must be original. No copying from somewhere else! Contest ends when the CD is released, which will be posted here.

(NOTE: I reserve the right to use your entries in future articles and promotions.)

© 2009 Greg Tamblyn, Motivational Humorist and tech-challenged person

33 Comments

The survey results are in…and so are the comments, suggestions, and two bits worth from nearly 1,000 of you. Thanks to all who participated! You can scroll down to get the results and some selected comments from the survey. (Note: these are only about 10% of the comments received…)

But first…

LISTEN AND VOTE: TITLE SONG VERSIONS 1 AND 2

Here are two versions of the title song for my upcoming CD, Analog Brain In A Digital World. I’d love to know which one you prefer. Please listen to both, and then let me know your choice in the comment box at the bottom of this post. (If you want to be anonymous just use a fake name and email.) Thanks!

You’ll notice some differences in the two versions, like audience size and lyrics. Clicking the link will probably take you to another window, so after the song ends just hit the “back” button on your computer and it’ll bring you back here to hear #2.

#1: analog-brain-in-a-digital-world-eq.mp3

The second version has about a minute of my chatter before the song starts that we haven’t yet edited out. (Sorry!) Just ignore that and try to compare the song itself with #1. This one has a more intimate audience.

#2: 01-analog-brain-in-a-digital-world.mp3

SURVEY RESULTS:

• Over 80% of you still prefer CDs (with liner notes and lyrics) to digital downloads! This amazed me, in a good way. So we’ll release it in both formats.
• As for the next offering from me, an equal number of you voted for a new comedy CD and a new heartfelt songs CD. In 3rd and 4th place were a live-performance DVD and a new book. A new songbook was 5th. So that’s the order I plan to work on ‘em.
• The clear winner in the comedy CD title was Analog Brain In A Digital World. It ran about 50% higher than Still Saving The World From Whiny Victim Love Songs. In 3rd place was Humor, Laughter, Harmony, and Life. 4th was A-Musing Musical Mystic.
• Those of you wanting songbooks had widely varying format preferences. So I’m tabling that till I have time do think about it.

SURVEY RESPONSES AND SUGGESTIONS:

CD Title Ideas:

• Mystical Muse in Blue Suede Shoes
• An 8-track lifestyle in a CD world
• A Myriad of Musings from a Musical Mystic
• Greg-orian Chance (Hey … I taught elementary school for years … what can I say???)
• Sgt. Peppers Happy Hearts Club Band
• Songs to Sing in the Shower (with a friend)
• The Cosmic Comic Troubadour
• Ramblin Tamblyn off his Rocker
• Greg Tamblyn, hunkologist [HA!]
• “Warning: Uncontrollable Laughter Inside” “Highly Contagious, Play Recklessly”
• Eat Locally, Laugh Globally
• Comical Consciousness
• AnalEgo Brain in a Digital World
• Loss of Inorganic Brain Cell Blues
• Serendipity meets Epiphany at the I”m ok you’re ok Corral.
• Catchy tunes for the Apocalypse
• The Traveling Itch and other reasons we sing
• Laughology
• Still Laughing After All These Years
• Saving the World from Type A-ness
• Musical Musings
• Music for when you need A-Musing.
• Wacky Wisdom
• amusing confusion
• Songs to Make You Think and Drink
• untwisting tunes for a twisted world
• Funny You Should Ask
• Pleasantly Disturbing
• Tales of the Galactic Goof
• Something Delightfully Weird!
• If You’re Not Having Fun Yet Let’s Start a Revolution
• Still Dysfunctional After All These Years
• Collapse your own waveform into consciousness
• Unrepentant Humorous Iconoclast

COMMENTS ON CD TITLES:

“Humor, Laughter Harmony and Life” is BORING…DON’T USE!! It may cause irreparable damage to your career!

All your choices are lame.

But seriously, make it funny - the title, I mean. Humor, Laughter, harmony and Life, sounds like the headings in a file cabinet.

“Analog Brain” and “Still Saving” use more “tangible” language, while the other three are conceptual language, which I don’t think works for a title. “A-musing” is a powerful little play on words I like very much, so it must be used elsewhere.

5 choices with 4 possible answers? Greg, Is this some kind of psychological test?

Greg can’t count.

COMMENTS ON DIGITAL DOWNLOADS VS CDs

Greg … I am of the OLD school (now almost 60 … how did that happen) … so if you are not doing vinyl … then for me it is fun to have a CD … but trust me … this is very S Q U A R E … and CD’s are ROUND!

I so appreciate the lyrics included, such a joy for those of us hearing impaired.

old school low tech.

I download my music mostly, but if your computer crashes, like mine has just done when the motherboard died, all your data can be compromised. With a CD, at least I can reload to my iPhone.

I hate to admit that I don’t even know how to download music.

Call me old fashioned, but I need the CD so I can transfer it to a cassette for listening to in my van.

I still love having the actual CD or DVD. However I download them to computer and put on my IPOD so would be fine with downloaded only. Old habits die hard!!!

I still have and play my vinyl although I do take advantage of free downloads to my computer.

You can burn ‘em cheaper than I can.

A bit of personal communication to/with the audience/fans is always appreciated. Ummm…not TOO personal, boxers or briefs would be TMI. [Huh??]

I’m a technical neanderthal woman.

I am technologically challenged and I would NEVER put a credit card number on the internet anyway.

C’mon! I still have my 8-track player………

I’ll download if i can still get the liner notes, etc, too…

Depends on the situation. I have one of your CD’s, but I prefer to get stuff from Itunes. Please give us the chance to hear the album prior to buying it…

I like a booklet with CD that has lyrics, info about song-writer(s) and musicians.

CDs, but consider the source here - I’m still calling them “albums” Downloading is no doubt the way to go these days.

I am in an in-between stage of cd’s and i-pod. I don’t know how to answer the above question.

I’m old-fashioned and very tactile!

I am still old fashioned, don’t have the whole download thing mastered and then each time I get a new computer or software it is different.

I am too ignorant of all this electronic technology to answer this question.

Oh God, this stuff makes my stomach hurt! I hope everybody says, “CDs that we pay full price for with all the packaging and liner notes. It’s so worth it!” [from Jana Stanfield]

COMMENTS ON WHICH NEW OFFERINGS YOU’D BE INTERESTED IN:

A Polish lullaby that ends in…Boom tadiyada Boom tadiyada…

Something along the lines of the White Album would be nice.

I say… Follow Your Bliss, Baby! Forget what I’d buy. What do you ache to create?

A Children’s Album, please.

The CD studio recording would really benefit from Bob Trussell’s vocal harmonies and gut-bucket blues riffs. [from Bob Trussell]

I personally like what you did with The Grand Design: one CD of live humor/comedy and the other with inspirational songs. I also liked your book, but it was way too short for the $.

11.5 inch platform shoes, spandex jumpsuit, red and yellow striped cape, and a chair shaped like a globe.

An advice column!

My apologies, but I’m not familiar with your work so I’m probably not the best person to ask.

a mix of humor/comedy songs and inspirational songs — that would REALLY be best!

What would really be nice is an uplifting laugh till the economy gets better.

Your live stuff really comes across stronger than your recorded stuff (my opinion only).

A DVD with your songwriting friend, golfing and frisbee buddy. [from Dr. Bowen White, aka Dr. Jerko]

CD of songs connecting the evolutionary spiritual earth centered my large self.

Have you heard the Muppet Christmas with John Denver? Not enough fun Christmas music out there. You could do it!

Quantum physics played against consciousness jokes.

Can you come hang around my house for a while?

Get to work!

© 2009 Greg Tamblyn

66 Comments

I’m house and dog sitting in Kailua (Oahu) for my friends Ev and Jane. They left today for the mainland so it’s just me, the house, the dogs, and 2 cars. Jane has a Subaru just like mine, and Ev has a jeep convertible. I can use either car, so to go buy food this afternoon I take the jeep, right? Naturally. More fun. The real island experience.

The top’s down, so I hear all the road sounds, and the jeep has a loud engine. Still, as I drive along I’m noticing some really weird noises coming faintly from the general direction of the hood. Odd, strange chugging and hissing sounds, stopping and starting at random. These noises seem to have no relationship to the throttle or the clutch or the brake. Very puzzling. Never heard these from a car before. But then again, I’ve never driven your basic Army-style jeep before either. So I’m wondering if something is wrong. Or more likely, something IS wrong, but what? And more to the point, did I do it?

For about 10-15 minutes I’m cruising along, trying various speeds, and these noises are kinda freaking me out. I’m wondering if I should stop at a car repair and get some help.

Then I notice Ev has an old, add-on CD player in the jeep and it’s turned on. I hit the eject button and a CD comes out. I stop and park so I can look at the CD, and it’s a collection of ………… I’m serious ………… train sounds!

Ev likes to drive his jeep around listening to train sounds.

Woooo woooo! Chugga chugga…..

If I’d stopped at the repair shop those guys would have been laughing for weeks.

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(Scroll down for more photos…)

Three years ago a large group of us visited a girls orphanage in Bali. Many of these girls are not orphans, but their families can’t afford to keep them. Still, the girls are generally happy. They laughed with us, sang with us, and we shared inexpensive gifts with them.

Then we surprised them with something they’d never done before. We brought them back to the posh ARMA resort for some of the best food they’d ever tasted. We took them swimming in the fancy pool (don’t worry, we waited an hour). Then we sang for them (and with them) in a full-out concert. They had an incredible day, and we did too. Everybody got all filled up with love and fun.

It became obvious we could do a lot more. We found out how absurdly cheap it is to feed, clothe, and educate them. We could give them better living conditions, better learning tools (like computers), and a better future, all for a semi-small drop in the bucket.

So we did.

We each sponsored a girl. We send our adopted student letters, encouragement, little gifts, and pay her expenses. They in turn write to us (in English!) with updates, photos, and overflowing thanks.

Girls in an economy-challenged place like Bali (and especially the poorest girls, like ours) have very limited educational and career opportunities. But with our sponsorships and personal interest, we’re making a giant, positive change in their lives. They now have access to education, ideas, and futures many of them had never imagined.

Some of you probably do something similar and know how good this feels. (It feels even better than writing a song, which is about the best feeling there is in my world.) Others of you might like to find out.

You can make a life-changing difference for one of these girls — and for yourself — by joining this community of connection and caring, and sponsoring a girl. (It’s 100% tax-deductible.)

How? It’s easy. Call Bill Taylor.

My good friends Bill and Pat Taylor have made this orphanage their mission. They supervise and oversee all the funds, and make sure ALL of the money goes to the girls. They even pay ALL the administrative expenses out of their own pockets! I have known them a long time, and can personally, wholeheartedly vouch for their utmost integrity and commitment. Bill and Pat are personally sponsoring several girls, and have found sponsors for many more. (Bill is a semi-retired advisor for non-profit organizations.)

Simply contact Bill and he’ll happily share the details with you. It’s that easy. Even if you’re not sure, get in touch with Bill. You’ll be rewarded. He can be reached at (425) 771-7990, or email him: billt4 (at) earthlink.net

One final note. This whole beautiful project would not have happened without the vision and inspiration of the huge-hearted Jana Stanfield. It was her idea to visit and adopt the orphanage. Due to Jana’s busy travel schedule, and the relative freedom of the Taylor’s, Bill and Pat have generously taken on the administration of this project.

P.S. Bill can explain this waaay better than I can. There are a couple of options, and he has all the information.

Thanks! I hope you join us.

20 Comments

Recently I read about a fascinating two-question study that demonstrates how people who tend to be “liberal” or “conservative” are actually wired differently. It’s all in the brain.

The questions:

• Would you slap your father during a skit if he gave you permission?
• Does it disgust you to touch the faucet in a public restroom?

If you answered yes to the first and no to the second, you’re more likely to be liberal. With conservatives the answers are usually reversed.

Why? Conservatives are more likely to be impressed by authority, and more easily disgusted by anything that could be considered less-than-hygenic. With liberals, it’s the opposite.

That’s not right or wrong. It just is.

Reading this, you might have a gut reaction that it IS right or wrong. That’s the point. Whichever way you’re wired, you’ll probably respond in kind.

Similarly, we know that men’s and women’s brains are wired differently. The portion of the brain that women use for relationships, for example, is about the size of a grapefruit. In men it’s about the size of a walnut.

Men and women find things in space differently, too. Men tend to use direction and measurement, while women tend to use landmarks. Women can locate the mustard in the refrigerator, while a man may never see it even though he’s looking right at it.

Using my astute powers of male observation, it seems to me that another huge difference between men and women is compartments.

Most of the women I know love compartments. My female cousin, for example, sells baskets. Every shape and size, and for any purpose. Every room in her house contains boatloads of baskets. It’s like that Star Trek episode with tribbles, but in her case it’s baskets. Nothing is lying around loose. Everything is in a basket. Even other baskets.

Another friend has a tall container in her garage made specifically to hold….rolls of gift-wrapping paper! The women reading this are thinking, Yeah, so? And the men are thinking, That’s a joke, right? Because this would never even occur to a guy. Why would someone use valuable time and energy to design and manufacture — or buy — containers for gift wrap, when you could easily shove it in a closet or under the couch and, say, go watch a ballgame? (And eat a hot dog. With mustard. If you can find it.)

She also has a tray on her dining table containing smaller trays and holders for the salt and pepper, napkins, and I forget what else. Her containers are lined with containers. Everything has its own little nest.

If you’ve ever been invited to a Tupperware party, you probably don’t have a Y chromosome.

Suppose you’re a male. And suppose you want to know what it’s like to feel like an alien from another planet. Just walk into one of those Organized Living stores by yourself. The women will stare at you in disbelief. Eventually they’ll decide you’re gay. I know. I’ve done it.

A man only needs one compartment. It’s called the house. He can have a couple of sub-compartments like the garage or basement. But basically, if it’s in the house, he thinks he can find it.

Occasionally the car can become a compartment. Especially if the man is a slob and his wife isn’t. My grandfather’s old Valiant was visible proof of the chaos theory: Camel cartons, sacks of horehound drops, tools, locks, keys, dirty clothes, spare hats, half-eaten snacks, newspapers, ancient magazines, cash receipts, branding irons for cattle, and 30 or 40 pounds of farm dust and fertilizer. A man’s car is his castle.

For reasons that should be obvious, he also had a separate bedroom from my grandmother. His bedside table was littered with a mind-boggling disarray of almost as much junk, including an impressive collection of back scratchers.*

*They were not neatly arranged in a tray or a basket.

If you’ve seen “Defending The Caveman,” the hilarious (and hugely successful) one-man play by Rob Becker, you know what I”m talking about. The brilliant thing about this play is that Becker manages to poke fun at men and women, and our reactions to each other, while remaining respectful of both sexes. So nobody is offended, everybody is entertained and educated. We leave the play more aware and accepting of each other, while having laughed our butts off for a couple of hours.

The point is, we’re different. Men, women, liberal, conservative, gay, straight. We’re wired that way. It’s in the brain. Someone needs to write a play that does for liberals and conservatives what Defending The Caveman does for men and women.

Because the way around the brain is through the funnybone.

And the heart.

© 2009 Greg Tamblyn, male person

4 Comments

Last January when I released the “World Newspapers Celebrate Obama” poster, the campaign chairperson of Idaho offered to personally hand one to President Obama at the staffers inaugural party. Until recently, I didn’t follow up with her to find out what happened. Here’s what she wrote:

“I was at the inaugural ball that was only for the staffers of his campaign and I had a chance to get close to him on stage. I told him I was the Idaho state director, which he remembered, and said that the whole world is as happy as WE are today, and told him an artist friend gave me this poster as a representation. He was thrilled!” — Kassie Cerami

Cool, huh!

POSTER UPDATE: I have less than 12 posters left, and when they’re gone, they’re gone. (I’m back to my real life now.) If you’d like to order one or more of the remaining few, here’s the link to the info, and the video of how they came about:

http://gregtamblyn.com/obamaposter.htm

There are only a few hundred of these in existence, so who knows, maybe one day they’ll be a collectible.

And if you’re one of the folks who bought one, or several, or helped spread the word, and especially if you’re one of the folks who sent me your front page, thanks again for making this such a great experience.

“We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.”
–Will Rogers

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Okay, we all know Mavis Staples (The Staples Singers) is one of the best R&B/Gospel singers of the last 50 years, hands down. A voice like warm honey and wine, with a little Brillo pad in there when she wants to use it.

But who knew she was hilarious?

Yesterday, by chance I tuned in to NPR’s “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me” and caught her cracking everybody up with stories about her low voice, Bob Dylan proposing marriage, working with Martin Luther King, and Barack Obama.

It’s a great 17 minute joyride, and I highly recommend it for the amusement of your own personal self. The other ladies on the program (Carrie Fisher, and national opera treasure Fredericka von Stade) will also make you smile out loud.

Check it out!

1 Comment