Up Your Consciousness! …by Greg Tamblyn

While singing for 3,600 people in Singapore, my comedy bit about the Top 10 Whiny Victim Love Songs went over like, well, day-old oatmeal. A smattering of laughs, but nothing like the response I get here in the Land of Dr. Phil and Oprah.

I was puzzled. Don’t they have love songs in Singapore? Did I sing too fast? Maybe they found out I smuggled chewing gum into the country. (You can’t even buy gum in Singapore. It’s a fanatically clean place. I’m not sure what the penalty is for chewing in public, but I hear some people are never seen again…)

As I was contemplating this, wisdom appeared in the form of an expat yankee who lives in Taiwan and is married to a local woman. He revealed the secret of enlightenment, at least in his opinion.

The Chinese and some other nearby Asians, he explained, don’t think about romance the same way westerners do. They take destiny very seriously. So if they feel “I had to give up a great love for my career” or “I gave up the love of my life for my family duty,” they consider themselves a victim of fate. They believe they’re entitled to wallow in whiny victim love songs. To them, that’s reality.

I flashed back to our first group trip to China. Our guide was a well educated, highly intelligent Beijing native who had traveled much of the world. We all liked him and he was a great guide. One day he told me with utmost sincerity that your fate is written in your palm and you can’t change it. I playfully argued about this with him for some time (partly because I thought he was kidding), but he wouldn’t budge.

Then it occurred to me that if you’re the product of a 6,000 year old culture which has always been under the thumb of some warlord, emperor, or dictator, you well might feel that landing on “Lose your Turn” in the cosmic “Wheel of Fortune” is a real possibility. On the other hand, if you come from a young country founded on the principles of life, liberty, and the pursuit of material goods, you’re more likely to believe you can go for the gusto, find your soulmate, and live happily ever after. (Or if you’re really shrewd, start an internet dating service.)

But with love, it’s never quite so simple. Even in the US, when it comes to romance, there’s an underlying belief in fate. I talk to people all the time who feel like they just stumbled into love when they weren’t looking for it. Love just landed on them like bird poop on the tomato patch. It was destiny.

I also talk to people who believe they can manifest a great relationship by focusing on attracting it, but a few years later I see them again and it still hasn’t happened. Some of them are starting to waver. “Maybe it’s not my karma,” they concede. (Full disclosure: I’ve thought this myself.)

What’s the answer? I’m not smart enough to know, but I know that the yearning for love is a driving force more powerful than even the desire for espresso and ice cream. This is why whiny victim love songs get written in the first place.*

*These are not necessarily sad songs, per se. They are songs that literally ASK for pain in exchange for love. They come from an island of longing and despair that no one should inhabit. Except maybe Phil Spector. Songs like “I’m So Miserable Without You, It’s Like You Were Here.” Or “If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?” Or “He Hit Me, And It Felt Like A Kiss.” Or “I Still Hold Her Body, But I Think I’ve Lost Her Mind.”

(You can download the The New Top 10 Whiny Victim Love Songs for free at the bottom of this page.)

© 2008 Greg Tamblyn

2 Comments

These days we hear a lot about becoming good citizens of the world. In that spirit, I’m proclaiming my solidarity by celebrating all the national holidays of every country. This means from now on I’ll only be working two days a year. I hope you’ll join me in this respectful recognition of our planetary unity.

A few of my favorites:

Japan: Hadaka Matsuri, The Naked Festival, January 14. Large groups of men (groups of large men?) strip down to sumo-type loincloths and run around town for a few hours. At midnight they head for the local Shinto temple where if they catch a piece of wood dropped from the ceiling by a priest they’ll have good luck for a year. (One word of explanation for this: sake.)

Mongolia: Naadam Festival, July 11-13. Three day holiday for “the manly games of horse racing, archery, and Mongolian wrestling.” (Women compete too, except in the manly wrestling.)

Belarus: Ivana Kupala Day, July 7. Celebrates ancient beliefs about fertility and autopurification. Young women and men don wreaths, sing, dance, jump through fire, and swim naked. (Not sure in which order this happens.)

Liberia: Matilda Newport Day, December 1. Parties and feasts to honor a widowed pioneer who lit a cannon with her pipe in 1822 and saved her country from a siege by tribespeople. (The descendants of the tribespeople don’t like this one.)

Russia: Conception Day, Sept. 12. To counteract the declining population, everybody gets a day off to stay home, have sex, and create babies. Couples who successfully produce a baby 9 months later win an SUV, a refrigerator or a television. (Lingerie stores reportedly do a ton of business.)

India: Holi Festival of Colors, 2 days in late February or early March. Partly celebrates young Krishna who had an eye for the babes and was quite a prankster. Men and women run around spraying each other with colored powders, frequently drenched by water dumped on them from various balconies. Drumming and dancing, wild and rowdy, being one of the few times when the sexes and castes are allowed to mix freely. (If you don’t cover yourself with oil first, you may be wearing the powder for weeks.)

Japan: Coming of Age Day, 2nd Monday in January. “All people who turned 20 during the last year are congratulated. Cities and towns hold ceremonies with alcoholic beverages, which are the privilege of adults.” (We’re back to sake.)

Spain (Bunyol): La Tomatina. Aug. 27. World’s largest tomato fight. 30 thousand people pelt each other for two hours until 125,000 tomatoes are exploded. Celebrates a spontaneous food fight during a 1945 parade. (Might want to bring a change of clothes.)

United States: Halloween, October 31. Groups of scary costumed children extort enormous quantities of ADD-inducing substances (known as “candy”) from terrorized neighbors. Reportedly this custom is spreading to other countries. The following day is a state holiday in Louisiana, probably to peel the kids off the ceiling.

Citizens of the world, it’s going to be a busy year. Better get in shape!

(You can find videos of some of these festivals if you search YouTube. For Group Travel opportunities with Greg, click here.)

© 2008 Greg Tamblyn

No Comments

Here’s a fascinating exercise: take an internationally renowned, grammy-award-winning concert violinist, have him play anonymously for an hour on the street outside a Washington subway stop, and see what happens.

This is what classical icon Joshua Bell did in an experiment on perception and public taste conducted by The Washington Post. He wore jeans, a t-shirt, and a baseball cap. He played six classical pieces on a three hundred year old Stradivarius worth $3.5 million, hoping to get the attention of passersby.

Joshua Bell normally plays 120 shows per year in packed concert halls full of people who have paid $100 per ticket to be spellbound by his virtuosity. How much did he collect in that hour on the street?

$32.17

Out of 1,097 people who passed by, how many people recognized him?

One.

He said it felt strange being ignored, and he was nervous. He developed a new respect for street musicians, and says he’ll pay more attention to them in the future. (He doesn’t, however, want to repeat the experience.)

This reminds me of watching Stephen Stills (of Crosby Stills and Nash, Buffalo Springfield, and a major solo artist in his own right) perform in a local drinking establishment, also known as a “bar.” It was a political get-out-the-vote event a few years ago, put together by local and state candidates in Kansas City. Delighted that I could hear this mega-star for free in a relatively intimate setting, I arrived early and claimed a stool at a tall table about 15 feet from the stage.

After the candidates came out and gave their rah-rahs, Stills emerged and did six or seven of his hits, just him and a guitar, mixing in a few political comments. As he played, I looked around in astonishment to see about two thirds of the people chatting, drinking, and basically ignoring this huge rock star.

Right then I really got it: you put people in a bar, they behave like they’re in a bar! Similarly, you put a virtuoso musician on the street, and he’ll be perceived by most people as not worth stopping to listen to. Environment and context are everything. Or as Bobby Darin (Kevin Spacey) put it so paradoxically in the movie Beyond The Sea, “People hear what they see.”

Analogous to this is that if you see my new book at the front table in Borders, you might be more impressed and likely to buy it than if you heard about it from me in an email. But it’s the same book. Here’s what Larry Dossey said about it:

“In Atilla The Gate Agent, Greg Tamblyn strips away the seriousness of life and exposes the humorous side we often miss. Tamblyn is a contemporary Mark Twain, who once remarked, ‘I have known a great many troubles in my life, most of which never happened.’ Buy ten copies of Atilla The Gate Agent - one for you and nine for your friends. You’ll make the world a better place.”
(Larry Dossey, MD, author: The Extraordinary Healing Power Of Ordinary Things)

Friends, I know what you’re thinking: “Greg, this is a sneaky way to let us know your new book is in print!” Maybe so, but I wanted to give you a little something extra to think about, rather than hit you over the head with the usual shameless self promotion. Most of the time in life it’s illuminating — and worth the effort — to see through the context and the setting (in some cases, the hype) and get what’s really there. I hope you’re moved to think about it next time you see an artist in a humble setting.

If you’ve made it this far in the article, there’s a good chance you’ll enjoy my book. It’s a collection of funnybone tweaking, mind opening, heart expanding stories about stimulating people and experiences, mostly from the road.

And if you order it from my website, you receive two free song downloads. (Writer’s Block, and The Top Ten Whiny Victim Love Songs.)

Thanks for your continued listening and reading. It keeps me off the street!

“I love being a writer. What I can’t stand is the paperwork.”
- Peter DeVries

© 2008 Greg Tamblyn

1 Comment

Here’s a bit of good news. Are you a worrier? Forget that. You actually have a talent to “Strategically” see what can go wrong. What? You never worry? In fact, you’re so in-the-moment you can’t remember to pick up your dry cleaning? No problem. You have “Adaptability.”

That pack rat urge to collect all kinds of stuff, even obscure information? You have the gift of “Input.” Stuck with a mind that never stops thinking, even keeps you up at night? You have the talent of “Intellection.” That’s right, those annoying character “weaknesses” are actually your greatest strengths. You have a lot more, too.

Here’s even better news. Find a way to actually use those former-weaknesses-now-strengths, and you’ll be among the most financially, emotionally, and psychically successful people. This comes from a mind-stretching book called Now, Discover Your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton.

Did you get the message in school (or at home) that you needed to take a bunch of courses you had no interest in to become a well-rounded person? Okay, sure, everyone needs to know the basics. How else are you going to find out what makes you salivate? But I can’t see how it’s all that necessary to force a future artist to take Algebra II.

On the surface, this may seem obvious, but it’s actually been drummed out of most of us by the educational system. The authors maintain that education in almost all countries is overwhelmingly designed to shore up weaknesses, and even try to turn them into strengths. But guess what? The odds are that you (and your kids and employees) will never be great at something you don’t have a natural gift for.

Which means I may have to finally give up my dream of playing shortstop for the Royals.

What’s fascinating is the wide range of 34 strengths they’ve uncovered. In addition to reframing worry as “Strategic,” and pack-ratting to “Input,” the philosophical bent to feel like things happen for a reason and see all of humanity as interrelated is called “Connectedness.” Amazingly, some people just don’t see the world like this. But I do.

It so happens these are my top 3 strengths, as determined by the Strengthsfinder online evaluation tool. (More about that in a minute.) What blows me away is that a few years ago, before I knew about this stuff, I released an entire CD about “Connectedness” called The Grand Design. It even includes a song about Worry. (”Writer’s Block, The Long-Term Positive and Negative Aspects of Worry.”) And as far as “Input” goes, I’ve pack-ratted enough potential song material for a few lifetimes. I never used my geology degree, for example (sorry, Mom), but I wrote a song about it called “All These Atoms.” (You can listen to it here.)

For somebody who’s always felt like a triangular peg in an octagonal hole, it’s a relief to learn I’m not a total side show. I have a unique set of weird character quirks, er, strengths, that are actually making me a living!

When you buy the book, you get a code you can use on the website to take the assessment tool, a series of questions that takes about 20 minutes. Although it might be even more accurate to simply read the book and pay attention to your life, as they suggest, the test is fun and revealing, and as I said, they definitely pegged me.

Some examples of the other 34 strengths:

You’re a driven Type-A? You might be an Achiever.
Impatient? You’re possibly an Activator.
Always need proof? You’re strongly Analytical.
Have to take charge? You have the gift of Command.
Like to explain, describe, write, and speak? You’re into Communication.
Need to outperform your peers? You’re gifted with Competition.
Find patterns in the past? You excel at Context.
Are you careful, vigilant? You’re talented at being Deliberative.
See the potential in others? You’re a Developer.
Like your world ordered and planned? You have the gift of Discipline.
You can sense other’s emotions? You have Empathy.

And so on through the alphabet to Woo. Are you great at winning others over? You have the gift of Woo. (Think Bill Clinton or Dolly Parton.) I have to admit, that one could come in handy.

So if the shape of your peg doesn’t seem like a perfect fit for your current niche, check out this book. Especially if you have kids. Or you manage people. Or have a family you don’t understand.

You’re stronger than you know. And so are they.

ADDENDUM: There’s a new, updated version of this online tool and community you can access by buying the book Strengthsfinder 2.0. If you’re starting from scratch, you might want to jump ahead to this advanced version. Although the first book I mentioned in the article is more fascinating reading, with lots of great examples.

© 2008 Greg Tamblyn

1 Comment

I´m in a window seat on a flight to Florida. I´m barely functional because of world-class, Olympic Gold Medal jet lag from an Australia trip two days before. I can barely think, I´m so tired. All I want from life at this moment is to sleep. All I want is to close my eyes and wake up in Florida. I feel like stale, leftover toast.

Behind me, however, there´s a toddler practicing Flamenco dance steps on the back of my seat. There´s also a lot of toddler noise coming from the same general area. I can deal with the noise, I have some good headphones. But the kicking, man, there´s no way to sleep through that. So I look back between the seats and see it´s a little girl behind me, maybe three years old. Her dad, in the middle seat, catches my eye, and I see him motion her feet down with his arm.

This works for approximately the attention span of a toddler, and a few seconds later she´s dancing all over my rear end again. I wait awhile, look between the seats once more, a little longer this time. I can see the dad has a little boy on his lap, and the boy is the source of the noise. The little boy is really letting loose, too. A lot of incomprehensible moaning and gutteral noise. At times he´s flat-out wailing. It´s like he just got this new voice box and is testing it for volume, tone, range, and vowel sounds. Dad sees me again, I see his arm move toward his daughter. There´s another ten second pause and the kicking resumes. I need to sleep so badly, but this kicking is relentless.

My patience is short. I´m functioning at one level above zombie. I start thinking, “If they´re too young to travel, why don´t you leave them home? I paid for my ticket; I deserve to fly in relative peace. Could we tie her shoelaces to the armrest? Does anybody here have some St. Joseph´s Ambien For Children?”

Finally, I unhook my seat belt, rise, and turn so I can actually speak to the father. I look back over the seat at him, he looks up at me. I notice he´s a nice looking young man, maybe late 20s. I start to tell him I can´t sleep with all this kicking. But before I can finish the sentence, he mouths the words, “I´m deaf.”

My mouth closes. My words drift away. I nod at him that I understand. I look at his wife in the aisle seat. She smiles and nods, “We´re deaf.” I look back at the little boy on his lap, because he´s obviously older than his sister. Why would he be the one on the lap and not the little girl? Then it´s obvious. The little boy is mentally handicapped. That´s why he can´t control his voice. And guess what: his parents can´t even hear it.

All this flashes through my mind in about five seconds.

So I nod, and sit back down. I start thinking about this family. Two deaf parents with two toddlers, one of whom is mentally challenged. I think about all the people I know with young kids, and how much energy it takes to raise them. I think about the people I know who have handicapped kids, kids with autism or cyctic fibrosis. I think about how hard that is, how the parents never get any rest.

And then I try to imagine how much harder it would be if they were deaf.

Then I think about this little girl. This little blonde girl kicking my seat. She has two deaf parents, and an older brother who´s mentally handicapped.

Her life is going to be challenging, to say the least.

Suddenly all these kicks don´t seem like such a big deal. Now they start to feel like little cries for attention. I decide to think of them as love taps.

I can sleep later.

© 2008 Greg Tamblyn

1 Comment