My brother Rick and nephew Mitch in a PBS spot:



Here's his home page:
http://ricktamblyn.com/index.html

(For previous NEWS entries, just scroll down.)


These days we hear a lot about becoming good citizens of the world.
In that spirit, I've decided to show my solidarity by celebrating all the
national holidays of every country. This means from now on I'll only
be working two days a year. I hope you'll join me in this respectful
recognition of our planetary unity.

A few of my favorites:

Liberia: Matilda Newport Day, December 1. "A festival in honor of a
widowed pioneer who lit a cannon with her pipe and saved her country
in 1822 when under siege by tribespeople."

Mongolia: Naadam Festival, July 11-13. Three day holiday for "the
manly games of horse racing, archery, and Mongolian wrestling."
(Women compete too, except in the manly wrestling.)

Finland: Walpurgis Night, April 30. "In the Norse tradition, bonfires
are built to keep away the dead and chaotic spirits that are said to
walk among the living."

Japan: Coming of Age Day, 2nd Monday in January. "All people who
turned 20 during the last year are congratulated. Cities and towns
hold ceremonies with alcoholic beverages, which are the privilege of
adults."

Russia: Conception Day, Sept. 12. Everybody gets a day off to stay home, have sex, and create babies. (The population is declining.) If you produce a baby 9 months later, you're eligible to win a prize.

You can't have too many great holidays!

As you know, from time to time I like to send you some items of
interest. So in no particular order, here are five I felt worth
passing along.

1. Patch Adams and Gesundheit Institute are calling on friends and
allies to help their grassroots campaign raise $1 million by the end
of 2008. These funds will help build the Patch Adams Free Clinic and
Teacher Center in West Virginia. In the clinic they'll deliver health
care in a context that is their ideal design; in the teaching center
they'll educate other health care practitioners to create their own
ideal design. Transform health care through the power of a positive
model. Join them in thinking inside our hearts but outside the box!
Visit http://www.patchadams.org

2. My former marketing guru Jean Eisenhower has written a
fascinating book about her experiences with UFOs, the FBI, and other
out of the ordinary events. Her book is getting great reviews and you
can learn about it here: http://www.rattlesnakefire.net

3. If you have some time to spend on your ipod, I just did an
interview about humor with Jeffrey Milburn of the Omni Art Salon.
Jeffrey's a creative, zany interviewer and we had way too much fun.
He also has dozens of other podcasts with people a lot more
well-known (and interesting) than I am. Check him out at:
http://www.omniartsalon.com/oas-123-humor-me-alive-with-greg-tamblyn/

4. My friend Art Holt writes and publishes a unique online journal
about spiritual matters. He always has a refreshing and empowering
perspective: http://www.upwardboundjournal.com

5. At a conference recently I met a wonderful lady, Tina Feigal, who
has one of the more interesting jobs I've come across: Parent Coach.
She's had loads of success with families who have challenging kids.
She's even done it on TV in Minneapolis. Check her out here:
http://www.nurturedheart.com

As always, thanks for reading, and for staying in touch. I hope to
see you soon out there on the road. My upcoming schedule is available
here: http://gregtamblyn.com/calendar.html

Be well, be silly,
Greg

"They say that nobody's perfect. Then they tell you practice makes
perfect. I wish they would make up their minds."
-- Wilt Chamberlain

You know me. I don't go all gushy too often.
But this is what just happened.

We were at a conference, sitting in an audience listening to a speaker talk about his life's work. Within minutes we felt fully engaged and, I have to say it, totally inspired. We began to be filled with hope in a way many of us had never quite experienced. We felt we'd been given an answer to one of life's most intractable human problems.

When he finished, two hundred fifty people stood and applauded for what seemed like several minutes. A few people were crying. When the applause finally stopped, we all sat back down in silence. Nobody moved. Even though it was time to go to the next event, we didn't want this to end. Nobody wanted to leave. Nobody wanted it to be over. We all wanted this energy to continue, and to stay connected in the message we just heard that pointed the way to freedom and hope for so many people.

When was the last time you saw that happen in an audience?

Who is this person?

No, it's not Barack Obama (although I hear he's a pretty good speaker).
It's a guy you might never have heard of.
His name is Bill Strickland.

I can't do justice to Bill's story in a few words, but I'll tell you this: he has developed a remarkable, original, powerful way to take poor inner city kids and adults with few prospects, and renew their spirits with respect, the arts, skills training, and the ability to create a good life. He does this by immersing them in music, crafts, design, orchids, beautiful buildings, good food, caring instructors, and first-class training in many fields.
The story of how all this came about and how well it works is riveting and, as I said, incredibly inspiring.

He has succeeded where school systems and public programs have failed. He has succeeded so well (for 40 years), that his efforts are now being replicated in several cities. The goal is 200 cities. It's achievable.

Would you like to experience a bit of this?

I'll give you a link below to some short video clips of what we saw. Watch them and be uplifted. Also consider buying his new book, "Make the Impossible Possible," at the same link, which I recommend.

Bill is now attracting the attention of some wealthy foundations and famous business leaders to realize this dream of 200 centers. We can help by making this book a best seller. The more people that know about a program that actually, truly enables people to lift themselves out of poverty and into self-respect, the better off we'll all be.

One thing about these short video clips: they're very inspirational and give you a great sense of Bill and his story. What they leave out are many of his examples about what actually goes on in these centers, which is wonderful stuff. You can get that info in the book.

You can also get it in the DVD of the entire presentation Bill gave us. The above-mentioned video clips are powerful, but the whole one-hour DVD experience is joy juice for a thirsty soul. You can order the DVD from the Message Company, which sponsors the just-finished Conference on Business and Consciousness. (Link below.)

Take a minute and check out Bill Strickland. Here are the links:

For short video clips of Bill and info about his book:
http://www.bill-strickland.org/seeBill

To order the DVD of the entire one-hour presentation (ready in a week
or so), write to them here:
message@bizspirit.com
or call 505-474-0998

I sincerely want to help this man break the cycle of poverty in America (and the world), and his programs work! Please feel free to forward this to friends who you know would appreciate it.
That's it for now. Thanks for reading.

Onward,
Greg
Transformational Humorist ~ Musical LAF-ologist
http://www.ComedyKeynoteConcerts.com

©2008 Greg Tamblyn

Friends, I know what you're thinking. "Greg, I'd like to inflict your music and writing on my friends and family for the holidays, but do you have volume discounts for your CDs and book?"

Friends, of course I do! Right here on my website, starting at 2 or more. And if you really want to stock up, just call or email the office
and tell me what quantity you're considering.
I promise I'll make you an offer you can't understand!
Er, refuse.

Here's the number: 816-756-0069
Here's the email: info@gregtamblyn.com
Here's the web page: http://www.gregtamblyn.com/cds.html

In the words of the late Kurt Vonnegut:
"Music was the only proof I ever needed of the existence of God."


HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Don't forget to take care of yourownself this season. It's "suspiciously healthy" to get some extra love and laughter in your life this month.
(And as you know, one of the best ways to get it is to give it.)
Of course, it's always good to do that, but what better time to start!

Be well, be silly,
Greg

Holiday greetings everybody!
I hope your Thanksgiving was full-filling -- in all the good ways. We had a fun dinner here at TuneTown with lots of family and some out of town guests to keep us fairly civilized.

Last week here in Kansas City I was sunbathing on warm, sunny Tuesday, then sweeping snow on freezing cold Wednesday. Seems like there's always one day every year when that happens, but it still amazes me.
Fall is lulling you into a cozy, Hobbit-like existence with all its comforting sights and smells, then Bang! The next day it's winter.

At the same time I've been doing doggie hospice for my mom's little 10 year old pooch, who's fading from lymphoma. I'm keeping him at my place and loving him up a little extra on his way out. Somebody asked why we just didn't put him to sleep, but as our vet told us, "Hey, as long as you're still walkin', talkin', peein', and poopin', you might as well be livin'!"
I quite agree.

Between the wild weather swings and watching this little pup's life ebb, I'm more in touch than usual with the mystery and wonder of existence, feeling very connected to life and nature.

Just like the weather can change on a whim, our moods and attitudes can also. If you could use a little "tone break" right now (or even if you don't need one), here are two short videos (one funny, one amazing) that will change your day. Guaranteed!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3Rw_3ky-uo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DpBm4KoWsrY

If parts of the mega-successful DVD/book "The Secret" have left you a bit perplexed, bemused, or even uncomfortable, check out "The Secret Antidote" by Thom Rutledge. Thom is a comedian, therapist, and author who thinks a lot of interesting thoughts about a lot of things. His take on "The Secret" is worth taking a look at.
http://thesecretantidote.com/
I also highly recommend his newsletter.

A great new PBS series is headed your way, if not already there. "Beyond Theology" is a thought-provoking series of 12 half-hour programs on the evolution of consciousness in this time of rapid change. It features interviews with Bishop John Shelby Spong, Sister Joan Chittister, Karen Armstrong (The Gospel of Thomas), and many others. Call your local PBS station and find out when it's scheduled, or request it if it's not. It also has one of the coolest websites around:
http://ktwu.washburn.edu/productions/BT/

Note: For Topeka residents, where it was produced and is already airing, the Dec. 18 episode contains my version of "Holy Now" at the end of the show. (For everybody else, this is episode #9)

You probably know that many apes have been taught sign language.
The most famous, Koko the gorilla, knows over 1,000 words. Koko
once signed "pain" to her trainers, and pointed to her mouth. Sure
enough, she had a bad tooth and needed a dental appointment.
A medical team was rushed in immediately.

(This leads me to wonder which health insurance plan she has,
and can I get on it?)

Anyway, the New York Times recently described an experiment where
two gorillas who knew how to sign were paired up to see if they would
have a conversation, and what they might talk about. Researchers
speculated they might gossip about other gorillas, their trainers, or food.

The gorillas began signing almost immediately. But the hoped for
conversation quickly devolved in to a "shouting" match with each
gorilla signing furiously and trying to dominate the conversation.
Apparently neither had any interest in actually listening to the other.

It turns out that one of the gorillas was a Rush Limbaugh fan, and
the other preferred Jon Stewart.

Just kidding!
I made a joke there because I was reluctant to share the truth:
both of the gorillas were male.

Surely more study is called for. Zoologists, don't leave us hanging --
please try this with two females!

The obvious point: some part of our animal nature may be hard-wired
for dominance, but the key to relationships is listening.

© 2007 Greg Tamblyn

If any of you are parents facing a divorce or separation, check out this new ebook titled, "How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook™ Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love!"

It's written by a friend of mine, Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, based on her own personal experience. Rosalind's book is unique in that it doesn't just tell divorcing parents what to say -- it says it for them! Rosalind helps parents make an attractive personal family storybook, in a photo-album-type format, that children will want to read. It simplifies one of the toughest conversations any parent is likely to have.

The book helps children understand that change, while often frightening, is a natural part of life. Six professional therapists add their expertise to the book, offering advice and insight taken from their experience in private practice. The downloadable ebook is available, along with four valuable bonuses, at
http://www.childcentereddivorce.com.

Brian Luke Seaward's classic "Stand Like Mountain, Flow Like Water: Reflections on Stress and Human Spirituality" has been reissued in a beautiful 10-year anniversary edition. Luke has updated it with a wealth of new information, and it's one of those rare books full of wisdom that you'll turn to often and keep for life. It's been endorsed by the likes of Deepak Chopra, Joan Lunden, Naomi Judd, and Larry Dossey.

Luke is a prolific author, speaker, workshop leader, photographer, and has also produced many beautiful audio and video pieces. Check them all out on his website:
http://www.brianlukeseaward.net

Every once in awhile. calling Customer Service is actually fun, but maybe not for the reason you hoped.

For accepting Visa and Mastercard to sell my CDs, I'm charged a percentage of sales, plus authorization fees, transaction fees, statement fees, batch fees, and some other fees I think they copied from the electric bill. Once a month I get a statement in the mail (from some place called First Data, on behalf of Citibank) which was obviously designed by evil trolls in Albania, who have at best a passing aquaintance with math and English. To say it's complicated and confusing is like saying a Great White Shark bite is inconvenient. Multiply your phone bill by two or three times, and you get the idea.

For example, it says "Grand Total" in three places, and they're all different numbers. Additionally, all the above mentioned fees vary, depending on the credit card's type, its status, and the cardholder's opinion of the current soybean crop.

One day, having had a good night's sleep and feeling especially buoyant, I decided to call merchant services for a statement decipherization. The first person I talked to, Emmanuel, tried for 20 minutes, bless his foreign soul, but couldn't explain it. I asked for his supervisor and Claudia got on the phone. After several attempts she was able to make it make sense to me, in the way that String Theory makes sense to a weaver.

Feeling proud of myself for maintaining my composure and reasonably good mood, I generously suggested that it might be helpful and appreciated to make the statements more easily understandable to us average college graduates who are not CPAs. Her response, and I swear this is true, was: "Well, if we made it easier to understand, they might not need us in customer service and some people would lose their jobs."

That was the best laugh I had all day. I told her not to worry about losing her job. There will always be a place for her in the federal government.

Postscript:
(In all fairness, I need to add that a few hours later Claudia's supervisor called me and apologized, letting me know that they'd had many complaints about the statements and were planning to simplify them. Unfortunately she had no idea when that might actually happen. I could tell from her tone that she was genuinely sorry, and it was obvious she was truly tired of having to deal with these calls about their Rubik's Cube-esque statements.)

© 2007 Greg Tamblyn

My friend, clown doctor, organizational physician, hilarious speaker, and author of one of my favorite books, "Why Normal Isn't Healthy," is writing a great new blog. He covers all kinds of subjects in his own unique brand of wisdom and wacky insight. Check it out here:
http://www.bowenwhite.com

Here's a fascinating exercise: take an internationally renowned, grammy-award-winning concert violinist, have him play anonymously for an hour on the street outside a Washington subway stop, and see what happens.

This is what classical icon Joshua Bell did in an experiment on perception and public taste conducted by The Washington Post. He wore jeans, a t-shirt, and a baseball cap. He played six classical pieces on a three hundred year old Stradivarius worth $3.5 million, hoping to get the attention of passersby.

Joshua Bell normally plays 120 shows per year in packed concert halls full of people who have paid $100 per ticket to be spellbound by his virtuosity. How much did he collect in that hour on the street?

$32.17

Out of 1,097 people who passed by, how many people recognized him?

One.

He said it felt strange being ignored, and he was nervous. He developed a new respect for street musicians, and says he'll pay more attention to them in the future. (He doesn't, however, want to repeat the experience.)

This reminds me of watching Stephen Stills (of Crosby, Stills, and Nash; Buffalo Springfield; and a major solo artist in his own right) perform in a local drinking establishment, also known as a "bar." It was a political get-out-the-vote event a few years ago, put together by local and state candidates in Kansas City. Delighted that I could hear this mega-star for free in a relatively intimate setting, I arrived early and claimed a stool at a tall table about 15 feet from the stage.

After the candidates came out and gave their rah-rahs, Stills emerged and did six or seven of his hits, just him and a guitar, mixing in a few political comments. As he played, I looked around in astonishment to see about two thirds of the people chatting, drinking, and basically ignoring this huge rock star.

Right then I really got it: you put people in a bar, they behave like they're in a bar! Similarly, you put a virtuoso musician on the street, and he'll be perceived by most people as not worth stopping to listen to. Environment and context are everything. Or as Bobby Darin (Kevin Spacey) put it so paradoxically in the movie Beyond The Sea, "People hear what they see."

Analogous to this is that if you see my new book at the front table in Borders, you might be more impressed and likely to buy it than if you heard about it from me in an email. But it's the same book. Here's what Larry Dossey said about it:

"In Atilla The Gate Agent, Greg Tamblyn strips away the seriousness of life and exposes the humorous side we often miss. Tamblyn is a contemporary Mark Twain, who once remarked, 'I have known a great many troubles in my life, most of which never happened.' Buy ten copies of Atilla The Gate Agent - one for you and nine for your friends. You'll make the world a better place."
(Larry Dossey, MD, author:
The Extraordinary Healing Power Of Ordinary Things)

Friends, I know what you're thinking: "Greg, this is a sneaky way to let us know your new book is in print!" Maybe so, but I wanted to give you a little something extra to think about, rather than hit you over the head with the usual shameless self promotion. Most of the time in life it's illuminating -- and worth the effort -- to see through the context and the setting (in some cases, the hype) and get what's really there. I hope you're moved to think about it next time you see an artist in a humble setting.

If you've made it this far in the article, there's a good chance you'll enjoy my book. It's a collection of funnybone-tweaking, mind-opening, heart-expanding stories about stimulating people and experiences, mostly from the road.

And if you order it from my website, you receive two free song downloads. Here's the link to check it out:
http://gregtamblyn.com/book.html

Thanks for your continued listening and reading.
It keeps me off the street!

Injoy,
Greg

"I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork."
- Peter DeVries

© 2007 Greg Tamblyn

For comedy you can't beat nature.

Recently, sitting at my computer, I was jolted by a sound outside my
window I'd never heard on this planet. It was like a cat in heat had
swallowed a loud chirping cricket, and the combined cacophony was
coming out of the same creature. It was eerie, bizarre, ungodly, and
obviously some form of life I'd never encountered. Maybe aliens! I
popped out the front door, heard it again over my head, and looked
up.

There, 30 feet high in an almost-dead pine tree, sat a large barred
owl and a slightly smaller one together on a branch. Just then the
smaller one erupted, making that unholy sound again. It was
absolutely nothing you'd ever associate with an owl, and was the
approximate volume of the front row at a Led Zeppelin concert.

The larger owl dove straight down into our garden, ostensibly to
escape the racket. But two or three minutes later it came soaring
back up, settled on the branch, and deposited something into the
mouth of the smaller one. Ah, lunch time.

Satisfaction was only momentary. Without warning, the smaller owl
exploded again, screech-chirping, "More!" The same same scenario
ensued: large owl disappeared and returned with some tasty rodent or
close relative. I grabbed my binocs, but couldn't identify the
special of the day.

I was, however, reminded that barred owls definitely belong in the
Odd Looking Creatures Pavilion at Six Flags Over Earth. Head on,
they're a combination of Darth Vader and the Madonna. (The religious
one, not the singer.) In fact, they actually do look a lot like
aliens. Huge dark eyes, yellowish spot of beak in a mottled brown
face, with a kind of cowl over their head.

The adolescent owl looked a lot like its parent, but the adults fly
around our yard making that beautiful owl hoot. The teenager kept up
this boisterous clamor that I never in my right mind would think
could come out of an owl. It occurred to me this was either demonic
possession or puberty (the same thing?), and the poor kid's voice was
changing. I wondered if teenage owls get embarrassed like young boys.

One reason I'm reflecting on this now is Richard Helm and I have
finished a new song called "Analog Brain In A Digital World."
Computers and all our other new gadgets are an inescapable fact of
life. They're frequently helpful, often frustrating, and never quite
as much fun as watching owls. Jumping up from my desk and running
outside on a spring day to watch them put on a show feels like school
recess when I was a kid. Maybe even better.

© 2007 Greg Tamblyn

For all you Carl Sagan fans, here's a new website -- Celebrating Sagan -- honoring the 10th anniversary of his passing. Many video clips, audio clips, rememberances, all very well done. Definitely worth a few minutes of your time:
http://celebratingsagan.blogspot.com/

(They've included my song, "When Carl Sagan Died," as well as the lyrics.)

Thanks, Carl, for all the inspiration!

Greg Tamblyn TuneTown E-News #34 Fall, 2006

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In this issue:

BUDDHIST SOUP-NAZI
FINDING UTOPIA
CD PRICES, NEW SONGS


BUDDHIST SOUP-NAZI

Years ago I waited tables at a Nashville health food restaurant that
didn't serve meat, but did serve alcohol. Meaning, you couldn't get a
hamburger, but you could get hammered. I always wondered,
"How healthy is that?"

Then of course there was the constant question of what wine to serve
with tofu.

"Excuse me, waiter, what vintage do you recommend with this white,
slimy, fermented bean curd?"

"Well, the tofu is very yin, so I suggest something very yang, like
Chateauneuf de Coca-Cola."

But the best part about the place was the Korean owner, Hae-Yung. She
had never been trained in the restaurant business, so she just made
everything up as she went along. She had one of those charismatic,
forceful personalities that gets things done by being impossible to
ignore. This resulted in some episodes one doesn't normally see in
your average restaurant. For example, if someone sent their food back
once too often and Hae-Yung thought they were being too picky, she
used a combination of interrogation and counseling.

"Why you send your food back so often? You not happy person?
Maybe you should go home and think about it.
Come back when you are happy."

We all loved it. This is the kind of important feedback waiters
always want to give problem customers, but rarely can without getting
fired. Hae-Yung would do it for us though, so it was almost as good.
She was the Buddhist Soup-Nazi: direct, but more compassionate.

Hae-Yung showed me that creativity and determination can often
overcome inexperience. She would rather try something new, make a
mistake and correct it, than do nothing for fear of failure. She made
sure we felt appreciated and part of a family, and as a result, most
of us felt like coming to work. She gave us a lot of rope, expected
us to be honest and perform to her expectations, and most of us
exceeded them.

I think about her whenever I think about immigration reform. Whatever
we decide as a country, I hope we keep letting in people like Hae-Yung
who, by virtue of their personalities and perseverance, make us a
richer, more diverse, more resilient, more interesting population.

© 2006 Greg Tamblyn

FINDING UTOPIA

The coolest children's book I've seen since childhood is "Finding
Utopia" by Paul Sutherland and Tim Gibbons. It's an outrageously
creative, entertaining, and colorful journey of three kids and two
parents to the Australian outback. The book is packed with stuff for
kids to find and fascinating tidbits for parents to learn. It's
beautifully illustrated, highly literate, and something you'll be
proud to own. Highest recommendation! Here's more:
http://www.utopiapress.com/

By the way, Paul Sutherland is a verrrrry successful investment guru
and conscious person. His previous excellent book is "Zenvesting." He
founded Utopia Mutual Funds last year so that people like me (and you)
could have access to the same expertise that very wealthy people pay
him for: http://www.utopiafunds.com

CD PRICES, NEW SONGS

If you want to take care of a large number of gifts in one fell
swoop, call the office and we'll see what kind of special deal we can
cook up for you: 816-756-0069

In case you missed it last time, I have an alternate site for new and
unreleased songs, not yet on CD. You can listen to the songs for free
(even see a couple on video), and download them for a dollar.
http://www.broadjam.com/gregtamblyn

I´m in a window seat on a flight to Florida. I´m barely functional because of world-class, Olympic Gold Medal jet lag from an Australia trip two days before. I can barely think, I´m so tired. All I want from life at this moment is to sleep. All I want is to close my eyes and wake up in Florida. I feel like stale, leftover toast.

Behind me, however, there´s a toddler practicing Flamenco dance steps on the back of my seat. There´s also a lot of toddler noise coming from the same general area. I can deal with the noise, I have some good headphones. But the kicking, man, there´s no way to sleep through that. So I look back between the seats and see it´s a little girl behind me, maybe three years old. Her dad, in the middle seat, catches my eye, and I see him motion her feet down with his arm.

This works for approximately the attention span of a toddler, and a few seconds later she´s dancing all over my rear end again. I wait awhile, look between the seats once more, a little longer this time. I can see the dad has a little boy on his lap, and the boy is the source of the noise. The little boy is really letting loose, too. A lot of incomprehensible moaning and gutteral noise. At times he´s flat-out wailing. It´s like he just got this new voice box and is testing it for volume, tone, range, and vowel sounds. Dad sees me again, I see his arm move toward his daughter. There´s another ten second pause and the kicking resumes. I need to sleep so badly, but this kicking is relentless.

My patience is short. I´m functioning at one level above zombie. I start thinking, "If they´re too young to travel, why don´t you leave them home? I paid for my ticket; I deserve to fly in relative peace. Could we tie her shoelaces to the armrest? Does anybody here have some St. Joseph´s Ambien For Children?"

Finally, I unhook my seat belt, rise, and turn so I can actually speak to the father. I look back over the seat at him, he looks up at me. I notice he´s a nice looking young man, maybe late 20s. I start to tell him I can´t sleep with all this kicking. But before I can finish the sentence, he mouths the words, "I´m deaf."

My mouth closes. My words drift away. I nod at him that I understand. I look at his wife in the aisle seat. She smiles and nods, "We´re deaf." I look back at the little boy on his lap, because he´s obviously older than his sister. Why would he be the one on the lap and not the little girl? Then it´s obvious. The little boy is mentally handicapped. That´s why he can´t control his voice. And guess what: his parents can´t even hear it.

All this flashes through my mind in about five seconds.

So I nod, and sit back down. I start thinking about this family. Two deaf parents with two toddlers, one of whom is mentally challenged. I think about all the people I know with young kids, and how much energy it takes to raise them. I think about the people I know who have handicapped kids, kids with autism or cyctic fibrosis. I think about how hard that is, how the parents never get any rest.

And then I try to imagine how much harder it would be if they were deaf.

Then I think about this little girl. This little blonde girl kicking my seat. She has two deaf parents, and an older brother who´s mentally handicapped.

Her life is going to be challenging, to say the least.

Suddenly all these kicks don´t seem like such a big deal. Now they start to feel like little cries for attention. I decide to think of them as love taps.

I can sleep later.

© 2006 Greg Tamblyn

Here's one reason I love Australians. In the late 1960s, the prime minister, Harold Holt, sadly drowned while swimming by himself off Australia's dangerous south coast. So to memorialize him, what did they name after him? A swimming pool complex.

True.

Today we saw crocodiles on the river in the Daintree rainforest. We encountered several, the largest being a five meter monster they fondly call Fat Albert. Then we saw his territorial rival, a 4.5 meter bad boy named Scarface. Evidently the two have been fighting it out lately for control of the river--and of course the girl crocs. According to our trustworthy guide, who claims to have witnessed these fights, the smaller Scarface has given Albert all he wants and then some. The guide told us that crocs fight by swimming alongside each other and then smashing their heads together (sometimes for days), knocking a bunch of teeth out. Not a huge deal, I guess, since they grow new teeth all the time, but jeez, it's got to hurt. When we saw them, they were a few hundred yards apart, resting on separate banks of the river. Maybe it's a truce.

Interestingly, male kangaroos fight each other by balancing on their tails and kicking the you-know-what out of each others' midsections with their powerful back legs and giant feet. We were told it can do a lot of internal damage to the kangaroo organs. Really? What a shock! When you've witnessed these kicks, the surprise is that either of them survives it at all, let alone a kangaroo spleen.

I couldn't help but reflect that humans, when they fight, have proven their evolutionary superiority by bashing each other in both the teeth AND the midsection. And by keeping it to a civilized fifteen rounds.

Anyway, back to crocodilians. Did you know that an Australian saltwater crocodile can bite with the pressure of 3,500 pounds per square inch? To put this in perspective, the strongest land animal bite is from the hyena. It bites with a force of 1,000 lbs per square inch. To further put this in perspective, it's estimated that the Tyrannosaurus Rex bit with a force of 3,000 lbs per square inch. In other words, less than the crocodile. (Our guide admitted his source for this information was a show on the National Geographic Channel two weeks ago.) I guess that explains why, when these prehistoric relics attack humans, as they occasionally do over here, like when someone is foolish (or drunk) enough to go wading in the river, or clean their fish near the boat ramp, there are no survivors. One minute they're there, the next, gone.

Anyway, it was amazing to see them, and I was glad I was in a large metal boat.

Yesterday we snorkeled and scuba dived (scuba dove?) on the Great Barrier Reef. It was fun if you like hypothermia. I did see several cool fish and the largest lobster I've ever personally witnessed, and it was extremely neat to finally be on the actual, real Great Barrier Reef. But for my money, the diving is better in the Caribbean. Fewer sharks, too. Of course, I might have liked it better on a warm day.

It was great to finish up this tour with a few days on the coast and in the rainforests, after 9 days in the desert Outback. My skin feels like skin again, not some kind of hide. I don't think I've spent this much time in nature and away from every-day civilization since puberty, and it was sorely needed and appreciated by my own personal soul and psyche. I loved the whole thing: the ancient desert, the strange animals, the mysterious aboriginals, the laid-back Aussies, and the sheer enormity of the place.

I can't wait to come back.

© 2006 Greg Tamblyn

We're on a day trip from the town of Alice Springs to Santa Teresa, a small aboriginal community. We've just encountered a "road train," which is the local name for three semis hitched together. It does look like a small train, and as it swings by us the wind blast feels like a small explosion. Out here in this endless Northern Territory desert there are no freeways, only two-lane highways. There are almost no speed limits and no restrictions on how many hours a driver can be at the wheel. In consideration of all these factors, I've decided to put on my seat belt.

Now we've turned off the highway on to a dirt road. The good news is there's no more danger from speeding, hulking road trains. The bad news is we've got 80 km of this very bumpy dirt track to cover. The good news is we have a fascinating video of kangaroos to watch. The bad news is one of the kangaroo joeys (pups) gets eaten by a dingo. Nature is so cruel.

Just when you think things can't get any more interesting, something else happens. Arriving in Santa Teresa, we meet an impressive aboriginal woman named Agnes who runs a spiritual center. It's in the same building where she attended school as a little girl, learning English and other subjects from the nuns. She shows us a few of her paintings, speaking beautifully, interpreting their spiritual meanings for us.

Santa Teresa is a humble place, reminding me more than anything of some American Indian reservations. The streets are dirt, and the homes are small and simple. After seeing many inebriated aboriginals in Alice Springs, I confess I wasn't prepared for a woman with the depth and dignity of Agnes here in tiny Santa Teresa. I was further caught off guard when Agnes told us some of her life journey and her own struggle with alcoholism. With her commanding presence she related how, while living in Alice, all the pressures of life built to a point that she hit bottom and started drinking. She told us there was a voice in her head urging her to throw herself under a truck or a bus and kill herself. The voice said she would be happier if she did that. Her husband was alcoholic too, and she felt hopeless in those days. The voice in her head was persuasive and lasted a long time.

But somehow she resisted it, and one day her sister suggested she write down all her negative thoughts and sins on a piece of paper and put it in the God bottle. So she did. For a long time she was afraid someone would read the piece of paper and discover her shame.

Some time later she was standing by the stove, and felt a sweet breeze on her cheek. She heard a new voice telling her to burn the paper in the God bottle. As soon as this was done she felt an immediate cleansing. Her grief and hopelessness were washed away, replaced by an overpowering sense of love. The voice in her head telling her to kill herself was gone. She became involved with Alcoholics Anonymous.

Occasionally there was still some pain in her body. She decided this must be the pain of Jesus, and she needed to help others as Jesus did. So she came back here to her village and started her center, where she gives assistance to families grappling with alcoholism. She also helps people individually, using the aboriginal practice of "smoking." This is like smudging in native North America. She burns a local grass to make the smoke and pass it over the body. As she does this, she feels the person's hands to sense where the spirit is out of kilter, and tries to correct that for them.

Even more impressively, if that's possible, she has been instrumental in one of the most beautiful art projects I have ever seen. Inside the small Catholic church in Santa Teresa are stunning murals depicting a convergence of both aboriginal and Christian stories. These include the creation stories, and several of the Jesus stories told with aboriginal characters in local settings. It's hard to overstate the beauty of these paintings.

Agnes explained some of these aboriginal stories for us: how the world was created, how the crow and the mynah got their distinctive colors and voices, and how the lizards got their markings. These stories are vividly depicted on the walls, along with many others, like the birth and baptism of Jesus in aboriginal settings. The synthesis of these stories from different cultures and the unexpected beauty of the artwork led me to a profound sense of reverence and hope. Hope for these people, so forgotten for so long, and hope for the next generation of their children. At least the ones in Santa Teresa.

All by themselves, Agnes and this church art were worth our entire trip to the Outback.

© 2006 Greg Tamblyn

Friday, after 4 days in the Outback. We saw our first kangaroo, and ate one as well. Along with emu sausages, crocodile chunks, and barramundi. Skipped the wichitty grubs (you dig them up from under trees) and honey ants. But it's still early in the tour.

We've spent several days hanging out with and learning about the aboriginals. We've learned how to do dot painting, spear throwing, seed grinding, and glue making. We've soaked up many of their myths and legends, which they consider history, not myth. We've visited some of their sacred sites--huge rocks, basically, that you can't stop gawking at. It's amazing how enamored you become with this place. It's just so enormous and dry and ancient. Everyone in our group seems to feel this way. You become connected to the land in a way you weren't expecting. There are so many incredible things about this country that we on the other side of the planet simply don't know about. The people continue to be engaging, open, friendly, helpful--both the whites and aboriginals we've been with in these parks, although the aboriginals are pretty shy.

I saw the southern cross last night--gorgeous. Then I went back outside at 6 AM and Orion was upside down. That was weird. Also, I finally realized the reason I was having trouble staying oriented in the daytime is that the sun is in the northern sky, not the southern. So when you're driving and the sun is low on the left, you're going east, not west. It also took a few days to remember that it's winter here (even though it feels like spring or fall), and the days are shorter than the nights.

Now we're on the highway to Alice Springs, and a topless aboriginal woman just tried to throw herself under our bus. I'm not kidding. This was really strange. She was lying on the highway waiting to get run over. Fortunately we could see her from a distance, and our driver was able to slow down and avoid her. So she got up and tried to run under the bus. There was a man trying to prevent her from doing this, but she was pretty determined, and we just barely missed her. Now our driver is giving us a talk on alcoholism among the aboriginals. Evidently they have no tolerance for alcohol, and evidently in many areas there is little or no employment opportunity for them. In some places I guess it's pretty grim. I've heard Alice is one of those places. I guess we'll see for ourselves.

More soon,
greg

© 2006 Greg Tamblyn

I'm on the plane from Sydney to Ayers Rock (Uluru) in the Outback. I'm exhausted because the lovely local coordinator in charge of this adventure booked me into a room last night with one of the other leaders, a nice guy who unfortunately snores at a volume approximating a lawnmower in a closet. Needless to say I'm less than tickled, but it's our first day with the group so I'm resorting to intravenous caffeine.

We spent last evening in Sydney. Beautiful place. Kinda reminds me of Seattle. Lots to walk around and see there at the harbor, which was all I had time to explore besides the inside of our hotel room, with the jet engine sound effects from the next bed. Did I mention I didn't get any sleep?

Anyway, Sydney is lovely and I'm looking forward to a couple of days there after I get back. Melbourne was also charming, although I had three concerts there and was more concerned with getting over jet lag and regaining some energy than with seeing the sights. But we did get out a bit and tour the city. Beautiful downtown, with a river walk area that is extremely well done, not kitschy at all. Great food courts with wonderful meals and real, actual plates and flatware. Not paper or plastic or styrofoam like we would have. Nice art galleries with interesting aboriginal stuff, and lots of pubs. Some beautiful architecture.

Winter in Melbourne and Sydney is mild. Temps in the 50s and mostly sunny. Good for walking around. The main thing about Australia is how friendly everybody is. They just love to talk to you, kind of like Ireland. In fact, a lot of them claim to be descended from the Irish. Even the shop clerks and restaurant people are chatty and friendly, interested in where you're from and what you think. They like to get a little closer to talk than we do, though. About six inches or a foot closer sometimes, so it feels a bit weird. You definitely know what they had for breakfast, or if they brushed. Even so, they're lively and funny, and seem to love earthy humor. My fart song was especially popular.

Now we're flying into the middle of what appears to be an absolutely desolate continent. I've been looking out the window for two hours and seeing nothing but this barren red desert moonscape. Or maybe Marscape, since it's so red. It's like when you fly over Utah or Nevada and the ground looks barren for maybe half an hour, except that this goes on and on forever. There's just nothing down there. I can't even see any roads. Or water. And it goes on for as far as I can see from the plane. Should be fun.

We have 4 days near Uluru, then 4 days in Alice Springs, then 4 days in Cairns. Cairns is where we get to scuba on the Great Barrier Reef, and see the rainforest with all those exotic species that were supposed to have died out a few million years ago. I'm also hoping to get a look at the huge crocs that are so famous for jumping up out of nowhere and eating people.

If you want to get an enjoyable, overall idea of this place, I suggest Bill Bryson's book, "In A Sunburned Country," which is very well done. Amusing and informative. I like it a lot. It also seems to have been reissued as "Down Under."

That's it for now. They're coming around with the food cart. Platypus steaks and koala smoothies.

Have fun without me,
greg

© 2006 Greg Tamblyn

(Please read both postscripts for the full effect of this story.)

Ever had a brilliant gift idea that turned out to be the most embarrassing and humiliating thing you could have brought to the party?

At a conference on consciousness we were told to bring a small, wrapped present to exchange as a means of getting to know each other. The gift was supposed to be related to something significant in our lives. After wracking my brains for awhile, and looking around the house, I found the perfect thing: a lighter I had brought back from China. It was a souvenir from the first time I ever hosted a group tour, which has become a yearly event since then.

Ah, but this was no ordinary lighter. It was a solid lighter with some heft to it, covered in bright red enamel. On one side, the imposing face of Chairman Mao stares out at you, totally out of context on this goofy trinket. Sort of like Abraham Lincoln on a box of Wheaties. But the kicker is that when you open the top, it plays a silly (and quite frankly annoying) Chinese marching song, which squeals on and on -- lit or not -- until you close it. Or until the battery runs out, should you leave it open for a few days as a sort of Chinese torture for the unlucky people you live with. In short, it's pretty funny. And it kind of reduces Mao to the status of a cartoon, which I like.

I've given a few of these away to friends, and everybody gets a kick out of them. My brother likes to walk down the grocery store aisle with his lighter held aloft, music blaring and people staring. I think he does it to embarrass his daughter. But I digress...

So I felt quite proud of myself for bringing this funny, clever gift that I knew everyone at the conference would find amusing. That first night, all 120 of us were sorted into small circles of eight, and instructed to put our presents in the middle. One by one we took turns choosing a gift that someone else had brought, and then we took turns unwrapping them. When someone opened the gift you brought, you explained what it meant to you, and so we'd get to know a bit about each other.

But what happened in our little circle was a kind of cosmic joke.

Imagine: out of all the 120 people at this event, the one person who ended up with my little wrapped package containing this incredibly funny, brilliantly clever, totally unique Chairman Mao lighter, just happened to be the childhood/ lifelong friend, as well as the official biographer of.........the Dalai Lama.

I'm not kidding.

He was seated just to my left. I didn't know there would be a Tibetan at this conference. I didn't know there would be a man who, as I later found out, actually fought Chinese soldiers and was forced to flee into exile as they took over and brutalized his country.

As soon as I saw him pick up the little package, I felt myself shrink about five sizes. What I really wanted was to disappear altogether. If humiliation was a color, I would have been a bright orange smoke bomb, just fizzing away into nothing.

All the time we were going around the circle opening presents, I was sitting there, completely freaked out at the fact that I'd brought the most insulting gift I possibly could have, and it was going to be unbearably awkward when this gentle, elderly, dignified, much-loved man opened it. Unbelievably embarrassing. Life-shattering buckets of shame. For once in my life, I'd been just a little too clever, and my sick sense of humor had come back to haunt me. How could I possibly explain this to him? What could I say? Especially when all the other gifts were so thoughtful and beautiful. What would he say? What would he do?

When it got to be my turn, I suggested we switch presents.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I don't think you'll like it. I want you to have something you'll like."

"No," he said. "I chose this one."

Slowly and calmly, he unwrapped the lighter. He turned it over, and for a minute just looked at the picture of Mao. I can't remember if he opened the top and played the little song.

After what seemed like forever, during which time I would have gladly traded my whole life to be somewhere else, he spoke.

"Oh," he said firmly. "This is karma."

He looked at me with steady, sincere eyes and said,
"This will help me remember to practice compassion."


POSTSCRIPT #1

The next morning, I was relating this episode to one of the conference organizers, and she insisted I tell the entire gathering about it. So I got up in front of the group and told this story. When I mentioned who got the lighter, everybody gasped. And then when I told them what Kuno (his nickname) had said, Kuno stood up, smiled and bowed low, and everybody laughed. And right then we all got it that he was really okay about it.

During the week of this conference, every time I saw Kuno he would shake my hand and thank me for the lighter. So by the end of the week, we had kind of become buddies. On the last morning, he sat next to me at lunch. We talked about Dharmsala, where the Tibetan refugees live with the Dalai Lama, and about life in India. I told him I'd always wanted to go there, and about hosting my group tours. Kuno picked up on this immediately. He invited me to Dharmsala, and said he had friends who would handle all the travel arrangements for us. We could even do some kind of a concert with myself and some Tibetan musicians. He was really into the whole idea, and I got all excited at the prospect too.

It's amazing how things work out sometimes.


POSTSCRIPT #2

(A letter from a friend at the conference, reporting how Kuno described this experience.)

"Dear Greg,

I love that you tell the story about your lighter, but you must tell more of the story. The way you ended it made it sound like he was being polite--but it was MUCH more than that. It was huge, and wonderful.

You should have heard Kuno's talk at the International House after the Conference. He began to talk about his history and connection with the Dalai Lama, and he briefly mentioned his important role as a general in the war. He spoke about how the Chinese killed his parents, family members, and so many of his friends. He talked about his anger at the Chinese--so much anger. He talked about how the Dalai Lama told him many times, he needed to make peace with the Chinese, to not hate them, to have love in his heart, compassion, forgiveness. He saw no way to do this, it was impossible, he hated them all to such an extent that he wouldn't even eat Chinese food. The Dalai Lama would laugh at this and tell him that Chinese food is very good and his anger is making him miss out on some very good things.

Well, before the conference Kuno was visiting a site of one of the bloody battles between China and Tibet where he lost many friends. He was at the memorial, trying to make peace, but only feeling anger, pain and sadness. He began to cry. A couple was there, crying also. They and Kuno started talking about their losses, and began bonding. After a while they decided to go to a place for some food and to talk more. During the meal each asked where the other was from, and it turned out that the couple were Chinese! He had thought they were on his side, not theirs. Karma again. They continued their meal together with new understanding. This expereince totally changed his perspective.

He wanted to continue healing so he then started trying to get to know Chinese people. He tried Chineese food and liked it. When the conference organizer invited Kuno to be with us, he also wanted to set up some lectures for Kuno in the area and offered to let him stay at his house. Kuno told him that he would like to do the lectures, but he wanted to stay with a Chinese family, if possible. The organizer said that would be very easy to organize since his foreign-exchange student host falmily lived nearby, and they just happen to be Chinese! (Coincidence? I think not.) Kuno stayed with the Chinese family before and after the conference and had a wonderful time in their home.

After a couple of days with them, he came to our conference and received your lighter. At this point in his lecture, he held up your lighter, lit it, and played the little song. He told the story of getting the lighter at the conference, of all the groups he could have been with, of all the wrapped gifts he could have picked, he picked you and yours.

It was a gift, supporting his new path to healing. At the time you picked the gift, you didn't know about his new found attempts at healing this pain in his heart, but you helped the process and supported his new path.

I bet the Dalai Lama had a big belly laugh when Kuno told the full story to him.

It's a full circle thing.

If I were you, I'd be honored to be part of that healing circle.

And the lesson for you? Trust your instincts. There is a reason for everything. There's probably even a reason you were put in that situation so you could fidget and feel such nervousness--but only you know the answer to that.

Love,
Alison Sheafor-Joy"

© 2006 Greg Tamblyn

Hi Everybody,

I hope you're fully immersed in Random Acts of Kindness Week.
Remember, you don't have to stop when the week is over!

In this issue:

SURPRISE--MODERN MEDICINE!
NEW RECOVERY MUSIC WEBSITE
ATTENTION: BOOMERS AND YOUNG SENIORS...


SURPRISE--MODERN MEDICINE!

One morning last fall, after sleeping off a particularly spicy meal, I noticed a sharp pain in my lower gut. Assuming this was connected to the chili pepper orgy of the previous evening, I didn't think much about it. But the pain hung around for days, like a bad odor in a closed room. (How's that for a bad simile?) A few weeks later the pain was still camping out down there, and strangely, it seemed to get worse after coffee, spicy food, pineapple, or tomatoes.

So I finally gave in and saw my doctor. I asked if there some kind of test we could do. She said probably a CT scan would be best.

Since my health policy has a $5,000 deductible--your basic catastrophic insurance--and since my gut didn't feel this was going to be catastrophic, I told my doctor I wanted to pay for the scan myself.

After calling several places, I found one in a very upscale suburb. Their rate was actually near the lower end of the cat scan price scale, and they could even schedule me the same day. So I relayed this to my doctor and she called them. She spoke to someone she assumed was a radiologist about the right test to do, and set it all up for late afternoon.

At 4 PM I zipped right in (no waiting!) and the guy did the scan in about 15 minutes. Very friendly, very professional.

Back at the counter, I asked if I could get my report the next day in order to make some travel decisions for work. The girl said no, and I asked why. She hemmed and hawed but I persisted. Eventually she coughed it up: "Because it usually takes 48 hours to get the report back from India."

"India?"

"Yes."

"Did you say India?"

"Yes."

"You're outsourcing my cat scan to India?"

"Yes."

"I thought your radiologist was right here."

"No, in India. We have several. We don't actually know who they are, but we're sure they're all qualified."

"You're sending my cat scan to an unknown doctor in India?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me that up front?"

"Because you didn't ask."

Needless to say, I was a wee bit cranky at this blatant lack of disclosure, and I let them know it. The management-type person I raised hell with said he didn't actually know for sure where the cat scan was being sent. It could be any country in the world. But he was sure they were all qualified.

Now lest you think I'm biased against India or their doctors, it's not about that. I'm sure there are many fine qualified physicians in India, and in the Philippines or Mongolia or whatever other countries this place is using. But if I'm paying hundreds of dollars for a procedure that's affecting the health of my own personal body, I'd kind of like to know who's analyzing the work. I'd kind of like to be able to actually talk to that person if I have something so radical as a question.

In spite of feeling duped, however, I couldn't help but notice the irony of it all. This whole episode, culminating with my outsourced Indian cat scan, began the morning after a very spicy meal in a Pakistani restaurant. Their mutual animosity was continuing in my gut.

Fortunately, Dr. Mamesh Shah of somewhere in India reports that as far as he can tell, my gut is fine.

And happily, the pain has now left. But even so, I'm getting a second opinion from my former college roommate. He's a urologist from Jamaica.

© 2006 Greg Tamblyn


NEW RECOVERY MUSIC WEBSITE

Here's a cool new website: Sunlight of the Spirit Music features CDs created by artists in recovery, with the largest selection of twelve step and recovery music available for dealing with alcoholism and addiction in all its forms. A couple of my CDs are available there, and many others by artists you may or may not know, but will enjoy.

They also wholesale CDs to recovery and spiritual bookstores all over the world, so if you're aware of any stores in your area, please let me know and I'll pass the info along. Check it out here:
http://www.sunlightofthespiritmusic.com/index.htm

And here's a link to a great article for in-depth info:
http://www.mkbmedia.com/blogs/news


ATTENTION: BOOMERS AND YOUNG SENIORS...

Check out http://www.50plusmag.com. This is a fun, engaging site for the above mentioned age group, although there are items of interest here for almost everybody. Subjects include travel, humor, sex, health, retirement, grandparenting, puzzles, and lots more. Editor Gary Geyer was a highly paid advertising creative director who left that world to start his online "zine." I always find something fresh and stimulating here to digest and/or entertain. (And I'm not easily entertained!)

Yesterday at Unity of Vancouver (Washington) I was the guest speaker and musician in the morning service. It took maybe five seconds between the time I was introduced to step to the stage and put on my guitar. I turned around to the microphone to say good morning and sing this sweet, reverent, spiritual number I'd prepared. I looked up, and in those few seconds the entire congregation had put on large fake black mustaches.

Now that's my kind of church.

© 2005 Greg Tamblyn

TuneTown E-News #30
www.gregtamblyn.com
(Note: To read previous NEWS entries, just scroll down until you get there...)


BOG SNORKELLING IN IRELAND

You know you've had a great trip when you stumble onto something so weird and different, so out of your conceptual comfort zone that it sticks in your mind like dog hair on a wool suit. And when it involves two words you never in your most inspired or inebriated moments dreamed would ever go together, it's even better.

For me, in Ireland, it was Bog Snorkelling.

The first time I heard it, I was hooked, without even knowing what it was. (And besides, it's a fabulous name for a rock band.) It conjured up images so wild and dark, I could barely contain my glee. What could they be talking about? Actually snorkeling in a bog? I had to find out more.

We had just climbed up and down 670 ancient stone steps without any handrails in a driving rain and blustery winds on a steep, rocky moonscape of an island known as Skellig Michael. It's ten miles out into the rough Atlantic from the safe, cozy irish coastline. Back in the seventh century some Irish monks hatched the rather bizarre notion that it would be a good and Holy thing to row out to this giant, jagged, jutting hunk of rock, somehow climb to the windy top (this would have been before the stone steps, because they built them), and erect some stone huts. Then they would live up there without any material comforts as a sacrifice to God. (Learning this, you get the feeling that the Irish beer must have been pretty good even back then.)

So they did it, and for several centuries this was The Place To Pilgrimage for your basic Irish ascetic. And if it wasn't stark and forbidding enough, you could always crawl 12 feet or so out onto a narrow, plank-like rock promontory and kiss the base of a cross that stood 700 feet above the jagged rocks and sea below. It's an unforgettable place to visit, and as this was something of an adventure tour of Ireland, I was eager to see what was next.

So Dave and Mark (our highly competent Vagabond Adventure Tour guides) mentioned that they wanted to take us out to jump on the Irish bog. I jokingly asked if bog-jumping is one of the ancient Gaelic sports played only in Ireland, like hurling. Now the phrase "bog snorkelling" may make you feel like hurling, but that's not what Irish hurling is. I can say this with certainty, because we watched the All-Ireland Hurling Finals between Cork and Galway. (For all of you holding your breath, Cork won.)

Hurling is one of those field sports like soccer, football, or rugby, where one team tries to get the ball into the goal more times than the other team. Except that in hurling the men have wooden bats ("hurls") to hit the ball viciously through the air while running at full speed without any padding or evidently much in the way of a self-preservation instinct. My lasting impression was that it looked like the best way I have ever seen to lose a few teeth. Or possibly an ear.

Even so, it's a terribly exciting sport and we all got really involved in pulling for Galway, since we were watching it in the actual County Galway itself, in a lovely little pub surrounded by dozens of highly excited Galwegians with their few hundred pints of Guinness. Also since the event has roughly the same level of sporting significance as the Super Bowl does in the States.

Anyway, Dave replied that no, there's no sport of Bog Jumping. But there IS the sport of Bog Snorkelling (I felt myself tingling all over), and to understand it, we had to experience the bog. For all the non-geologists in the group, Dave and Mark explained that the bog is simply the remains of ancient plants and animals compressed into layers. It's basically very young coal. And for millennia the Irish have been cutting the bog into bricks, drying it, and burning it for fuel. Some of them even say they like the smell.

Now the bog is not like any ground you have ever walked on. It's spongy and soft. Kind of like a giant, goofy trampoline. Dave told half the group to jump up and down together, and the rest of us felt the earth move and shake, like that Carole King song. It was weird, but fun.

Then we took turns cutting bricks out of the bog so we could see how soft it was. But what you easily discern is that cutting the bog creates long channels about the width of a swimming lane, and they tend to fill up with an oozing, dark, murky, unimaginably dank, soupy substance that surely contains everything scary and horrible from all the ancient Celtic myths and legends. (Not unlike what Tim Robbins swam through in The Shawshank Redemption.) Mark told us to be very careful not to fall in it, because you could quite easily just sink out of sight. I presume what he meant was sink right into the nether world of demons and bog monsters. He looked very serious, and I believed him.

Somewhere, somehow (probably in a pub after a hurling final), somebody got the idea that it would be a fun and exciting thing to strap on a snorkel and swim through this stuff. And even make it a competition.

Now this is evidently not without precedent. In very ancient Irish culture (so we were told by our highly competent Vagabond tour guides, who could have been making this up), one of the ways you proved you were man enough to be king was to first parade naked before the tribe to demonstrate your manliness, then bathe in a giant cauldron of soup made of horse parts from a mare that had been sacrificed for this purpose. The king and tribe would then drink the soup of horse parts, and presumably whatever had been under the king's toenails, to absorb the power of the animal.

(As an aside, I would like to see this ritual reinstated for presidential inaugurations. George W. Bush, for example, sees himself as a manly kind of leader. I think public bathing in a giant vat of horsesoup would be appropriate for him. Maybe the Chief Justice could get in there with him. Or maybe we could use it to decide political races. Wouldn't you prefer an elected official who was willing to get down in the muck with the people -- say, in New Orleans -- instead of flying over it in Air Force One?)

So Bog Snorkelling is really just the latest incarnation of the ancient Celtic or even neolithic way of confronting the scary, dark side of the unconscious and the creepy. There is a competition and timing aspect to it, but even if you don't win the race, just getting in the slimy bog pool and snorkeling 50-60 feet would say a lot about your courage. Or sanity. Or sobriety.

The only disappointing thing about it all was finding out that wetsuits and swim masks are allowed. I'm sure they would have been sneered at by the ancient Celtic kings. Maybe there is a sanitation factor or something to consider nowadays, but the truth is we're probably just not as rugged as the Bog Lords of Olde. (Another good name for a band.)

Okay, I know what you're thinking: "So how was it?" Well, honesty compels me to admit: I didn't actually try it. But not from lack of desire. Our highly competent, ever-prepared guides, not imagining for a moment that anyone from the States would be crazy enough to even consider this, did not actually have the required snorkelage equipment on board. This is an oversight I'm sure they'll correct for the next group.

And besides, I need a noble purpose to take me back to Ireland as soon as possible.

And just in case you're getting the impression the whole of our Ireland experience was spent in bogs, pubs, and Skelligs, we did spend part of the World Day of Prayer in a tiny, 1000 year old, still-intact stone chapel (The Gallerus Oratory) reading poetry and singing together. It was lovely.


Bog Snorkelling takes place in Wales, Ireland and possibly wherever there are bogs. The world championships are in Wales every August. (To find out more, here's a website with photos: http://llanwrtyd-wells.powys.org.uk/bog.html)

© 2005 Greg Tamblyn

TuneTown E-News #29
www.gregtamblyn.com

(Note: To read previous NEWS entries, just scroll down till you get there.....)


DAD FINALLY GETS AN ACE
THE MATCHING LUGGAGE THEORY OF RELATIONSHIPS
POSITIVE MUSIC ASSOCIATION



DAD FINALLY GETS AN ACE

My dad passed away in February. We had him cremated and gave him a loving, upbeat service telling stories and singing songs. But we weren't finished. The way we finally sent him off was a little wacky.

His 80th birthday would have been July 2. So all of us in the family converged at my brother's house for dinner. We ate, talked, and played games until around 10 pm, when it was really dark outside. Then all 15 of us, from my little grade-schooler nephews to my 80-something mother, dressed up in our darkest burglar clothes, and sneaked onto the golf course where Dad had been a member for 40 years.

A couple hundred people were doing their social thing just a stone's throw away in the clubhouse. So we creeped around in the dark, laughing in whispers and spreading handfuls of Dad's ashes on some of the holes we knew he liked. We also put some in the lake where our giant mutant labrador used to submerge himself in the stinky mud. Then, covered in slime and full of doggie joy, he'd race around the course mounting unsuspecting golfers who happened to be bending over their bags at exactly the wrong time. (Dad always offered to pay for their dry cleaning.)

We finished up in a circle on the 18th fairway, singing Happy Birthday to him as loud as we could, then ran back to our cars before they could kick us off.

What I loved about this whole goofy goodbye ritual is how into it we all were. Even the littlest kids were grabbing handfuls of Dad and gently lofting him into the breeze. It was a great family outing. A real team-building experience. But what I liked most was Mom's idea to put some ashes in the cup of Dad's favorite par 3, so he could finally get a hole in one!

Very cool, Mom.

© 2005 Greg Tamblyn


THE MATCHING LUGGAGE THEORY OF RELATIONSHIPS

Mom and Dad were married for 58 years, which I attribute to what I call the Matching Luggage Theory of relationships. It's very simple: we each come into a relationship with our own emotional baggage. So the trick is to find somebody with matching luggage. Because then at least it's familiar. There's a comfort level. ("Oh, yeah, I know that little act--I've done it myself.")

But that clashing luggage--that's what drives you crazy. It's like a language you can't speak, or tools you don't know how to use. (Sorry about the clashing metaphors.) So if you're single, look for somebody with matching luggage. You'll be "happier."

(Note to analytical types: please don't spend a lot of time thinking about this.)

© 2005 Greg Tamblyn


POSITIVE MUSIC ASSOCIATION

Are you like me? Are you tired of listening to Station WVLS?
(Whiny Victim Love Songs) Good news: time to check out Poz Radio at
www.positivemusicassociation.com.
You can listen to really cool, uplifting music all day long, and if there's somebody you especially like you can find 'em in the roster and browse their site, their CDs, and much more. This is the brainchild of Scott Johnson, and it's a great resource for us indie artists as well as all music lovers. Worthy of our support.

© 2005 Greg Tamblyn

(Note: To read previous NEWS entries, just scroll down till you get there.....)



THE 2005 WHINY VICTIM LOVE SONG AWARDS
(a.k.a. "The Whineys")

by Greg Tamblyn

In the spirit of fun, and with an ear toward raising the consciousness of both
music lovers and music makers everywhere, we here at TuneTown Records
present the 2005 winners (losers?) for the best (worst?) whiny victim love songs,
as submitted by a cadre of devoted and amused listeners.

From Carole King to Sting, from Alanis to Janis, from Macy Gray to Brother Ray, the submissions were astonishing. Indeed, the lineup of artists and writers is a Who's Who of Hall of Fame candidates: Celine Dion, Luciano Pavarotti, Jewel, Joan Jett, Jacques Brel, Gilbert and Sullivan, Bacharach and David, Toni Braxton and Aretha Franklin, among others. The nominees were sent to a panel of 23 independent judges who contributed not only their votes but some hilarious and pointed comments. Some of these judges, it should be noted, are firmly ensconced in the "Music Bizness."

The award-winning songs are the ones that do the most to celebrate victimhood, and turn love into a hostage situation. They are songs that go far beyond sadness and loneliness, to an island of desperation and longing that no one should inhabit.
Except maybe Phil Spector.

Friends, we have work to do! Let us be vigilant. Let us consign these songs
and their illegitimate, inbred cousins to their rightful place in the world of entertainment: Material For Comedy!

Here then, in reverse order, are the top 10 for 2005, with judges comments.
(To see all 35 contest entries, scroll down to the next NEWS entry.)


10. (tie) IF LOVING YOU IS WRONG...I DON'T WANT TO BE RIGHT
Writers: H. Banks / R. Jackson / C. Hampton)
Recorded by Barbara Mandrell, among others
(submitted by Denise)

Am I wrong to fall
So deeply in love with you...
Knowing you've got a wife and two little children
Depending on you too
Am I wrong to hunger
For the gentleness of your touch...
Knowing you've got someone else at home
Who needs you just as much
Am I wrong to give my love
To a married man? 
Am I wrong for trying to hold on
To the best thing I've ever had?
If loving you is wrong...I don't want to be right
If loving you is wrong...I don't want to be right


Judges Comments:
"This should be inducted into the Hall of Shameful Love Songs."
"Ahhh, she missed the 'No Trespassing' sign as she drove down Lost Integrity Lane into Self-Sabotage County!!!"
"She definitely needs to save up and buy a clue."


10. (tie) DIE WITHOUT YOU
Brandy
submitted by Beth

If I have to give away
The feeling that I feel
If I have to sacrifice
Whatever, baby, whatever, baby
If I have to take apart
All that I am
Is there anything that I would not do?
'Cause inside, I'd die without you

Oh, I apologize for all the things I've done
But now I'm underwater and I'm drowning
Is it my turn to be the one to cry?
Isn't it amazing how some things just completely turn around?
So take ev'ry little piece of my heart
So take ev'ry little piece of my soul
So take ev'ry little piece of my mind
'Cause if you're gone
Inside, I'd die without you

Judges comments:
"This was way too traumatic.  I need a nap!"


8. (tie) PIECE OF MY HEART
(Bert Berns/Jerry Ragovoy)
Recorded by Erma Franklin, Janis Joplin, Faith Hill, others
(submitted by Ric)

didn't i make you feel
like you were the only man?
didnt i give ya everything
that a woman possibly can?
but with all the love i give you
its never enough
but im gonna show you baby
that a woman can be tough

so come on, come on, come on, come one
and take another little piece of my heart now baby
break it
break another little bit of my heart now honey
have another little piece of my heart baby
you know you got it
if it makes you feel good

Judges comments:
"The truly sick thing is that until I woke up to this stuff I thought some
of these were good songs!"


8. (tie) AS LONG AS HE NEEDS ME
from "Oliver"
(submitted by Sandy B)

(Context note: "He" beats her to death by the end of the show)

As long as he needs me...
Oh, yes, he does need me...
In spite of what you see...
...I'm sure that he needs me.
Who else would love him still
When they've been used so ill?
He knows I always will...
As long as he needs me.

I miss him so much when he is gone,
But when he's near me, I don't let on...
...The way I feel inside.
The love, I have to hide...
The hell! I've got my pride
As long as he needs me


Judges comments:
"I had to add this one, just because of the context note."


7. #1 CRUSH
Garbage
(submitted by Laura P)

I will burn for you
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart
And tear it apart
I will lie for you
Beg and steal for you
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see
You're just like me
Violate all the love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
You will believe in me
And I can never be ignored

I would die for you
I would kill for you
I will steal for you
I'd do time for you
I would wait for you
I'd make room for you
I'd sink ships for you
To be close to you
To be a part of you
'Cause I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you


Judges comments:
"I had no idea these kinds of lyrics existed...."
"I´m glad I never heard this song......Number One for stupid." 


6. LOSER
Beck
(submitted by Andy and Patricia -- $50 winner)

Someone keeps sayin' I'm insane to complain
About a shotgun wedding and a stain on my shirt
Don't believe everything that you breathe
You get a parking violation and a maggot on your sleeve
So shave your face with some mace in the dark
Savin' all your food stamps and burnin' down the trailer park

Yo cut it

Soy un perdedor ("I´m a loser" in Spanish)
I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?
Double-barrel buckshot
Soy un perdedor
I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?


Judges comments:
"This hair ball sure has himself in an iron box labeled 'hell'.  Can we say - -  'dark'???"
"Yes, kill me. THEN you'll love me. Maybe then I can speak communicable English too."


5. WHISKEY LULLABYE
Melonie Cannon
Written by Bill Anderson & Jon Randall
©2003 Sony/ATV Tree Pub./Mr. Bubba Music (BMI)/
Reynsong Pub. Corp./Whayasay Music (BMI)
(submitted by Aleta -- $50 winner)

She put him out... like the burning end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart... he spent his whole life trying to forget
We watched him drink away his pain a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
Till the night

He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And he finally blew away her memory
Life is short, but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said "I´ll love her till I die"
And when they buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby


Judges comments:
"...that crazy Whiskey Lullabye, holy crap, out does the rest by a state."
"After participating in last year's selection, I remember thinking, 'Well, that's that. There really aren't too many more whiny victim, co-dependent songs left for next year's contest. After all, Diane Warren isn't cranking 'em out like she used to.' Wow, was I wrong! 35 entries. And almost all would easily qualify to be in the top 5."


4. I HATE YOU THEN I LOVE YOU
Celine Dion & Luciano Pavarotti
also recorded by Shirley Bassey
(writers: Tony Renis, Ediciones De Falla, Manuel De Falla, Alberto Testa, Fabio Testa, and Norman Newell)
(submitted by Beth -- $50 winnner)

You treat me wrong
You treat me right
You let me be
You make me fight with you / I could never live without you

You make me high
You bring me down
You set me free
You hold me bound to you

I hate you
Then I love you
Then I love you
Then I hate you
Then I love you more / I love you more
For whatever you do / For whatever you do
I never, never, never
Want to be in love with anyone but you


Judges comments:
"Ah, someone finally figured out true love."
"The idea that Celine Dion and Luciano Pavarotti would lend their vocal talents to a lyric like "I Hate You Then I Love You," makes me suspect that their respective managers must have been on a beautiful tropical island somewhere (with Celine and Luciano's money), when they should have been in the studio doing everything in their power to prevent these two talented vocalists from singing such an unhealthy piece of tripe."


3. STILL
Macy Gray
(submitted by Laura Sue -- $50 winner)

In my last year with him there were bruises on my face
In my dawn and new day
I finally got away
But my head's all messed up and he knows
just what to say
No more dawn and new days
I'm goin back to stay
Why say bye bye
When it only makes me cry

I still
Light up like a candle burnin when he calls me up
I still
Melt down like a candle burnin everytime we touch
Oh say what you will
He does me wrong and I should be gone
I still
Be lovin you baby and it's much to much


Judges comments:
"An anthem for battered women"
"Wow--you (almost) deserve to be prey"
"I think she must have bruises on the brain to be singing this."


2. PLEASE HURT ME
Little Eva
(Gerry Goffin/Carole King)
(submitted by Stephen E -- multi-award rule)

If you gotta hurt somebody, please hurt me
& if you gotta break a heart, then please break mine
I won't cry if you deceive me
I'll take it with a smile
I know someday you will leave me
But at least I'll have you for a while
So darlin', if you gotta hurt somebody, please hurt me
& if I have to be a plaything, that's what I'll be
Please hurt me, oh please hurt me
Come on & please hurt me
Why don't you please hurt me


Judges comments:
"Short and to the point. Title says it all."
"......a toxic dose of martyrdom"
"Carole King wrote this?? Wow!"


1. HE HIT ME (And It Felt Like A Kiss)
The Crystals, Courtney Love and Hole
(Carole King, Gerry Goffin)
(submitted by Stephen E -- $200 winner!)

He hit me
And it felt like a kiss
He hit me
But it didn't hurt me

He couldn't stand to hear me say
That I'd been with someone new
And when I told him
I had been untrue

He hit me
And it felt like a kiss
He hit me
And I knew he loved me

'Cause if he didn't care for me
I could've never made him mad
He hit me
And I was glad

Baby won't you stay
Baby won't you stay
Baby won't you stay
Never go away


Judges comments:
"What a slew of gruel! I feel like I need to take a shower."
"People also cut themselves to make them feel."
"This relationship is not headed in a good direction, I would guess….just a guess, of course.  I could be wrong…but, I don´t have a good feeling about it.  Just an instinct.  Maybe it´s just me.  Is it just me?"


Note: Carole King and Gerry Goffin were inspired to write this after Little Eva (pop singer famous for her hit "The Loco-Motion") told them about her relationship with an abusive boyfriend. Due to the subject matter and lyrics, this was a complete failure. It was disliked by the public, and radio stations denied the song airplay. The Crystals hated the song as well. Why Phil Spector convinced them to record it and then tried to release it as a single remains a mystery today. (from songfacts.com)

Well, obviously Carole King and Gerry Goffin had a weird streak. The fact that they wrote at least two songs as sick as these is truly amazing, and something I'm guessing they'd love to forget. And since those songs are over 40 years old, we can kind of let them off the hook a little. But--it lives on--it was released on a 1997 album by Courtney Love and Hole! What's also mind-blowing is that so many other songs in the top 10 are so recent.

(To read ALL the contest entries and for more contest info, please scroll down to the next NEWS entry.)

--Greg Tamblyn is a Kansas City singer, songwriter, and humorist.
His song "Common Side Effects Include" (written with Richard Helm)
recently won Best Novelty Song (out of 140,000 songs) in the
2004 Just Plain Folks Music Awards for independent artists.
(http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/gregtamblyn7)
(http://www.jpfolks.com)

ENTRIES

THE 2005 WHINY VICTIM LOVE SONG AWARDS

a.k.a. "The Whineys"

The entries are in, the judges are judging, and the results will be announced during Valentine's Week.

So here for your entertainment, enlightenment, and edification
(whatever that means) are the entries.
Please check back after Valentine's Day for "the whinners."

Enjoy!



1. I HATE YOU THEN I LOVE YOU
Celine Dion & Luciano Pavarotti
also recorded by Shirley Bassey
(writers: Tony Renis, Ediciones De Falla, Manuel De Falla, Alberto Testa, Fabio Testa, and Norman Newell)
submitted by Beth

I'd like to run away from you
But if I were to leave you I would die
I'd like to break the chains you put around me
And yet I'll never try

No matter what you do you drive me crazy
I'd rather be alone
But then I know my life would be so empty
As soon as you were gone

Impossible to live with you
But I could never live without you
For whatever you do / For whatever you do
I never, never, never
Want to be in love with anyone but you

You make me sad
You make me strong
You make me mad
You make me long for you / You make me long for you

You make me live
You make me die
You make me laugh
You make me cry for you / You make me cry for you

I hate you
Then I love you
Then I love you
Then I hate you
Then I love you more
For whatever you do
I never, never, never
Want to be in love with anyone but you

You treat me wrong
You treat me right
You let me be
You make me fight with you / I could never live without you

You make me high
You bring me down
You set me free
You hold me bound to you

I hate you
Then I love you
Then I love you
Then I hate you
Then I love you more / I love you more
For whatever you do / For whatever you do
I never, never, never
Want to be in love with anyone but you

I never, never, never
I never, never, never
I never, never, never
Want to be in love with anyone but you
But you




2. EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE
The Police (Sting)
submitted by Beth


Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you

Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you say
I'll be watching you

O can't you see
You belong to me
How my poor heart aches
With every step you take

Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I'll be watching you

Since you've gone I been lost without a trace
I dream at night I can only see your face
I look around but it's you I can't replace
I feel so cold and I long for your embrace
I keep crying baby, baby, please

O can't you see
You belong to me
How my poor heart aches
With every breath you take

Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake

Every move you make
Every step you take
I'll be watching you




3. DIE WITHOUT YOU
Brandy
submitted by Beth

Is it my turn to wish you were lying here?
I tend to dream you when I'm not sleeping
Is it my turn to fictionalize my world
Or even imagine your emotions to tell myself anything?
Is it my turn to hold you by your hands
Tell you I love you, and you not hear me?
Is it my turn to totally understand
To watch you walk out of my life and not do a damn thing?

(Chorus:)
If I have to give away
The feeling that I feel
If I have to sacrifice
Whatever, baby, whatever, baby
If I have to take apart
All that I am
Is there anything that I would not do?
'Cause inside, I'd die without you

Oh, I apologize for all the things I've done
But now I'm underwater and I'm drowning
Is it my turn to be the one to cry?
Isn't it amazing how some things just completely turn around?
So take ev'ry little piece of my heart
So take ev'ry little piece of my soul
So take ev'ry little piece of my mind
'Cause if you're gone
Inside, I'd die without you

(Repeat chorus)

I'd die without you
I'd die without you...




4. BREAK ME
Jewel
submitted by Beth

I will meet you
In some place
Where the light lends itself
To soft repose
I will let you undress me
But I warn you
I have thorns like any rose

You could hurt me
With your bare hands
You could hurt me
Using the sharp end of what you say
But I´m lost to you now
And there´s no amount of reason
That could save me

Chorus:
So break me
Take me
Just let me feel your arms again
Break me
I´ll let you make me
Just let me feel your love again

Feels like being underwater
Now that I´ve let go
And lost control
Water kisses fill my mouth
Water fills my soul

Chorus

Bridge:
Kiss me once
Well, maybe twice
Oh, it never felt so nice

Chorus

Just let me feel your love again




5. I HATE MYSELF FOR LOVING YOU
Joan Jett
submitted by Beth

Midnight gettin´ uptight where are you
You said you´d meet me now it´s quarter to two
I know I´m hangin´ but I´m still wantin´ you

Hey jack it´s a fact they´re talkin´ in town
I turn my back and you´re messin´ around
I´m not really jealous don´t like lookin´ like a clown

I think of you ev´ry night and day
You took my heart then you took my pride away

I hate myself for loving you
Can´t break free from the the things that you do
I wanna walk but I run back to you that´s why
I hate myself for loving you

Daylight spent the night without you
But I´ve been dreamin´ ´bout the lovin´ you do
I won´t be as angry ´bout the hell you put me through

Hey man bet you can treat me right
You just don´t know what you was missin´ last night
I wanna see your face and say forget it just from spite

I hate myself for loving you
Can´t break free from the the things that you do
I wanna walk but I run back to you, that´s why
I hate myself for loving you

I hate myself for loving you
Can´t break free from the things that you do
I wanna walk but I run back to you that´s why
I hate myself for loving you

I think of you ev´ry night and day
You took my heart then you took my pride away

I hate myself for loving you
Can´t break free from the the things that you do
I wanna walk but I run back to you that´s why
I hate myself for loving you
I hate myself for loving you
I hate myself for loving you




6. CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOUR LOVE AND AFFECTION
Nelson
submitted by Beth

Here she comes, just like an angel
Seems like forever that she's been on my mind
But nothing has changed
She thinks I'm a waste of her time

There she goes, she don't know what she's missing
Can't she see I'll never give up the fight
I'll do all I can till she understands my desire
I'm on the outside lookin in

Let me into your heart - oh
There's nothing on earth that
Should keep up apart
I can't live without your love and affection
I can't face another night on my own
I'd give up my pride to save me from being alone
'Cause I can't live without your love

So I wait, here for an answer
And wonder if tomorrow will be like yesterday
I'll keep holding on
But I can't go on living this way

I've been on the outside looking in
Bring these tears to an end - oh
I realize there's no use for me to pretend
Oh yeah

I can't live without your love and affection
I can't face another night on my own
I'd give up my pride to save me from being alone
'Cause I can't live without your love
For your love...I'd put my arms around you
For your love...and find the strength to tell you

Chorus:
I can't live without your love and affection
I just can't go on this way anymore
As hard as I try there's on thing that I know for sure
I can't live without your love
I can't live without your love




7. UNBREAK MY HEART
Toni Braxton
(written by Dianne Warren)
submitted by Beth

Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Come back and bring back my smile
Come and take these tears away
I need your arms to hold me now
The nights are so unkind
Bring back those nights when I held you beside me

Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Un-do this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked outta my life
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my heart, my heart

Take back that sad word good-bye
Bring back the joy to my life
Don't leave me here with these tears
Come and kiss this pain away
I can't forget the day you left
Time is so unkind
And life is so cruel without you here beside me
(chorus)

Ohh, oh
Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Bring back the nights when I held you beside me
(chorus)

Un-break my
Un-break my heart, oh baby
Come back and say you love me
Un-break my heart
Sweet darlin'
Without you I just can't go on
Can't go on




8. STILL
Macy Gray
submitted by Laura Sue

In my last year with him there were bruises on my face
In my dawn and new day
I finally got away
But my head's all messed up and he knows
just what to say
No more dawn and new days
I'm goin back to stay
Why say bye bye
When it only makes me cry

I still
Light up like a candle burnin when he calls me up
I still
Melt down like a candle burnin everytime we touch
Oh say what you will
He does me wrong and I should be gone
I still
Be lovin you baby and it's much to much

We are going down
Cuz you're always getting high
And your crumbs of lovin
No longer get me by
Wow! It gets better everytime that we get high
Then your crumbs of lovin
They somehow get me by
Why say bye bye
When it only makes me cry

I still
Light up like a candle burnin when he calls me up
I still
Melt down like a candle burnin evertime we touch
Oh say what you will
He does me wrong and I should be gone
I still
Be lovin you baby and it's much too much

Can't I go my severed way?
Some rain for my sunny day
Not even one reason to stay
Why?
I should've left you
Why?
I can't fogetcha baby
Why?
Ever since I metcha it's
Why?

I still
Light up like a candle burnin when he calls me up
I still
Melt down like a candle burnin everytime we touch
Oh say what you will
He does me wrong and I should be gone
I still
Be lovin you baby it's much too much




9. DES DE MOOR: DON'T LEAVE ME / NE ME QUITTE PAS
Jacques Brel 
submitted by Mabel M

These are two versions of this epic french love song.

Version 1:

Don´t leave me now
We must just forget
All we can forget
All we did till now
Let´s forget the cost
Of the breath we´ve spent
Saying words unmeant
And the times we´ve lost
Hours that must destroy
Never knowing why
Everything must die
At the heart of joy

Don´t leave me now
Don´t leave me now
Don´t leave me now I´ll bring back to you
The clear pearls of rain
From a distant domain
Where rain never fell
And though I grow old
I´ll keep mining the ground
To deck you around
In sunlight and gold
I´ll build you a desmene
Where love´s everything
Where love is the king
And you are the queen
Don´t leave me now
Don´t leave me now
Don´t leave me now

Don´t leave me now
For you I´ll invent
Words and what they meant
Only you will know
Tales of lovers who
Fell apart and then
Fell in love again
Since their hearts stayed true
There´s a story too
That I can confide
Of that king who died
From not meeting you
Don´t leave me now
Don´t leave me now
Don´t leave me now

And often it´s true
That flames spill anew
From ancient volcanos
We thought were too old
When all´s said and done
Scorched fields of defeat
Could give us more wheat
Than the fine April sun
And when evening is nigh
With flames overhead
The black and the red
Aren´t they joined in the sky?
Don´t leave me now
Don´t leave me now
Don´t leave me now

Don´t leave me now
I will cry no more
I will talk no more
Hide myself somehow
And I´ll see your smile
And I´ll see you dance
And I´ll hear you sing
Hear your laughter ring
Let me be for you
The shadow of your shadow
The shadow of your hand
The dog at your command
Don´t leave me now
Don´t leave me now
Don´t leave me now

Translation: Deptford and Greenwich, London, 2 August 1999


Version 2:
10. DON'T LEAVE ME! NE ME QUITTE PAS!


Don't leave me!
Let's forget -
for all can be forgotten
which is gone by already!
Forget the time
of misunderstandings and
the time
lost
finding out how
to forget those hours
which sometimes killed
by blows of "why?"
the heart
of happiness.
Don't leave me!
Don't leave me!
Don't leave me!
Don't leave me!


I will give you
pearls of rain
come from countries
where it never rains.
I will dig up the earth
even in death
to cover your body
with gold and with light.
I will make a kingdom
where love shall be king
where love shall be law
where you shall be queen.
Don't leave me!
Don't leave me!
Don't leave me!
Don't leave me!


Don't leave me!
I shall invent
senseless words
which you will understand.
I shall tell you about
those lovers who
saw twice
their hearts
go up in flames.
I shall tell you
the story of this king
dead
for not having succeeded
in finding you.
Don't leave me!
Don't leave me!
Don't leave me!
Don't leave me!


One has often seen
burst anew the fire
of an old volcano
believed to be spent.
There are, it is said,
scorched lands
yielding more wheat
than the best of April.
And when evening comes,
to make the sky flare up,
don't the black and the red
wed?
Don't leave me!
Don't leave me!
Don't leave me!
Don't leave me!


Don't leave me!
I'll weep no more,
I'll speak no more,
I'll hide right here,
to look at you
dance and smile, to
listen to you
sing
and then laugh...
Let me become
the shadow
of your shadow,
the shadow of your hand,
the shadow of your dog, but
don't leave me!
Don't leave me!
Don't leave me!
Don't leave me!


 

11. SPRAY
The Bobs  (album - "Unplugged")
  (submitted by Ken W)

Even in the fifth grade I knew it was you
I passed you a note with our names in a heart
You say that it's over, I'll never give up
You're more than my life you're my work of art

I've got a spray can full of love
I'll tag your name on every overpass
"Amy, I'm crazy for you...
And I'm sprayin' with my heart--
Larry"

I'll write your name across the sky
In wintertime I'll pee it in the snow
At the beach I'll trace three letters in the sand
And draw them at night with an embers glow

I'll put your name on my license plate
My Amy virus will infect every screen
I'll tattoo A-M-Y on the back of my hands
You'll be in the clear where Waldo won't be seen

I've got a spray can full of love
I'll tag your name on every overpass
"Amy, I'm crazy for you...
And I'm sprayin' with my heart--
Larry"

Amy on buses, Amy on bridges
Amy on every bench in the park
Amy on signs and Amy on fences
I'm spraying like a tom cat --
making my mark

I'll make your name so obvious
Soon the whole world will pray
Why won't Amy say yes to Larry
So that he will go away

I've got a spray can full of love
I'll tag your name on every overpass
"Amy, I'm crazy for you...
And I'm sprayin' with my heart--
Larry"
 



12. LOSER
Beck
submitted by Andy and Patricia

In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey
Butane in my veins so I'm out to cut the junkie
With the plastic eyeballs, spray paint the vegetables
Dog food skulls with the beefcake pantyhose

Kill the headlights and put it in neutral
Stock car flamin' with a loser and the cruise control
Baby's in Reno with the vitamin D
Got a couple of couches asleep on the love seat

Someone keeps sayin' I'm insane to complain
About a shotgun wedding and a stain on my shirt
Don't believe everything that you breathe
You get a parking violation and a maggot on your sleeve
So shave your face with some mace in the dark
Savin' all your food stamps and burnin' down the trailer park

Yo cut it

Soy un perdedor ("I´m a loser" in Spanish)
I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?
Double-barrel buckshot
Soy un perdedor
I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?

Forces of evil in a bozo nightmare
banned all the music with a phony gas chamber
Cos one's got a weasel and the other's got a flag
One's got on the pole shove the other in a bag

With the rerun shows and the cocaine nose job
The daytime crap of a folksinger slob
He hung himself with a guitar string
Slab of turkey neck and it's hangin' from a pigeon wing

You can't write if you can't relate
Trade the cash for the beef for the body for the hate
And my time is a piece of wax fallin' on a termite
Who's chokin' on the splinters

Soy un perdedor
I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?
Get crazy with the cheeze whiz
Soy un perdedor
I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?
Drive-by body pierce
Yo bring it on down

I'm a driver, I'm a winner
Things are gonna change, I can feel it

Soy un perdedor
I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?
I can't believe you!
Soy un perdedor
I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?
Sprechen sie deutsche, baby
Know what I'm saying?




13. WHISKEY LULLABYE
Melonie Cannon
Written by Bill Anderson & Jon Randall
©2003 Sony/ATV Tree Pub./Mr. Bubba Music (BMI)/
Reynsong Pub. Corp./Whayasay Music (BMI)
submitted by Aleta

She put him out... like the burning end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart... he spent his whole life trying to forget
We watched him drink away his pain a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
Till the night

He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And he finally blew away her memory
Life is short, but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said "I´ll love her till I die"
And when they buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby
La-la-la-la

The rumors flew... but nobody knew just how she blamed herself
For years and years...she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank away her pain a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
Till the night

She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And she finally blew away his memory
Life is short, but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
They found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
They laid her next to him beneath the willow
And the angels sang a whiskey lullaby
La-la-la-la




14. BLOODY VALENTINE
Good Charlotte
submitted by Mary B

oh, my love
please don't cry
i'll wash my bloody hands
and we'll start a new life

i ripped out his throat
and called you on the telephone
to take off my disguise
just in time to hear you cry

when you, you mourn the death
of your bloody valentine
the night he died
you mourn the death
of your bloody valentine
one last time

singing, oh, my love
please don't cry
i'll wash my bloody hands
and we'll start a new life

i don't know much at all
i don't know wrong from right
all i know is that i love you tonight

there was police and flashing lights
the rain came down so hard that night
and the headlines read "a lover died"
no tell-tale heart was left to find

when you, you mourn the death
of your bloody valentine
the night he died
you mourn the death
of your bloody valentine
one last time

singing, oh, my love
please don't cry
i'll wash my bloody hands
and we'll start a new life

i don't know much at all
i don't know wrong from right
all i know is that i love you tonight

tonight
he dropped you off i followed him home
then i, i stood outside his bedroom window
standing over him, he begged me not to do,
what i knew i had to do
cause i'm so in love with you

oh, my love
please don't cry
i'll wash my bloody hands
and we'll start a new life

i don't know much at all
i don't know wrong from right
all i know is that i love you tonight
tonight




15. FOOLISH
Ashanti
submitted by Munchie

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby I don't know why ya treatin me so bad
You said you love me, no one above me
And I was all you had
And though my heart is eating for ya
I can't stop crying
I don't know how
I allow you to treat me this way and still i stay

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
Baby I don't know why ya wanna do me wrong
See when I'm home, I'm all alone
And you are always gone
And boy, you kno I really love you
I can't deny
I can't see how you could bring me to so many tears
after all these years

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Oohhhhh
I trusted you, I trusted you
So sad, so sad
what love will make you do
all the things that we accept
be the things that we regret
too all of my ladies (ladies) feel me
c'mon sing wit me

See, when I get the strength to leave
You always tell me that you need me
And I'm weak cause I believe you
And I'm mad because I love you
So I stop and think that maybe
You can learn to appreciate me
Then it all remains the same that
You ain't never gonna change
(never gonna change, never gonna change)

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby why you hurt me leave me and desert me
Boy I gave you all my heart
And all you do is tear it up
Looking out my window
Knowing that I should go
Even when I pack my bags
This something always hold me back




16. AS LONG AS HE NEEDS ME
from "Oliver"
submitted by Sandy B

(Context note: He beats her to death by the end of the show)

As long as he needs me...
Oh, yes, he does need me...
In spite of what you see...
...I'm sure that he needs me.

Who else would love him still
When they've been used so ill?
He knows I always will...
As long as he needs me.

I miss him so much when he is gone,
But when he's near me
I don't let on...

...The way I feel inside.
The love, I have to hide...
The hell! I've got my pride
As long as he needs me.

He doesn't say the things he should.
He acts the way he thinks he should.
But all the same,
I'll play
This game
His way.

As long as he needs me...
I know where I must be.
I'll cling on steadfastly...
As long as he needs me.

As long as life is long...
I'll love him right or wrong,
And somehow, I'll be strong...
As long as he needs me.

If you are lonely
Then you will know...
When someone needs you,
You love them so.

I won't betray his trust...
Though people say I must.
I've got to stay true, just
As long as he needs me




17. #1 CRUSH
Garbage
submitted by Laura P

I would die for you
I would die for you
I've been dying just to feel you by my side
To know that you're mine

I will cry for you
I will cry for you
I will wash away your pain with all my tears
And drown your fear

I will pray for you
I will pray for you
I will sell my soul for something pure and true
Someone like you

See your face every place that I walk in
Hear your voice every time I am talking
You will believe in me
And I will never be ignored

I will burn for you
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart
And tear it apart

I will lie for you
Beg and steal for you
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see
You're just like me

Violate all the love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
You will believe in me
And I can never be ignored

I would die for you
I would kill for you
I will steal for you
I'd do time for you
I would wait for you
I'd make room for you
I'd sink ships for you
To be close to you
To be a part of you
'Cause I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you




18. WHEN HE IS NEAR
from The Sorcerer by Gilbert and Sullivan
submitted by Kitty K

Oh, mother, do not ask!
If my complexion from red to white should change in quick succession
And then from white to red, oh, take no notice!
If my poor limbs should tremble with emotion
Pay no attention, mother, it is nothing!
If long and deep-drawn sighs I chance to utter,
Oh, heed them not, their cause must ne´er be known!

When he is here, I sigh with pleasure,
When he is gone, I sigh with grief.
My hopeless fear no soul can measure.
His love alone can give my aching heart relief,
When he is cold, I weep for sorrow,
When he is kind, I weep for joy.
My grief untold knows no tomorrow
My woe can find no hope, no solace, no alloy!

When I rejoice, he shows no pleasure,
When I am sad, it grieves him not.
His solemn voice has tones I treasure
My heart the glad, they solace my unhappy lot!
When I despond, my woe they chasten,
When I take heart, my hope they cheer:
With folly fond to him I hasten
From him apart, my life is very sad and drear.




19. IF LOVING YOU IS WRONG...I DON'T WANT TO BE RIGHT
Writers: H. Banks / R. Jackson / C. Hampton)
Recorded by Barbara Mandrell, among others
submitted by Denise

If being right means living without you
I'd rather live wrong than right
My Mama and Daddy say "It's a shame..."
"It's a downright disgrace"
But as long as I've got you by my side
I don't care what my people say
My friends tell me there's no future
In lovin' a married man
If I can't see you when I want...
I'll see you when I can

If loving you is wrong, I don't want to be right
If loving you is wrong, I don't want to be right

Am I wrong to fall
So deeply in love with you...
Knowing you've got a wife and two little children
Depending on you too
Am I wrong to hunger
For the gentleness of your touch...
Knowing you've got someone else at home
Who needs you just as much

Am I wrong to give my love
To a married man? 
Am I wrong for trying to hold on
To the best thing I've ever had?
If loving you is wrong...I don't want to be right
If loving you is wrong...I don't want to be right

I don't want to be right...if it means living without you
I don't want to be right...if it means sleeping alone at night
I don't want to be right
If loving you is wrong...I don't want to be right
If loving you is wrong...No, I don't want to be right




20. BABY IT'S YOU
David/Bacharach/Williams
Sung by The Shirelles
submitted by Jeanne H

sha la la la la la la la,
sha la la la la la la la,
sha la la la la la la la,
sha la la la la

it's not the way you smile that touched my heart.
it's not the way you kiss that tears me apart.

uh, oh, many, many, many nights go by,
i sit alone at home and i cry over you.
what can i do. can't help myself,
'cause baby, it's you. baby, it's you.

you should hear what they say about you,
"cheat," "cheat." they say,
they say you never never never ever been true. (cheat cheat)

uh oh, it doesn't matter what they say,
i know i'm gonna love you any old way.
what can i do, when it's true.
don't want nobody, nobody,
'cause baby, it's you.
(sha la la la la la la)
baby, it's you.
(sha la la la la la la)

don't leave me all alone...




21. SWEET TALKIN' GUY
The Chiffons
(writers Doug Morris - Eliot Greenberg)
submitted by Jeanne H

Sweet talking guy, talking sweet kinda lies
Don't you believe in him, if you do he'll make you cry
He'll send you flowers and paint the town with another guy
He's a sweet talkin' guy (sweet talkin' guy)
But he's my kind of guy (sweet talkin' guy)

Sweeter than sugar, kisses like wine (oh he's so fine)
Don't let him under your skin, cause you'll never win (no you'll
never win)
Don't give him love today, tomorrow he's on his way
He's a sweet talkin' guy (sweet talkin' guy)
But he's my kind of guy (sweet talkin' guy)

Why do I love him like I do?

He's a sweet talkin' (sweet talkin') sweet talkin' (sweet talkin')
guy

Stay away from him, stay away from him, don't believe his lyin'
No you'll never win, no you'll never win, loser's in for cryin'
Don't give him love today, tomorrow he's on his way
He's a sweet talkin' (sweet talkin') sweet talkin' (sweet talkin')
sweet talkin' (sweet talkin') sweet talkin'
(sweet talkin') guy

Stay away from him (sweet sweet, sweet talkin' guy)
No no no you'll never win (sweet sweet, sweet talkin' guy)...




22. PIECE OF MY HEART
(Bert Berns/Jerry Ragovoy)
Recorded by Erma Franklin, Janis Joplin, Faith Hill, others
submitted by Ric

didn't i make you feel
like you were the only man?
didnt i give ya everything
that a woman possibly can?

but with all the love i give you
its never enough
but im gonna show you baby
that a woman can be tough

so come on, come on, come on, come one
and take another little piece of my heart now baby
break it
break another little bit of my heart now honey
have
another little piece of my heart baby

you know you got it
if it makes you feel good.

you're out on the street looking good
and you know deep down in your heart
that ain't right

and oh you never, never hear me
when i cry at night

i tell myself that i cant stand the pain
but when you hold me in your arms
i say it again.

so come on, come on, come on, come on and
take it
take another little piece of my heart now baby
break it
break another little bit of my heart now baby
you can have
another little piece of my heart now baby

you know you got it
if it makes you feel good.




23. I'LL NEVER SAY NO TO YOU
From The Unsinkable Molly Brown
submitted by Mary F

I'll never say no to you
I'll do what you want me to
If you ask me to wait for a lifetime
I'll gladly wait for a lifetime or two
Just to look at you
I'll smile if you say be glad
I'll weep if you want me sad
Today is tomorrow if you want it so
I'll stay or I'll go
But I'll never say no.




24. WHAT GOES ON
Lennon/McCartney
submitted by Stephen E

What goes on in your heart?
What goes on in your mind?
You are tearing me apart
When you treat me so unkind
What goes on in your mind?

The other day I saw you as I walked along the road
But when I saw him with you I could feel my future fold
It's so easy for a girl like you to lie
Tell me why

What goes on in your heart?
What goes on in your mind?
You are tearing me apart
When you treat me so unkind
What goes on in your mind?

I met you in the morning waiting for the tides of time
But now the tide is turning, I can see that I was blind
It's so easy for a girl like you to lie
Tell me why

What goes on in your heart?

I used to think of no one else, but you were just the same
You didn't even think of me as someone with a name
Did you mean to break my heart and watch me die?
Tell me why

What goes on in your heart?
What goes on in your mind?
You are tearing me apart
When you treat me so unkind
What goes on in your mind?




25. HE HIT ME (And It Felt Like A Kiss)
The Crystals
(Carole King, Gerry Goffin)
submitted by Stephen E

He hit me
And it felt like a kiss
He hit me
But it didn't hurt me

He couldn't stand to hear me say
That I'd been with someone new
And when I told him
I had been untrue

He hit me
And it felt like a kiss
He hit me
And I knew he loved me

'Cause if he didn't care for me
I could've never made him mad
He hit me
And I was glad

Baby won't you stay
Baby won't you stay
Baby won't you stay
Never go away

He hit me
And it felt like a kiss
He hit me
And I knew I loved him

'Cause when he took me in his arms
With all the tenderness there is
He hit me
And he made me feel

Baby won't you stay
Baby won't you stay
Never go away
Baby won't you stay
Baby won't you stay
Baby won't you stay
Never go away
Baby won't you stay
Baby won't you stay
Baby wont you stay
Never go away
Baby won't you stay




26. PLEASE HURT ME
Little Eva
(Gerry Goffin/Carole King)
submitted by Stephen E

If you gotta hurt somebody, please hurt me
& if you gotta break a heart, then please break mine
I won't cry if you deceive me
I'll take it with a smile
I know someday you will leave me
But at least I'll have you for a while
So darlin', if you gotta hurt somebody, please hurt me
& if I have to be a plaything, that's what I'll be
Please hurt me, oh please hurt me
Come on & please hurt me
Why don't you please hurt me




27. I'VE GOT TEARS IN MY EARS
(FROM LYIN' ON MY BACK IN MY BED WHILE I CRY OVER YOU)
(by Harold Barlow)
submitted by Stephen E

I've got tears in my ears from lyin' on my back
In my bed while I cry over you
And the tears in my ears, they're off the beaten track
Since you said "It's goodbye, we are through"
So if I should get water on the brain
You will know you're the one who is to blame
I've got tears in my ears from lyin' on my back
In my bed while I cry over you.

I've got tears in my ears from lyin'on my back
In my bed while I cry over you
I've been cryin' these tears and soakin' in my sack
Since the day I found you were untrue
And if I don't get up pretty soon
I'll turn into a sleepy lagoon
I've got tears in my ears from lyin' on my back
In my bed while I cry over you.

I've got tears in my ears from lyin' on my back
In my bed while I cry over you
It's been so many years, my sacroiliac
Feels as though it's been soaked through and through
Oh, you lied when you said we'd take the plunge
Now I know how it feels to be a sponge
I've got tears in my ears from lyin' on my back
In my bed while I cry over you.




28. BREATHE AGAIN
Toni Braxton.
Lyrics by Babyface
submitted by Stephen D

If I never feel you in my arms again
If I never feel your tender kiss again
If I never hear I love you now and then
...
Please understand if love ends
Then I promise you, I promise you
That, that I shall never breathe again
...

And I can't stop thinkin' about
About the way things used to be
...
And I can't get you outta my head
...
And I can't stop doin' without
Without the center of my life
And I can't get you outta my head
And I know I can't pretend
That I won't die if you decide
You won't see me again

And I can't get you outta my mind
...
And if you walk right out my life
... I'd surely die
And I can't stop doin' without
...
For I would surely fall apart
...
And I would die if you decide
You won't see me again

If I never feel... hear...
Then I promise you, I promise you
That, that I shall never breathe again.




29. YOU OUGHTA KNOW
Alanis Morissette
submitted b Stephen D

I want you to know, that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both
An older version of me
Is she perverted like me
Would she go down on you in a theatre
Does she speak eloquently
And would she have your baby
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother

Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, till you died
But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

You seem very well, things look peaceful
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her

Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, til you died
But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

Cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know




30. I NEVER LOVED A MAN (THE WAY I LOVE YOU)
Aretha Franklin
  submitted by Ric

youre no good
heartbreaker
youre a liar and youre a cheat.
i dont know why
i let you do these things to me
my friends keep tellin me
that you aint no good.
oh they don't know
id believe you if i could
 
guess im uptight
and im stuck like glue
cuz i aint never
i aint  never
never no
loved another man
the way that im loving you.
 
some time ago i thought
you would run outta fools
but i was so wrong
you got one youll never lose
 
the way you treat me is a shame
how could you treat me so bad?
baby you know im the best thing
that youve ever had
 
kiss me once again
dontcha never never say that were through
cuz i aint never
never
never
gonna love
another man the way i love  you
 
i cant sleep at night
and i cant eat a bite
i guess ill never  be free
since you got
your hooks in me
 
oh yeah yeah
i aint never loved a man
aint never loved a man
who hurt me so bad
i know what im gonna do about it
im gonna hold on




31. DROWN IN MY OWN TEARS
Ray Charles and others
(writer: Henry Glover)
  submitted by Ric

it brings a tear oh into my eyes
when i begin to realize
you know i've cried so much,
well  since you've been gone,
whoa i know i'm almost drowning
drowning in my own tears,
 
i sit and cry now just like a child.
don'tcha know my pouring  tears
i wanna tell ya  they are runnin' wild.
but if you don't think
that you'll be home soon, well its alright...
say i believe im gonna  drown
drown in my own tears
 
yeah hey i know it's true
let me tell you that into each life
oh i know some rain,
i know some  rain must fall.
i'm so blue now
that every day here without you
lemme tell ya it keeps raining
more and more and more and more.
more and more and more.
 
oh why can't you
say youll come on home
well so i won't
i dont wanna be...i dont wanna be all alone
yeah but if you don't think
you'll be home soon, oh  its alright
i said i believe that im gonna
  (drown in my own tears)
you know sometime when i hear you sing this song it makes me wanna
  (drown in my own tears)
you know sometime i get up early in the mornin and feel like im gonna
  (drown in my own tears)
ohhhhh you sound so sweet tonite lemme hear you sing it again
  (drown in my own tears)
you know i wanna tell you right now i believe im gonna drown
  (drown...)
oh whoa oh 
 (in my...)
in my own
(tears)
tears


32. A LIFETIME TOO LATE
Peter Himmelman
(submitted by Ken W)
 
It's a quarter past midnight,
I'm drowning in the moonlight,
The telphone rings and it all disappears.
And I pick up the receiver,
And though I'm a believer,
My ears cannot accept what I'm about to hear.
 
It's you and you're telling me, "I've got it all wrong"
You're trying to explain, that you and I belong
Together and you know, that I want it too
I'm a thinkng to myself, this girl's come unglued.
Baby you have faded, so far from my mind.
There's not a reason in this world, to be kissing my behind.
 
It's been a lifetime too late, to say you're sorry
A lifetime too late, to say you're sorry
A lifetime too late, to say you're sorry to me
It's a lifetime too late.
 
Well, you know I ain't the one, who handed down your sentence
Though I admit that I subscribe to repentence.
But there ain't no use in trying, at least that is with me
You might have tricked me once, but now it's plain to see
All you're little moves, so clever and rehearsed
They don't mean a damn thing now that the bubble has burst.
 
It has been a lifetime too late to say you're sorry
A lifetime too late, to say you're sorry
A lifetime too late, to say you're sorry to me.
It's been a lifetime too late, yeah...
 
Well you can hang up the phone, I can't stand to see you cry.
Well now, you say you're so alone, well baby don't you even try
 
Well they say that vindication is as rare as it is sweet
This kind of justice makes the circle so complete
And I want to tell you one thing, before I go
You are the biggest loser that this world will ever know
And I've made a recording of this entire talk
Now I'm going back to bed and you can take a walk.
Yeah, you just walk on ...
 
It has been a lifetime too late to say you're sorry
A lifetime too late, to say you're sorry
A lifetime too late, to say you're sorry to me.
Yeah it's a lifetime too late, yeah...
 


 
33. IT'S HARD TO KISS THE LIPS AT NIGHT
Cherry Bombs
(submitted by Anna G)

She used to call me baby... I thought she was such a lady
But my how things have changed since times moved on

I gave her my last dollar... And now all she'll do is holler
Oh my life has become a country song

I've learned she can resist me by the way she always disses me
And comes to bed at night, with that cold cream on

Sometimes I might feel frisky but these days it's just too risky

It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long
All day Long
It goes all day long

If a tree fell in the forest, She didn't hear it, would I still be wrong

I guess I should admit it
She ain't never gonna quit it

It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long

Spoken Voice:
Man I remember when her eyes used to be so blue and shiny
God you oughtta see what's happened to her hiney
(Her what?) her hiney
Man that thing is big enough to land a small plane on.
(Small plane?) I'm tellin' ya
I used to roll her in the the clover, (mmm mmm) but thank god those days are over
(Hallelulia!)

It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long
All day Long
She naws on and on
If some day they drop the big one,
I'd say sweet Jesus, She's gonna finally leave me alone

It's alright if we say it
'cause the radio won't play it.

It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long

It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long




34. UNREQUITED TO THE Nth DEGREE
Loudon Wainwright III, on the album "Unrequitted"
(submitted by Ken W)

Oh when I die & it wont be long
Oh you're gonna be sorry that you treated me wrong
You're gonna be sorry that you treated me bad
And if there's an after life I'll gloat & I'll be glad

Might be a plane crash, or some sort of O.D.
Might be a photograph in my obituary
You might see it & you'll cry a lot
Might want to wear black
Oh, I'd be dead but you can bet your life, I'm gonna get you back!

I'm tired of being stuck up on your shelf
Might not wait around, Might kill myself
Not only would you miss me, you'd feel guilty too
Oh I'd be dead but it'd be too late the joke would be on you.

Ha ha ha ha, ho ho ho ho
Chuckle chuckle chuckle chuckle
Snigger snigger snigger snigger
Guffaw Guffaw Guffaw Guffaw Guffaw Guffaw
Yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk

So you better take a warning & start treating me good
Start doing the things that I think you  should
You better not pout & you better not cry
The grim reaper is coming to town & I just might die
 



35. I'M ALRIGHT
Loudon Wainright III
(submitted by Ken W)

Woke up this morning, and I didnt feel that bad
last night was definitely not one of the worst I ever had,
ate some dinner,
drank a few drinks,
didnt miss you baby, no matter what you think,

went back to my hotel room, went straight to bed,
I did not moan, I did not cry, I did not wish I was dead
I'm alright,
I'm alright,
I'm alright without you.

Woke up this morning and I didnt have the blues,
So I pulled on my tube socks, laced up my running shoes,
went to the resevoir to jog a mile or two
I didnt think about our love and I wasnt missing you,
 
went back to the hotel room,
I took a few phone calls,
clean sheets on a made up bed,
and art works on the walls

I'm alright,
I'm alright without you.

I woke up this afternoon, and I sat up in my bed,
There was a knawing in my gut and a pounding in my head,
So I went to the bathroom, to the medicine chest,
there was razor blades and sleeping pills and all the rest, 
but I was in control baby, I was so relaxed,
I found my self my dental floss, my favorite kind unwaxed !

I'm alright
I'm alright
I'm alright baby yeah,
I'm alright without you.....

COMEDY SONG AWARD

We recently learned that out of over 140,000 songs entered in the

JUST PLAIN FOLKS MUSIC AWARDS

our song
"COMMON SIDE EFFECTS INCLUDE"

won the award for
"BEST COMEDY / NOVELTY SONG."

I wrote this one with my pal Richard Helm of Nashville,
a great guy and a complete nut.

This song is one of two new ones on the double CD sampler,
"SAVING THE WORLD FROM WHINY VICTIM LOVE SONGS,"
To listen to a couple of minutes of the song, and to read
the press reviews, visit the CD website.
(It's the second song on the list, left side of the page. Reviews are at the bottom.)
http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/gregtamblyn7

Here are the lyrics:

COMMON SIDE EFFECTS INCLUDE
© 2002 Greg Tamblyn, Richard Helm

Do you suffer from common loneliness
Like something in your life is missing
There's a drug you´ve probably heard of
A natural high called kissing
Kissing every day melts your blues away
A sudden lift in mood
The more you kiss the greater your bliss
Common side effects include:

Sweathy palms, heavy breathing, goose bumps, damp knickers, foolish remarks,
baby talk, chapped lips, self help books, phone calls at midnight, flower shops,
sudden trips to the drugstore, chocolate

Do you need something stronger
Kissing´s just not powerful enough
There's a riskier remedy
It´s generic name is making love
The potency of this drug is awesome
Leaves you on your knees in gratitude
Burns more calories than a 10K run
Common side effects include:

Emotional attachment, fear of commitment, euphoria, panting,
spontaneous screaming, new toys, strange pills, endorphin overload,
loss of bodily control, frequent contact with latex, addiction, babies

Lovemaking but still lonely
Don't be quick to disparage
You just need a lifetime dose
A sacred drug called marriage
Being someone else's universe
Will change your attitude
But you'll need a legal prescription
´Cause common side effects include:

In-laws, therapy, credit card debt, meatloaf, tupperware parties, riding mowers, Saturdays at Home Depot, practical birthday presents, holidays with strange relatives, enlargement of butt or belly, teenagers

If these side effects become too much
You'll need a different drug of course
To counteract all these results
Takes strong medicine: divorce
The danger with this drug
Is that you'll start a family feud
That's crude and lewd, and comes unglued
And leaves you feeling screwed
And waiting to be sued
With a tendency to brood
Optimism skewed....
Common side effects include:

Despair, euphoria, despair, euphoria, despair, euphoria,
personal growth, custody battles, lunch with lawyers,
itemization of personal idiosyncracies, adds in personal columns,
freedom, loneliness, freedom, loneliness, freedom, loneliness...

Do you suffer from common loneliness
Like something in your life is missing
There's a drug, it´s over the counter
It´s everywhere, called kissing.....

THE FULL MONTY (at the airport)

Recently at SeaTac airport I won the Super Special Secret Security lottery. Actually, it's like the opposite of winning the lottery. That little SSSS gets printed on your boarding pass, and you don't even get the fun of scratching off the gray stuff. And if you think the regular security line can get long, you should try the SSSS one. Not a good place to have Type A-Ness.

So I was crammed into this tight, snaking line with all the other winners, moving at the speed of a glacier, and the general mood was about what you'd expect for a combination root canal and prostate exam. I felt my own impatience starting to make itself known, and decided I needed a distraction. Just then my alcoholic inner guide, Clyde, woke up and suggested playing Let's Make A Deal.

So when I finally got to the metal detector, I said in a loud voice to the TSA guy on the other side, "All right, Monty, I'll take Door Number One! What d'ya got for me?"

The guy looked a little startled, tried not to smile, and said very seriously, "Boarding pass, please."

I passed my pass to him and when he motioned me to walk through, I said, "Congratulations, Greg, you've won some lovely gamma radiation--over your entire body!"

Then he said, "Are these your bags sir?"

And I said, "Yes, Monty, do I get to keep them, or do I have to trade them for Door number 2?"

He said, "Sir, we'll have to inspect them, and you'll have to go with this man here to be wanded."

I said, "Wow, Monty, a free inspection AND a wanding! This is incredible. I'm so glad I chose Door Number One."

So then the new Monty says, "Just sit right over here sir and raise your left foot."

I said, "Monty, this is great. Do I get some reflexology with this?"

And he says, "Nope. I'm afraid that was Door Number 2." (This Monty was a slight improvement.)

I said "Darn it, Monty. Well, I guess you can't win everything."

He said "Raise your other foot now sir."

I said, "It's Greg, Monty. You can call me Greg. Especially since this is so personal."

He said, "Okay, stand up, Greg, I have to wand your body now."

I said, "Wow, a full body wand! Monty, this is exceptional. But I can't see you back there. So be careful where you put that thing."

He said, "I'll have to pat you down, now."

I said, "Great, a massage! Monty, what do I have to trade you for this?"

"Nothing sir, it's all part of the service."

I said, "Monty, if you're gonna touch me all over, you have to call me Greg."

He said, "Please undo your belt buckle now, sir."

I said, "Monty, no man has ever said that to me before. Can't you get the lovely Carol Merrill to do this?"

"Okay sir, you're clean. Your bags are coming."

I said, "Monty, it was all over so quickly."

Just then another TSA guy brought my carry-ons over. And I said, "Wow, I even get to keep my bags! Door number one is fabulous. Hey, did you see anything in there you want to trade for?"

He said, "Those look like some nice headphones."

I said, "Hey, you want 'em? I'll trade 'em for that cool TSA shirt you got on. What do ya say, Monty?"

This Monty just smiled (a little) and said, "Have a good flight, sir."

I said "Hey Monty, what does that TSA stand for anyway?"

He said, "Transportation Security Administration."

I said, "Oh, good. I was starting to think it meant Terribly Serious Ashcroft-impersonator."
 

TUNETOWN E-NEWS #26 *** SUMMER 2004

3 REALLY GOOD REASONS TO ENJOY THE NOW
(A SHORT HISTORY OF NEARLY EVERYTHING)

All of you out there who really really loved science in school, raise your hands. Okay, you can both put your hands down. Wouldn't it be great if there had been a science course that introduced you to the wonders of the universe with a fascinating story full of brilliant discoveries by intriguing, weird characters? Well this wonderful little book by Bill Bryson, A SHORT HISTORY OF NEARLY EVERYTHING, is like the science course you always wished you could take. I'm on my 5th -- that's right, 5th -- time through it, over a span of 3 months or so, listening on CD.

Bryson starts with the smallness of the atom, moves through a little recipe for the Big Bang, and proceeds to take us on a delightful journey to who we are and how we got here. Or at least how we think we did. Along the way we discover some very idiosyncratic characters (Isaac Newton for example), some noble ones, some not so noble ones, and some downright devious ones. He weaves together just about every branch of science (at least all that I can think of) into a seamless and fascinating narrative that reads like a good novel.

Among the several dozen captivating nuggets of information are three ways our very own planet (not us humans) could just eradicate us all tomorrow, with essentially no warning, and basically nothing we can do about it. As a former geology major (I always wanted to be a rock star), I found these particularly fascinating.

1. We´ve recently learned that large asteroids cross the orbit of the earth several times a year. maybe even several hundred times. There are a lot of near misses we don´t know about, because we don't watch the heavens for asteroids. So the most warning we would get is about one second. One asteroid the size of a house would destroy a city. A larger one could cause global catastrophe on a scale most of us can´t imagine. Think dinosaur extinction. In fact, the history of life on earth is a series of mass extinctions, and the one that killed off the diosaurs was not even the biggest. Remember, dinosaurs were here for about 170 million years. So far we´ve been here less than 1/1000th of that.

2. Say the word "volcano," and most of us think of Mt. St Helens, Vesuvius, Etna, or one of the Hawaiian volcanoes. Most of us don´t even know about the 30 "super calderas" on this planet. Super calderas are huge, smoldering basins that erupt with devastating consequenses every few hundred thousand years or so. 29 of them are in the ocean, building islands. The 30th is part of a continent. What is it? Where is it? It´s Yellowstone National Park. This was only realized in the last 30 years since NASA has been taking photos from space.

What we know is Yellowstone erupts about every 600,000 years. The last time was about 630,000 years ago, so you could say it´s a bit overdue. When Mt. St. Helens erupted in 1980, it sent a layer of ash 3/4 of an inch thick over Yakima, 200 miles away. There´s a layer of ash 8 feet thick in Nebraska from the last time Yellowstone erupted. The last time any of these super calderas erupted was about 80,000 years ago in Sumatra. It´s estimated that it wiped out all human life at that time to numbers of just a few thousand.

3. Another thing we know is that every 500,000 years or so the earth´s magnetic field reverses. We don´t know why, or what happens when it does. But the magnetic field keeps us alive by trapping lethal cosmic radiation and holding it outside the earth. Turns out this reversal is also a few thousand years overdue. And we know the field has weakened about 6% in the last hundred years or so.

Finally, we need to realize that in the grand scheme of things, we´re probably not the ultimate, predestined result of evolution that we vainly like to think we are. In fact, smart palentologists have made a convincing case that we´re kind of a fluke. And if you were to go back and rewind evolution again, there´s just a huge, enormous chance we wouldn´t be around at all.

In a way, we´re just kind of a host for DNA, the most important and powerful molecule on the planet. And we´re not even the most successful or powerful host. Bacteria are. They´ve been around millions of times longer than we have, and they´ll be here long after we´re gone. They can survive quite nicely without us, but we couldn´t live without them for 10 minutes.

So why am I telling you this stuff? It's just that I find all of this to be very humbling. It gives us a big picture perspective about our existence here, which I think is good.

Listening to this book, one gets a sense of the utter vastness of geologic time, the utter limitlessness of space, and the incredible vastness of the space even inside an atom. These are scales we can´t really comprehend mentally. Einstein said time is relative. And that space curves back on itself. Mystics tell us that to really comprehend these things we have to expand our consciousness, to "wake up," to become enlightened. And that when we do, there is only the Now. And that the material part of our being is just a small fraction of all that there really is to us. And that when we realize this, life makes sense somehow, because we transcend it.

I think what this means is get busy meditating.


YOUR SIGNATURE CAN HELP ROMANIAN ORPHANS

The country of Romania is in line for accession to the European Union in
2007. It's something they drastically need to continue to improve the lives of the people who are still trying to recover from years of communist control and the brutal dictatorship of Nicolae Ceaucescu. In 1989-90, after the overthrow and assasination of Ceaucescu, thousands of children were discovered in inhumane orphanages. The policies of Ceacescu included aggressively promoted population growth by banning contraception and abortions for women with fewer than four children and diverting 60% of the gross national product to pay for construction of apartment complexes to better control the people and building an enormous palace (the 2nd largest building in the world next to the pentagon).

International adoption helped many children in the 90s to find permanent stable homes, but as with every good thing, there is a dark side and there were many reports of corruption in the adoption system, even though the majority of the people and agencies were law abiding and legitimate. The EU and particularly the rappateur to Romania (EU representative) Baroness Nicholson of the UK, said that Romania could not become part of the EU until they curbed the corruption in the adoption system. The Romanian government, weighing the political situation, overreacted. They implemented moritorium in 2000 except for children with special needs or over the age of 3. After more pressure from the EU the implemented a law that was just signed recently by President Iliescu which virtually eliminates international adoption as an option for the 80,000 abandoned or orphaned children in Romania still under some form of institutional care hundreds of which had already been referred to waiting families in several countries.

This petition was started to influence President Iliescu not to sign the law. It did't have the desired effect and now we continue to collect signatures and hope to find other ways to help the innocent children caught up in a political game before the legacy of Ceaucescu's institutions returns.

THE 2004 BEST (WORST?) WHINY VICTIM LOVE SONGS AWARDS

The votes are in, the winners announced. and the prizes awarded. No, not the Grammys. The 2004 Best (Worst?) Whiny Victim Love Songs. The contest winners are the songs from any era or genre that do the most to make love a hostage situation, celebrating ideas like "use me, control me, treat me like Kleenex, but love me," or "my life is worthless, only you give it meaning."

My concert audiences and 2,500 email Newsletter recipients were invited to send in their nominations through February 1. Eligible entries could be any song recorded and released to the general public, from any time period or genre. On February 1, we convened a panel of 20 judges, each of whom secretly voted for their top (bottom?) songs. Cash prizes are awarded to the senders of the winners.

So just in time for Valentine's Day (no coincidence), here are the results. Enough of the lyrics have been included to showcase the winning (losing?) qualities.

(Entries are now being accepted for the 2005 Whiny Victim Love Song Awards, announced next Valentine's week. Send them to songs@gregtamblyn.com.
Read about the contest at http://www.GTsongs.com.)



10. SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
recorded by Whitney Houston

("It amazes me how often this song is requested at weddings! A song that
celebrates and glamorizes marital infidelity! It is one of the few songs
on Earth that I actually refuse to perform when requested." -- Laura Sue)

A few stolen moments is all that we share
You've got your family, and they need you there
Though I've tried to resist, being last on your list
But no other man's gonna do
So I'm saving all my love for you

It's not very easy, living all alone
My friends try and tell me, find a man of my own
But each time I try, I just break down and cry
Cause I'd rather be home feeling blue
So I'm saving all my love for you

You used to tell me we'd run away together
Love gives you the right to be free
You said be patient, just wait a little longer
But that's just an old fantasy
I've got to get ready, just a few minutes more
Gonna get that old feeling when you walk through that door
For tonight is the night, for feeling alright
We'll be making love the whole night through
So I'm saving all my love
Yes I'm saving all my love
Yes I'm saving all my love for you



8. (tie) MY MAN
recorded by Barbra Streisand in "Funny Girl"

Oh my man I love him so
He'll never know
All my life is just despair
But I don't care
When he takes me in his arms
The world is bright, alright,
What's the difference if I say
I'll go away
When I know I'll come back
On my knees someday
Oh whatever my man is
I am his
Forever more
It cost me a lot
But that's one thing that I've got
It's my man

Judges comments:
--this one has the twist of no matter how much you treat me like dirt it's better than being alone. Love that desperation....
---this song is my #1 pick. It's like the grandmother of all whiny victim love songs. Its lyrics, as you've reported them, would be bad enough. My friend, however, Dr. Dorothy Marcic, found an original version of the lyrics, which mentioned the man physically beating the woman. When it came time to record the number, those lyrics were struck. Dorothy wrote a wonderful book called "Respect," which traces the history of women's empowerment as reflected through popular music of the last century. She's created a musical/informative show, "Respect," which includes many whiny victim love songs. www.marcic.com to learn about Dorothy and the show. She's cool and so is the show! It's playing in Nashville on February 11...tell all your Nashville buddies about it!



8. (tie) BEING ALIVE from COMPANY
Recorded by Barbra Streisand and others

Someone to hold you too close
Someone to hurt you too deep
Someone to sit in your chair
And ruin your sleep
And make you aware of being alive

Someone to need you too much
Someone to know you too well
Someone to pull you up short
And put you through hell
And give you support for being alive-being alive
Make me alive, make me confused
Mock me with praise, let me be used
Vary my days, but alone is alone, not alive!

Judges comments:
---Give me a break! Could we change the title to "Being Sadistic"
--- I like the way that this songs points out that we have no reason for living if not for being in an intimate romantic relationship (has this person read "bowling alone" by any chance?)
---I was startled to see my beloved Sondheim on the list. I know I'm partial, but I ask that you and your audience consider that this song was written to forward the story of a musical theater show. Yes, at face value, the lyrics are horrendously codependent! But one must realize that this song comes at the end of the show, "Company." The hero, Bobby, a commitment-phobic bachelor, finally realizes he wants love in his life (rather than running from it). In "Being Alive," Bobby states all the *fears* he's accumulated about love. He essentially says, "I'm now willing to take a risk for love." I'd appreciate your sharing this perspective with your audience, especially if the song turns out to be one of the "winners."

---Personally, I love the song "Being Alive" by Stephen Sondheim. Many people "sleepwalk" through love, never TRULY letting themselves be 100% vulnerable and authentic to the other, remaining afraid throughout the entire relationship/marriage, never TRULY commiting in the truest sense of the word. Only in "Real" love can someone "hurt you too deep," "Know you too well," "Pull you up short."  etc.



7. HE'S NO GOOD from "THE LIFE"
Recorded by Jennifer Holiday

Everybody tells me that I'm wrong
Sticking with a man like him so long
Don't they think that 1 already know that
I discovered long ago that

He's no good
But I'm no good
Without him
Don't matter what he's done before
I keep on comin' back for more
He's a fool
But I'm a fool
About him
Believing that he'll change somehow
You think I would have learned by now
But there's nothing I can do
No place I can go
He is all I want
That is all I know
I should cut him loose
Oh, but what's the use
He's no good
But I'm no good without him

Judges comments:
---"But I'm no good without him" - now THERE's an attractive individual.  No doubt written by a Nashville songwriter looking for a hook to write before lunch.
---Although many submissions were certainly equally sick, the deciding factor was the line indicating the victim's conscious awareness of her own patheticness: "Don't they think that I already know that, I discovered long ago that..."



6. EVERYTHING I LOVE
Recorded by Alan Jackson

Coffee keeps me up and I can't sleep
And when I drink too much then I can't eat
Losing you has led me to believe
Everything I love is killing me

Everything I love is killing me
Cigarettes, Jack Daniels and caffeine
And that's the way you're turning out to be
Everything I love, gonna have to give up
'Cause everything I love is killing me

I guess I made a big mistake
Thinkin' you're a habit I can break
Well, I'm addicted to you now I see
Everything I love is killing me



5. WITHOUT YOU
Recorded by Harry Nilsson, Mariah Carey, and others

I can't live
If living is without you
I can't live
I can't give any more
I can't live
If living is without you
I can't give
I can't give any more

Judges comments:
--Too bad Harry Nilson wrote such a great melody to this song.  Didn't he die a while back?  Guess this song was a premonition...



3. (tie) LOVEFOOL
recorded by the Cardigans

Dear, I fear we're facing a problem
you love me no longer, I know
and maybe there is nothing
that I can do to make you do
Mama tells me I shouldn't bother
that I ought to stick to another man
a man that surely deserves me
but I think you do!

So I cry, I pray and I beg

Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
Love me love me
say that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
I can't care 'bout anything but you...

Judges comments:
---These people become stalkers.



3. (tie) HOW DO I LIVE
recorded by LeeAnn Rimes and Trisha Yearwood

How do I get through one night without you
If I had to live without you
What kind of life would that be
Oh and I, I need you in my arms, need you to hold
Your my world,my heart, my soul
If you ever leave baby you would take away everything good in my life

And tell me now
How do I live without you
I want to know
How do I breathe without you
If you ever go
How will I ever, ever survive
And how do I, ohh how do I
Oh how do I live

Without you, there'd be no sun in the sky
There would be no love in my life
There'd be no world left for me
Ohh and I,baby I don't know what I would do
I'd be lost if I lost you
If you ever leave, baby you would take away everything
Good in my life

Judges comments:
---Author needs therapy badly...
---The sun would actually disappear, destorying the entire solar system,
 if she left him. Motivation to hang in there.
---I will tell you: you breathe in, breathe out, eat a balanced meal now and then, drink 8 glasses of water a day and exercise.  Did it ever strike you as odd that this awful song was a theme song to an airplane drama?



2. DON'T YOU EVER GET TIRED OF HURTING ME
Recorded by Ray Price and others

You make my eyes run over all the time
You're happy when I'm out of my mind
You don't love me, but you won't let me be
Don't you ever get tired of hurtin' me

You must think I look bad with a smile
For you haven't let me wear one
In such a long, long while
Still I keep running back, why must this be
Don't you ever get tired of hurtin' me

Judges comments:
---I love the complete helplessness of this song.



And the #1 Whiny Victim Love Song (receiving twice as many votes as the runner up)

LOVE ME
Recorded by Elvis Presley and others

Treat me like a fool,
Treat me mean and cruel,
But love me.
Wring my faithful heart,
Tear it all apart,
But love me.

If you ever go,
Darling, I'll be oh so lonely
I'll be sad and blue,
Crying over you, dear only.
I would beg and steal
Just to feel your heart
Beatin' close to mine

Judges comments:
---This songs reflects so much of the nuances of self loathing, fear, helplessness and worthlessness that I think you were looking for in this contest. It strikes me as almost the anthethisis of any form of love or caring. thought it was great...
---Curse me, beat me, write bad checks but loooove me! - okay you better not write bad checks

THE WHINY VICTIM LOVE SONG CONTE$T!

(Scroll down to see the current entries)


Nobody can listen to all the radio airplay and new music out there, not even me, a dedicated listener. So that´s why I´m enlisting YOU, my fellow crusaders, to help me find and bring into the glare of worldwide scrutiny--and hopefully, consciousness--the best (worst?) whiny victim love songs in the world, every year!

And to show you I´m serious about this lunacy, I´m offering up cold hard CASH for the winning selections. How much? Literally dozens of dollars!

No, seriously, this much:
$200 for the winner
$50 for the next four runners up
Judging is entirely subjective and is done by me and my dedicated staff.

Winning entries will be released during Valentine´s week to news organizations nationwide.

TIP #1: GET YOUR KIDS INVOLVED!
I'm betting they'll be motivated by the $$ to tune in to song lyrics and actually listen to them learn to discern the sick ones. And they listen to stuff you and I would probably never hear.

TIP #2: HERE'S A FINE POINT:
Sad love songs are fine. They can even be helpful if you're in that space. You lose somebody, you feel lousy. Sad love songs can help us grieve. (Up to a point. You might want to set a 10-year limit or something.)

But Victim songs cross a line and say things like:

1. Control me, use me, treat me like a Kleenex, but love me.
2. My life was nothing without you. Only you give it meaning.
3. If you ever leave me, I'll kill myself. Or worse.
4. I always knew you'd leave. I'm a born loser.
5. I'm worthless without you. Manure. Fertilizer. Fly droppings on a slug.
6. My life is over now.
7. Might as well get drunk.

Get the difference?
The more "victim-ish" the song, the better chance of winning.

The rules are simple:

You have to be the first to submit the song. (We´ll use the date we receive your email.)
It has to be a real song, recorded and released for public consumption in some manner.
It can´t already be on my list.
It doesn´t have to be a song released this year, just something that you heard on radio, CD, or somewhere else.
I need as much info as you can give me: preferably song title, artist, and if possible, the offending lyrics, or something close. (I know it´s hard to get that info from the radio sometimes, but with a web search or a phone call, you can usually do it.)
I have to be able to verify the song exists.

Send all entries to songs@gregtamblyn.com
 
For your amusement and perusal, I'm posting all current and future qualifying entries on this page, just below.

Good luck and happy listening!


CURRENT ENTRIES in the WHINY VICTIM LOVE SONG CONTEST!

Winners announced Valentine's Week, 2004


TOXIC
recorded by Britney Spears
(sent by M. Hangen, 11 years old)

With a taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic
I'm slipping under
With a taste of a poison paradise
I'm addicted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic?
And I love what you do
But you know that you're toxic
But you know that you're toxic


LOVEFOOL
recorded by the Cardigans
(sent by Laura Sue)

Dear, I fear we're facing a problem
you love me no longer, I know
and maybe there is nothing
that I can do to make you do
Mama tells me I shouldn't bother
that I ought to stick to another man
a man that surely deserves me
but I think you do!

So I cry, I pray and I beg

Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
Love me love me
say that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
I can't care 'bout anything but you...

Lately I have desperately pondered,
spent my nights awake and I wonder
what I could do have done in another way
to make you stay
Reason will not lead to solution
I will end up lost in confusion
I don't care if you really care
as long as you don't go

Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
Love me love me
say that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
I can't care 'bout anything but you...


SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
recorded by Whitney Houston
(sent by Laura Sue)
("It amazes me how often this song is requested at weddings! A song that
celebrates and glamorizes marital infidelity! It is one of the few songs
on Earth that I actually refuse to perform when requested." -- Laura Sue)

A few stolen moments is all that we share
You've got your family, and they need you there
Though I've tried to resist, being last on your list
But no other man's gonna do
So I'm saving all my love for you

It's not very easy, living all alone
My friends try and tell me, find a man of my own
But each time I try, I just break down and cry
Cause I'd rather be home feeling blue
So I'm saving all my love for you

You used to tell me we'd run away together
Love gives you the right to be free
You said be patient, just wait a little longer
But that's just an old fantasy
I've got to get ready, just a few minutes more
Gonna get that old feeling when you walk through that door
For tonight is the night, for feeling alright
We'll be making love the whole night through
So I'm saving all my love
Yes I'm saving all my love
Yes I'm saving all my love for you

No other woman, is gonna love you more
Cause tonight is the night, that I'm feeling alright
We'll be making love the whole night through
So I'm saving all my love
Yeah I'm saving all my love
Yes I'm saving all my love for you
For you, for you


BEING ALIVE by Stephen Sondheim from COMPANY
Recorded by Barbra Streisand   Broadway Album (1985)
(sent by DeNeice)

Someone to hold you too close
Someone to hurt you too deep
Someone to sit in your chair
And ruin your sleep
And make you aware of being alive

Someone to need you too much
Someone to know you too well
Someone to pull you up short
And put you through hell
And give you support for being alive-being alive
Make me alive, make me confused
Mock me with praise, let me be used
Vary my days, but alone is alone, not alive!


HE'S NO GOOD
By Cy Coleman from "THE LIFE"
Recorded by Jennifer Holiday
(sent by DeNeice)

Everybody tells me that I'm wrong
Sticking with a man like him so long
Don't they think that 1 already know that
I discovered long ago that

He's no good
But I'm no good
Without him
Don't matter what he's done before
I keep on comin' back for more
He's a fool
But I'm a fool
About him
Believing that he'll change somehow
You think I would have learned by now
But there's nothing I can do
No place I can go
He is all I want
That is all I know
I should cut him loose
Oh, but what's the use
He's no good
But I'm no good without him


TEARDROPS WILL FALL
Recorded by Linda Ronstadt
(sent by M. Greto)

I read your letter, tears filled my eyes
All of your promises failing, nothing but lies
So I turned your photograph over face to the wall
And when I dim the lights in my room tonight
Teardrops will fall
Teardrops will fall tonight
Teasr I can't hide
Tears that I triesd to keep deep down inside
Tears from the love that's gone beyond recall
And when I dim the lights in my roon tonight
Teardrops will fall
I'm going to pray tonight baby hoping
you will hear
Maybe you'll right the wrong and dry each tear
I'll sit alone tonight hoping you will call
And when I dim the lights in my room tonight
Teardrops will fall..



CRAZY by Willie Nelson
Recorded by Patsy Cline
(sent by T Rasmussen)

Crazy, I'm crazy for feeling so lonely
I'm crazy, crazy for feeling so blue
And I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted
And then some day you'd leave me for somebody new

Worry, why do I let myself worry
Wondering what in the world did I do

Crazy, for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying
And crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you


SEEDS AND STEMS BLUES
by Commander Cody and the Lost Planet Airman
(sent by B Heusler)

"My dog died just the other day and left me all alone ...
the finance company stopped by today and repossessed my home,
but that's just a drop in the bucket girl compared to losin' you
and I'm down to seeds and stems again too.


YES, I GUESS THEY OUGHTA NAME A DRINK AFTER YOU
John Prine
(sent by K Ray)

If this date were to be our last, I would never put down this glass
It would take all the booze in the world to forget you.
You've left my heart a vacant lot, I'll fill it with another shot and
Yes, I guess they ought to name a drink after you


HAVE A HEART
Bonnie Raitt
(sent by B Hayes)

Hey shut up, don´t lie to me
You think I´m blind but I´ve got eyes to see

Hey, Mister. How do you do?
Oh, pardon me I thought I knew you.

Would you stand back, baby cause I want to get a better look
The big man who couldn´t handle the little bit of love you took
Hey, hey have heart, hey have a heart
If you don´t love me why don´t you let me go

Have heart, oh, don´t you have a heart
Little by little you fade while I fall apart

Oh, darling I love you so
I told you yes and then you told me no

Baby, how can you say
You should be free and I should pay and pay.

You just talk and talk about you and what you need.
But sooner or later your love is gonna make me bleed.

Hey, Hey, Have a heart oh don´t you have a heart
If you don´t love me why don´t you let me go


LOST WITHOUT YOUR LOVE
David Gates, Bread
(sent by K Morenz)

Lost and all alone
I always thought that I could make it on my own
Since you left I hardly make it through the day
My tears get in the way
And I need you back to stay

I wander through the night
And search the world to find
The words to make it right
All I want is just the way it used to be
With you here close to me
I´ve got to make you see

That I´m lost without your love
Life without you isn´t worth the trouble of
I´m as helpless as a ship without a wheel
A touch without a feel
I can´t believe it´s real...


WISHIN' AND HOPIN'
Dusty Springfield
Bacharach and David
(Sent by T Rutledge)

Wishin´ and hopin´ and thinkin´ and prayin´
Plannin´ and dreamin´ each night of his charms
That won´t get you into his arms
So if you´re lookin´ to find love you can share
All you gotta do is hold him and kiss him and love him
And show him that you care

Show him that you care just for him
Do the things he likes to do
Wear your hair just for him, ´cause
You won´t get him
Thinkin´ and a-prayin´, wishin´ and a-hopin´


WHEN SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH MY BABY
Linda Ronstadt, Aaron Neville
(Sent by R Crane)

When something is wrong with my baby
Something is wrong with me
If I know that she's worrying
I know I'd feel the same misery
We've been through so much together
We stand as one
And that's what makes it better
When something is wrong with my baby
Something is wrong with me

CAN'T LET GO
by Randy Weeks, recorded by Lucinda Williams
(sent by S. Williams)

Told you Baby one more time
Don't make me sit all alone and cry
Well it's over, I know it, but I can't let go. 

He won't take me back when I come around
Says he's sorry then he puts me out
I've got a big chain around my neck
and I'm broken down like a train wreck.
Well it's over, I know it, but I can't let go. 


HOW'M I GONNA SLEEP, by Tim Finn
(sent by J. Ralls)

There's a pure idea in every mind,
Waiting to be acted on.
Yesterday we have to leave behind,
Climbing up that hill, never stop.
But I'd prefer that you were next to me,
Making the shape that used to be.

How'm I gonna sleep without you?
I don't want this lonely night.
How'm I gonna sleep, oh baby, I love you,
And I don't need this endless night.

There's an open road on every map,
Waiting to be travelled down.
All we need is faith to bridge the gap,
That lies between our hearts and our minds.
It's staring me blind,
I don't need this endless night, this lonely night.

How'm I gonna sleep without you?
I don't want this lonely night.
How'm I gonna sleep, oh baby, I love you,
And I don't need this endless night.

How'm I gonna sleep when I'm all alone?
How'm I gonna sleep, this house is not a home.
How'm I gonna sleep that dreamy ride through space?
This comet lacks a tail, gotta failure of nerves.

And I don't need this endless night, this lonely night,
And I don't want to be alone, I don't want to be alone.
How'm I gonna sleep?
How'm I gonna sleep?
I don't need this endless night.
How'm I gonna sleep without you?
I don't want this lonely night,
How'm I gonna sleep?
How'm I gonna sleep?

I don't need it,
I don't need this endless night.


BEHIND BLUE EYES
Artist: Limp Bizkit
(sent by Kylia Radney)

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
And no one knows
What it's like to be hated
To be faded to telling only lies
[chorus]
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscious seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like i do, and i blame you!
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain woe
Can show through
[chorus]
Discover l.i.m.p. say it [x4]
No one knows what its like
To be mistreated, to be defeated
Behind blue eyes
No one know how to say
That they're sorry and don't worry
I'm not telling lies
[chorus]
No one knows what its like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes.


CHERISH
Recorded by The Association
(sent by S. Einbinder)

Cherish is the word I use to describe
All the feeling that I have hiding here for you inside

You don't know how many times I've wished that I had told you
You don't know how many times I've wished that I could hold you
You don't know how many times I've wished that I could mold you
Into someone who could cherish me as much as I cherish you

Perish is the word that more than applies
To the hope in my heart each time I realize

That I am not gonna be the one to share your dreams
That I am not gonna be the one to share your schemes
That I am not gonna be the one to share what seems
To be the life that you could cherish as much as I do yours

Oh, I'm beginning to think
That man has never found
The words that could make you want me
That have the right amount of letters,
Just the right sound
That could make you hear, make you see
That you are drivin' me out of my mind

Oh, I could say I need you
But then you'd realize
That I want you
Just like a thousand other guys
Who'd say they loved you
With all the rest of their lies
When all they wanted was to touch your face, your hands
And gaze into your eyes


THAT'S HOW HEARTACHES ARE MADE
by Ben Raleigh & Bob Haley
recorded by Bette Midler
(sent by C.Cole)
 
That's how heartaches are made
That's how heartaches are made
 
They told me I was such a fool to love you
They said that you're the kind who'd never be true
Pretty soon the day would come
When I'd be the sorry one
But I said that I'm not afraid
 
Well, that's how heartaches are made
That's how heartaches are made
 
I went ahead and my heart opened the door
I gave you so much love
No one could love more
You pretended to be mine
How could you be so unkind
With all the other girls you play
 
Well, that's how heartaches are made
That's how heartaches are made
 
I know you're not sincere and you'll never be
But still I want those kisses so desperately
I could never let you go, baby, even though I know
Every rule in love you've disobeyed
 
 
Well, that's how heartaches are made
That's how heartaches are made


NOTHING COMPARES 2 U
by Prince
(sent by E. Tremblay)

It´s been 7 hours and 13 days
Since u took your love away
I go out every night and sleep all day
Since u took your love away

Since you´ve been gone I can do whatever I want
I can see who ever I choose
Eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant, oh yeah
But nothing, nothing can take away these blues
Nothing compares, nothing compares 2 u

It´s been so lonely without u here
I´m like a bird without a song
Nothing can stop this lonely rain from falling
Tell me baby, where did I go wrong?

Oh baby
I can put my arms around every boy I see
But they only remind me of u
I went 2 the doctor, guess what he told me
Try to have fun no matter what u do
But he´s a fool
Nothing compares, nothing compares 2 u

All the flowers that u planted, sugar
In the backyard all died when u went away

Ooh baby, I know that living with u baby
Is sometimes hard, sometimes hard
But I´m willing, I´m willing 2 give it one more try
Nothing compares, nothing compares 2 u
Nothing compares, nothing compares 2 u


HEARTACHES BY THE NUMBER
by Harlan Howard, recorded by Ray Price
(sent by B Frazer)

Heartache #1 was when you left me
I never knew that I could hurt this way
And heartache #2 was when you came back again
You came back but never meant to stay

So I've got heartaches by the number
Troubles by the score
Every day you love me less
Each day I love you more
Yes I've got heartaches by the number
And a love that I can't win
But the day that I stop counting,
that's the day my world will end


MY MAN
by I.Bibo, L.Woods & M.Yvain.
recorded by Barbra Streisand in "Funny Girl"
(sent by L Waalkes)

Oh my man I love him so
He'll never know
All my life is just despair
But I don't care
When he takes me in his arms
The world is bright, alright,
What's the difference if I say
I'll go away
When I know I'll come back
On my knees someday
Oh whatever my man is
I am his
Forever more
It cost me a lot
But that's one thing that I've got
It's my man
Cold and wet
Tired you bet
But all that I soon forget
With my man
He's not much for looks
And no hero out of books
He's my man
Two or three girls has he
That he likes as well as me
But I love him

Oh my man I love him so
He'll never know
All my life is just despair
But I don't care
When he takes me in his arms
The world is bright, alright,
What's the difference if I say
I'll go away
When I know I'll come back
On my knees someday
Oh whatever my man is
I am his
Forever more



IT'S MY PARTY
recorded by Leslie Gore
(sent by L Waalkes)

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you

Nobody knows where my Johnny has gone
But Judy left the same time
Why was he holding her hand
When he's supposed to be mine

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you

Then all my records keep dancing all night
But leave me alone for a while
'Til Johnny's dancing with me
I've got no reason to smile

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you

Judy and Johnny just walked thru the door
Like a queen with her king
Oh what a birthday surprise
Judy's wearing his ring

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you

Oh-oh-oh It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to.....


LUCILLE
Recorded by Kenny Rogers
(sent by L Waalkes)

In a bar in Toledo across from the depot
On a bar stool she took off her ring
I thought I'd get closer so I walked on over
I sat down and asked her name
When the drinks finally hit her
She said I'm no quitter but I finally quit livin on dreams
I'm hungry for laughter and here ever after
I'm after whatever the other life brings

In the mirror I saw him and I closely watched him
I thought how he looked out of place
He came to the woman who sat there beside me
He had a strange look on his face
The big hands were calloused he looked like a mountain
For a minute I thought I was dead
But he started shaking his big heart was breaking
He turned to the woman and said

You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille
With four hungry children and a crop in the field
I've had some bad times lived through some sad times
But this time your hurting won't heal
You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille.

After he left us I ordered more whisky
I thought how she'd made him look small
From the lights of the bar room
To a rented hotel room
We walked without talking at all
She was a beauty but when she came to me
She must have thought I'd lost my mind
I could'nt hold her 'cos the words that told her
Kept coming back time after time

You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille
With four hungry children and a crop in the field
I've had some bad times lived through some sad times
But this time your hurting won't heal
You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille.


EVERYTHING I LOVE
Recorded by Alan Jackson
(Harvey Allen/Carson Chamberlain)
(sent by S. Shapiro)

Coffee keeps me up and I can't sleep
And when I drink too much then I can't eat
Losing you has led me to believe
Everything I love is killing me

Everything I love is killing me
Cigarettes, Jack Daniels and caffeine
And that's the way you're turning out to be
Everything I love, gonna have to give up
'Cause everything I love is killing me

I guess I made a big mistake
Thinkin' you're a habit I can break
Well, I'm addicted to you now I see
Everything I love is killing me

Everything I love is killing me
Cigarettes, Jack Daniels and caffeine
And that's the way you're turning out to be
Everything I love, gonna have to give up
'Cause everything I love is killing me
Everything I love, gonna have to give up
'Cause everything I love is killing me


YOU BELONG TO ME
(Carly Simon/Michael McDonald)
(sent by A. Ungar)

Why'd you tell me this
Were you looking for my reaction
What do you need to know
Don't you know I'll always be your girl
You don't have to prove to me you're beautiful to strangers
I've got loving eyes of my own

(Chorus)
You belong to me
Tell her you were fooling
You don't even know her
Tell her that I love you

You belong to me
Can it be, honey, that you're not sure
You belong to me
Thought we'd closed the book - locked the door
You don't have to prove to me that you're beautiful to strangers
I've got loving eyes of my own
And I can tell - I can tell darling
Tell her - tell her that I love you

You belong - you belong - you belong to me
Tell her you were fooling
Tell her she don't even know you
Tell her you were fooling
I know you from a long time ago, baby
Don't leave me to go to her now
You belong to me.

TuneTown E-News #24 Fall, 2003


NEW CD
CONTEST - THE BEST WHINY VICTIM LOVE SONGS!
WEBMASTER / DESIGNER WANTED
ARIZONA RETREAT
YOUR LIFE IN PERSPECTIVE
IRELAND TOUR
CHECK OUT THIS MOVIE
UPCOMING SCHEDULE

NEW CD

Okay, I know what you're thinking: "Greg, it's only been a couple of years since The Grand Design came out. You can't have written enough new (good) songs for a whole new CD already." And you're right. I haven't. But I did get a wild hair to put together a compilation, really more as a marketing tool than anything, to hopefully open some new doors to new audiences and new adventures. So I've collected some songs from the previous 6 CDs (what my friend Bowen White calls my "Greggest Hits"), plus a couple of new ones, and assembled a two-disc package called
"Saving the World From Whiny Victim Love Songs."
If you want to take a peek at the cover, here's a link:
http://gtsongs.home.att.net
(Personally, I think it's kinda cute.)

The new songs are
"Self-Employment Made Harder By Difficult Boss," and
"Common Side Effects Include."
There are also two new live versions of
"The Shootout at the I'm OK, You're OK Corral" (with updated lyrics), and
"My Life is a Beer Commercial."
As with The Grand Design, there is one disc of live songs (funny), and one disc of studio tracks (not so funny). The manufacturer tells me it's very close to being ready--about another week--so when it's officially available it'll be right there in the CD Gallery on my home page.

CONTEST - THE BEST WHINY VICTIM LOVE SONGS!

Nobody can listen to all the radio airplay and new music out there, not even a dedicated listener like me. So that´s why I´m enlisting YOU, my fellow crusaders, to help me bring into the glare of worldwide scrutiny--and hopefully, consciousness--the best (worst?) whiny victim love songs in the world, every year!

And to show you I´m serious about this lunacy, I´m offering up cold hard CASH for the best selections. How much? Literally dozens of dollars! No, seriously, this much:

$200 for the winner
$50 for the next four runners up
Judging is entirely subjective and is done by me and my dedicated staff.

Winning entries will be released during Valentine´s week to news organizations nationwide, with the winners names announced if they so desire.

TIP: GET YOUR KIDS INVOLVED! This is a great way to encourage them to tune in to song lyrics and learn to discern the sick ones. And they'll be motivated by the $$.

The rules are simple:

You have to be the first to submit the song. (We´ll use the date we receive your email.)
It has to be a real song, recorded and released for public consumption in some manner.
It can´t already be on my list.
It doesn´t have to be a song released this year, just something that you heard recently on radio, TV, CD, or somewhere else.
I need as much info as you can give me: preferably song title, artist, and if possible, the offending lyrics, or something close. (I know it´s hard to get that info from the radio sometimes, but with a bit of digging or a phone call you can usually do it. Web searches are usually fruiful.)
I have to be able to verify the song exists.
Send all entries to songs@gregtamblyn.com

Thanks, good luck, and happy listening!

WEBMASTER / DESIGNER WANTED

My good friend and fantastic web guy Jamie is now so busy heading up a community action organization that he no longer has time to do his web business. So I'm looking for sombody good, fast, and reliable, who can do some basic web designing for me and is available for small periodic changes every few months. Solid references are a must, and obviously, you'll have some work out there on the web I can look at.

Please email me at greg@gregtamblyn.com or give me a call at 816-756-0069.

ARIZONA RETREAT

We still have a few spots open for the January 16-18 weekend retreat with myself and Bill Raines (Silly Billy), Mr. Now, himself. Bill is a beautiful, gentle, and funny soul who teaches about living the Power of Now, and other highly useful things. This is my first weekend experience with him, but he's been doing these for years to tremendous effect and rave reviews. We'll be in the beautiful, restful setting of Pine Haven in northern Arizona. There'll be lots of co-creating, lots of fun, lots of community, a fair amount of music (if I have anything to say about it, and I do), and a nice weekend of connecting and rejuvenating. For all the info, please visit his website at
http://www.billraines.net
Then click on "Weekend Intensives."

YOUR LIFE IN PERSPECTIVE

Usually these newsletters feature a piece I've written about something (or somebody) interesting, funny or inspiring that's crossed my path and affected me. But with this issue, I'm going to let a man in India do the writing. My feeling is that most of us get way too little good news from other parts of the world. I enjoyed this account of what happened in his village so much that I want to share it with you. Please do yourself a favor and visit this link for the few minutes it takes to read his story. I promise you'll be uplifted by the possibilities you encounter, and the resiliency of the human spirit. And you're likely to have a much greater appreciation of your situation in life.
http://www.treesforlife.org/Dusty%20Angel/index.html

IRELAND TOUR

My apologies to all of you who have been waiting for info about a possible tour to Ireland next year. After much soul searching, I'm regrettably pulling the plug and announcing I've decided not to host it. I'm sincerely sorry if this causes you any inconvenience. I can't say exactly why I've changed my mind, except that it feels like a year to do some other things, including staying home more. We recently moved my parents back to Kansas City because they need support, so that has something to do with it. It's one of those inner voice things, and for once I'm listening.

It's my understanding that Rev. Bob Wasner of Unity of Columbus IS leading a tour to Ireland April 26 - May 7, and I would recommend checking it out if you still want to go. Bob is a great guy and a very experienced tour leader. The contact info is: Karen Swehla, International Religious Tours, 888-687-8204, or email her at karens1@pacbell.net

CHECK OUT THIS MOVIE

Recently at the home of a friend in Minnesota I played a few songs for several of his friends. Turns out one of the guys there, Shawn Otto, has written a major movie that's coming out this Christmas: "The House of Sand and Fog," with Ben Kingsley and Jennifer Connelly. For a little preview, you can take a look here:
http://www.dreamworks.com/houseofsandandfog/
It looks great to my eye, and he's a nice guy, so I'm happy to pass along his good news. Pretty hard thing to get a movie script produced. Kind of like winning the lottery. Congratulations Shawn!

TuneTown E-News #23 June 2003

In this issue:

CULTURAL HUMOR
FRENCH KISS


CULTURAL HUMOR

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
African tribes drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans
The French and Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
Apparently the highest risk factor for heart attacks is speaking English.

(Thanks to Kim Avary for sending that one)


Here's an old joke about the European difference between heaven and hell.

In Heaven,
the police are British
the mechanics are German
the cooks are French
the lovers are Italian
and the whole thing is run by the Swiss.

In Hell,
the cooks are British
the police are German
the mechanics are French
the lovers are Swiss
and the whole thing is run by the Italians.


FRENCH KISS

Having recently returned from 18 days in France during the time of nearly foaming-at-the-mouth anti-French venom from many corners of the US (see George Will, Jonah Goldberg, Rush Limbaugh, et al.), I felt compelled to give a little "How I spent my summer vacation" perspective on the experience.

France is definitely different from here. As Steve Martin used to say, they speak a whole other language over there! They think a bit differently as well. And to paraphrase what the French have famously said about the sexes,
vive la difference.

For example:

They eat snails, we eat big macs. I'd call that about even on the disgust-o-meter, but obviously, a lot of people like both.

They drink a lot of wine, we drink a lot of coke.
At least wine comes from a real plant. One point for France.

France has the Riviera. we have the Florida Keys and southern California.
Could be a tossup, depending on your perspective. (Being male, I give a point to France on a close call because of the prevalence of topless beaches.)

They still have a few toilets where you have to stand up to poop.
Quaint, maybe once. Point for us.

They get seven weeks vacation, we get two. Point for France.

We invented rock and jazz. They´re still trying to copy them. Point for us.

They have Voltaire, we have Mark Twain. Even.

They have the Legion of Honor, we have the Legion of Superheroes. Point for us.

They have the Arc de Triomphe, we have the St. Louis Arch. Point for France.

We have San Simeon, they have Versailles, Mont St. Michel, and the Louvre.
Point for France.

France has the Eiffel Tower, we have the Statue of Liberty
(but they gave it to us). Even.

We have the Grand Canyon, they have prehistoric cave paintings. Even.
(You have to see the cave paintings to get this.)

In France, Jerry Lewis is revered as a great film artist.
(No one can explain this.) Point for us.

In the US there's room to drive a big car if you want to. Point for us.

In the US, you're surrounded by gas-guzzling, pollution-belching, sight-blocking SUVs on the road. Point for France.

We have baseball, football, hockey, and basketball. They have basketball.
Sort of. Point for us.

They have health insurance for everybody. Point for France.

They have better food, we have better service.
Tough call. Depends on how hungry you are. Even.

We have New Yorkers, they have Parisians. Even.

We have New York, they have Paris. (Sorry New York, not even close.)
Point for France.

They have Lyon and Marseilles, we have San Francisco and New Orleans.
Point for us.

In France you can drive a few hours and be in several other countries. In the US you can drive for several hours and still be in New Mexico. Or Kansas. Tossup on this one, depending on whether you like lots of space, or lots of culture.

The US is made for entrepreneurs. If you have a dream, you can pursue it freely, usually. France is a web of regulations that can strangle even the best business ideas. Point for us.

France has much lower rates of stress, burnout, overwork, and accompanying health problems. (Did I mention the seven weeks of vacation?) Point for France.

French workers go on strike at the drop of a hat, bringing schools, subways,
you name it, to a halt. Point for us.

France has Jacques Chirac, we have George Bush.
Even. (But at least Chirac can speak English.)

We rescued them in two World Wars. (The older people in France remember and respect this.) They saved our butts in the American revolution.
(Anybody here remember this from school?) Even.

We armed Saddam Hussein to the teeth and are in denial about it.
They sold all kinds of stuff to Iraq and are coy about it.
Again, about even on the disgust-o-meter.

The main thing is, during almost three weeks in France including five days in Paris, not once did I hear anything even remotely anti-American. Most of the strangers I met were friendly and usually delightful. And the people I actually know in France say they generally recognize and admire American ingenuity, energy, and efficiency. And in those ways maybe even wish they could be more like us. But they also are far more worldly, more relaxed, far more appreciative of--and take more time for--the natural pleasures of life. Maybe they're also better able to see different sides of an international situation due to living in close proximity to so many other countries, cultures, and languages.

The bottom line is we have it great here in America, but man, do we have tunnel vision. We need to travel more.

TuneTown E-News #22 January 2003

BUSINESS AND CONSCIOUSNESS

In this era of Enron, Worldcom, and Harvey Pitt, it's easy to get cynical and discouraged about corporate America. Fortunately there is a light shining on many of the positive trends in business around the world. You may not hear much of it on the evening news, but we got a real healthy dose of the good stuff at the recent International Conference on Business and Consciousness.
For example:

A CEO of of a world-wide industrial carpet and floor covering company is committed to going 100% "green" within the next several years. His company has already made tremendous strides, and has also been listed as one of the top 100 companies to work for in the US. (The CEO: Ray Anderson. His company: Interface. His book: "Mid-Course Correction - Toward A Sustainable Enterprise: The Interface Model." The website: http://www.IFSIA.com.)

Another CEO reports that practicing the highest spiritual/interpersonal values with his employees and customers pays huge dividends, and transforms the workplace into a community of believers who share hope and love. And that feedback from customers at the point of employee contact is the most significant factor in building growth, employee morale, and teamwork. (The CEO: Victor Hunter. His company: Hunter Business Direct. His book: "Business to Business Marketing: Creating a Community of Customers." Website: http://www.hunterbusiness.com)

("Take this job and Love it!")

A Human Resources executive in a large hi-tech firm has created innovative ways to connect top brass with employee needs and feedback, and to introduce altruism at all levels of the organization. One example: co-creating an employee skit which was so effective it caused company management to reverse a decision which denied benefits to partners in same-sex relationships. (The executive: Barbara Waugh. The company: Hewlett-Packard. Her book: "The Soul in the Computer: The Story of a Corporate Revolutionary.")

Other ideas I found interesting and helpful:

Companies that reward and celebrate their employees in fun, creative ways have better employeees, more loyalty, less burnout, and less turnover. "Seeing work as play" is an idea whose time has come! There are hundreds of easy fun ways to do this, and it's a great way to let imaginations loose. (The consultant: Matt Weinstein. His company: Playfair. His book: "Work Like Your Dog!"
Website: http://www.playfair.com.)

(I definitely think we'll be re-instituting the annual "piefight day" here at TuneTown!)

Companies that align their "brand" with one archetype (rather than a combination), are more easily identified because they resonate deep within human consciousness, and tend to be more successful. Examples:
The Explorer: Levis, Starbucks
The Innocent: Ivory soap, Disney
The Caregiver: Campbell's Soup, AT&T
It's fascinating stuff. (The consultant: Carol Pearson, PhD. Her Company: Success Partners of America. Her book: "The Hero and the Outlaw: Building Extraordianry Brands Through the Power of Archetypes."
Her website: http://www.herowithin.com.)

(Overheard later in the bar........"Hey Baby, what's your archetype?")

A values-aligning process known as Hoshin has proven to be hugely succesful at building company focus and morale when the employees participate as a group. It also works wonders individually, helping determine what is the number one driver in your life. Hoshin is like your Inner Compass, or your Guiding Star. When you align your destiny (your guiding star) with your intent, the wind is at your back. (Consultant: Mathhew Cross. His company: Leadership Alliance. Upcoming book: "The Unofficial Beatles Guide to Corporate Values."
Website: http://www.leadershipalliance.com.)

(All you need is love....)

One strategy for conflict resolution is to not actually "try" to resolve the conflict, but instead to "hold the differences." Meaning, each person listens to the other's viewpoints and opinions without abandoning their own. Then, they don't rush to resolve the conflict, but stay with the impasse and allow it to do its work. This can take time, but creates a space for unimagined outcomes to appear. (The consultant: Susan Campbell. Her company: Getting Real Resources. Her book: "Getting Real: Ten Truth Skills You Need To Live an Authentic Life."
Her website: http://www.susancampbell.com.)

(Hey...if I'd known about this before, I might still have a girlfriend....)

What I haven't mentioned so far is the tremendously satisfying network of friendships that form with people from all over the US and around the world. It's really wonderful to be in a community of people who believe in doing business better--with heart and soul.

If any of this is appealing to you in the least, I encourage you to go to
http://www.bizspirit.com
and let The Message Company know of your interest in future conferences. I have REALLY enjoyed and benefitted from this conference.
(I get no commission--honest! I just love this thing.)

Happy New Year everybody!

A LITTLE PERSONAL GOOD NEWS

I've just learned that my CD,
"HOW COULD LIFE BE BETTER THAN THIS"
has been nominated for the
JUST PLAIN FOLKS MUSIC AWARDS.
Out of 8,000 CDs entered, it has made it into the final nine (9!) in it's category: "BEST CONTEMPORARY ALBUM." The award will be announced at the Just Plain Folks Music Awards Dinner and Show on March 1 in Los Angeles. I won't be able to attend because of my tour in Florida, but heck, just being nominated is pretty darn juicy for a little soul hanging out here in Kansas City....
Definitely made my Christmas a little sweeter.

If you don't have this CD, you can listen to some of the tracks right here on the website in the CD Gallery.
If you'd like to peruse the other nominees, and/or learn more about Just Plain Folks (a grassroots organization supporting independent music and musicians), just follow the link to:

http://www.jpfolks.com/MusicAwards/2002JPFAlbumNominees.htm

That's it for now. Thanks for your support. Be silly,
Greg

TuneTown E-News #21 December 2002

In this issue:

HOLIDAY HUMOR
BO KNOWS PRISON


HOLIDAY HUMOR

A 75-year old man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "Son, I hate to tell you this, but after 45 years of marriage, your mother and I have decided to call it quits. We're getting a divorce."

"Pop, what are you talking about?!" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man said. "We're sick and tired of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her." And he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting a divorce," she shouts. "I'll take care of this."

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" And she hangs up.

The man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "All set, Honey," he says, "The kids are coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."

(Thanks to Kathi Jaibur for sending this one)


BO KNOWS PRISON

I can think of only one thing I get in the mail that always makes me drop everything and plop myself down to read it right away: the Human Kindness Foundation newsletter from Bo Lozoff. Bo and his community of committed folks are dedicated to helping people that other people consider the dregs of society--inmates--find a way out of their mental/emotional/and spiritual prisons, even if they can't always leave their physical ones. Bo's articles, and even more so, his answers to letters from prisoners, are so full of insight, compassion, and inspired practical philosophy, that I'm always left with gratitude, hope. and renewed commitment to my own spiritual work.

Rather than gushing on about how great I think Bo's work and writing are, here's a recent letter from an inmate, and Bo's response:

Dear Bo:

Hello, my friend. I am in need of advice. I know you´ve dealt with convicts for many years and I know you give good advice. This prison I´m in has me classified as one of the dangerous convicts and got me living on lifer/death row. Every guy is a lifer, except 6 guys who are death row inmates. My trouble is there are two death row inmates who want to kill me. These guys are blood-thirsty killers. Both have killed right here in prison.

Both guys have officers who will let doors open "by accident." The killer in the cell next to mine says when I get dayroom time (exercise), he will arrange for us to have dayroom together so he can kill me. Death row inmates and max custody are not allowed to yard or dayroom together, but cops do bend rules a lot, and I´m not too well-liked by a lot of officers who can open our door together and declare it as an accident, and want to see me get killed!

All the guards and inmates know I´ve become a Buddhist and taken vows to not indulge in any more violence and not to kill! And now I´m confused because when I get dayroom privileges in a few months, I´ll have to do something. I do not want to hurt or kill this guy. All I want is peace. But I have a history as a good fighter in both boxing and martial arts, and as a guy who won´t back down. But I swore to not fight again, ´cause the last time I fought, it was a death fight with another martial artist.

I´ve killed three people in this lifetime; one in a drunk-driving accident, one out of anger, and one in a death fight, it was me or him, and he lost. After the last one, I swore to never use martial arts fighting again and burned my belt and silk robe. But I can´t really fight without using the arts. I do not want to hurt or kill this guy! But what do I do, Bo? The guy has told me if I don´t kill him, he will kill me. I´m not ready to die, and I don´t want to kill him!

In here, even if a guy alerts the administration that their life and well-being are on the line, they say, "Prove to us your life is in danger." Their motto is, "If you ain´t losing blood or dead, your life is not in danger!" So alerting administration or asking for a transfer is a waste of time! Do I face one of these two killers and kill him and get the death sentence, or do I let one of them kill me? What do I do, Bo? I need your wise advice. Please write me back as soon as possible, please? I´ll close for now! Peace to you, my friend!

Peace, T

Dear T,

Sorry to hear you´re in such a bind. I can´t wave a magic wand and make it easy, but maybe I can help you see the whole situation as clearly as possible. When we are able to see clearly, the solution is often right there in front of us, even if it is a bitter pill to swallow.

My first advice is to accept this conflict as an important challenge on your spiritual journey. It is not random or meaningless. There´s something in this that you need to learn from.

There are two guys who want to kill you, an administration that doesn´t care, guards who will turn the other way, etc. At the same time, as part of your spiritual journey, every problem carries a teaching for your own good, and you never have to go through these things alone.

Your chief problem – and I think the center of this teaching God is sending you – is that you have vowed not to harm others anymore, and yet you don´t yet feel ready to die for your beliefs.

One of those positions has to give. If nonviolence is the most important principle, then have faith that God will decide whether you live or die. Mahatma Gandhi walked right up to the guy who was hired to kill him and said, "Here I am. Do what you need to do." He would easily choose dying over fighting. The guy fell at his feet crying, by the way.

If I were attacked nowadays, I would probably defend myself, because I am not where Gandhi was. But I would do it – as you can do also – making every possible effort not to lose myself in anger, and not to kill my opponent. If you are a skilled martial artist, then it is not very difficult for you to incapacitate your opponent rather than kill him. Break his leg, knock him out, break his jaw. Why would you need to kill him?

My son, Josh, is a black belt in Aikido. When a disturbed homeless man tried to steal the winter coat of a poor child Josh was taking care of, Josh apologized to the homeless guy for not being able to allow him to take the coat. He said several times, "I´m sorry, and I don´t want to hurt you, but please understand that I can´t allow you to take this child´s only coat. So it´s your choice – you can give it back, or I will be forced to take it from you, and I really don´t want to do that." That encounter did not result in a fight, and the kid got his coat back.

So does your problem stem from those guys on death row, or the guards, or the prison, or from your own confusion and spiritual pride? The cons and guards and prison are just doing their normal prison stuff, aren´t they? You can never fully control all of that. You can only choose your own response to it.

Either decide that not fighting is worth dying for, and rely on God to be with you "in the valley of the shadow of death;" or else consider that maybe your vow not to fight was a little prideful. You do not have Gandhi´s fearlessness about dying. Gandhi´s life did not matter at all to Gandhi; he had long ago given it over to God. If your life matters very much to you, then acknowledge the truth of where you are in your journey, and act in accordance with that truth.

God may be giving you this lesson now so you can set yourself on a truer path with more humility and self-honesty. All of us should avoid violence as much as possible. But especially in prison, you cannot always guarantee you can live without ever raising your fist. What would happen if you needed to defend someone else? Would you allow someone to be raped or beaten to death just so you can keep your promise not to fight?

You mentioned that you are a Buddhist. The Buddha himself committed murder in a previous life. He was told that a certain evil man was going to sink a ferry carrying five hundred people. The Buddha prayed and reflected over what to do. Should he kill the man to save five hundred lives? Or should he remain nonviolent, letting life proceed as it must? Finally, he chose to kill the man, but not just to save all those lives. The Buddha killed the man for the man´s own sake, to save him from the karma of committing five hundred murders.

You should try to spare those death row guys from the karma of killing you. That is the whole basis of Aikido – it is an act of mercy to defend yourself, so that your attacker is prevented from bringing more harm into the world and to himself. It´s not you versus anyone. You´ve been seeing only from your personal point of view. That´s understandable, but it won´t get you to where you want to go.

The other thing you seem to be giving up on without trying is to transfer into SMU or another prison. You said the administration doesn´t care, but that is their part. You need to do what is right for you to do, and let others wrestle with their own decisions. Tell the chaplain or a caseworker the situation, ask for their help to avoid bloodshed, and see what happens.

And obviously, trying to communicate as clearly as possible with the guys who threaten to kill you is something else you need to do. Make it clear you do not wish to see them as enemies, and that they have serious choices to make in their own lives about all of this. Appeal to the highest in them, not because you know it "will work," but simply because it is the right thing to do. If you do wind up having to go toe-to-toe with these guys, you need to know you did everything within your power to resolve it nonviolently. Your letter shows a lot of "why bother, nothing will work," which is not productive.

Back to the beginning – accept this important teaching. Use it. Walk with it in an honorable way. Don´t keep treating it as an annoyance which should not be happening. That would be missing the point big time. And please keep me posted, okay? I care, and we´ll be praying for you. Miracles do happen, you know. But we have to do a lot of work sometimes to receive them.

Your loving brother, Bo

More letters and articles are available in the "A Little Good News" link at the Human Kindness Foundation website:
http://www.humankindness.org

Bo, his wife Sita, and their staff live extremely simply, and distribute tens of thousands of life-changing books, tapes, and newsletters to prisoners for zero cost to the prisoners. Amazingly, in 30 years they have never done any fundraising. Their postage bill alone runs well over $100,000 per year. They exist solely through the generosity of people like you and me. I've been meaning to write about their work here for awhile now, because they are one of the groups I support financially. So if you're looking for a place to send a little gift this season where you can be assured it will do a world of good, I encourage you to consider HKF.

Here's another option: I'm donating 100% of my proceeds from internet CD sales in December to HKF. So you can buy CDs as gifts for somebody else or yourself, and the money will go to Human Kindness.

Halloween Greetings!

Just a note to say please go see "Bowling For Columbine." This is a powerful, sometimes hilarious, sometimes sad and sobering look at gun violence in America, by Michael Moore, author of "Stupid White Men," and maker of the documentary "Roger and Me."

Just go see it. If you don't like it I'll pay for your ticket. No tricks. Just a treat.

Greg

TuneTown E-News, Number 20. Summer, 2002.

In This Issue:

LIFE AND CHANGE IN ONE MAN'S CHINA
HIGHLIGHTS OF OUR JULY TOUR TO CHINA AND TIBET



LIFE AND CHANGE IN ONE MAN'S CHINA

When Li was four years old in China, he watched his father being tortured. It was a hot summer day in 1970, and the torturers were the Red Guard of Mao's Cultural Revolution. They made his father put on a fur hat and coat, fur pants, and then semi-squat in the middle of a ring of small clay ovens. The ovens were hot with burning coal. If his father squatted too low, he would get too close to the ovens, maybe catch on fire. If he stood up, the Red Guards would beat him on the head, maybe knock him unconscious. This went on for a whole day. And then more days. Then a few months altogether.

They wanted him to admit he was a spy. He had left the army a few years before. They figured there must be something wrong for him to quit the army--such a good position--so he must be a spy. Li's father knew that if he admitted spying (not true), the torture would end. But then he would get thrown into a prison, and most likely disappear. A lot of people disappeared then. Millions, in fact. His father was a strong man, strong enough to withstand this torture, and smart enough not to say anything. So he survived.

This is what Li saw when he was 4 years old.

The strange thing is that the Communist party was so pervasive and persuasive in it's propaganda, that just a few years later as an adolescent, Li was seriously considering joining. But somehow, every time he was about to sign up, something inside kept him from being able to fully commit. Maybe the distant memory of seeing his father squatting inside that ring of ovens....

So instead of the Party, Li poured his passion into school, and did exceptionally well. He was one of only three students from his entire province allowed to come to Beijing and study English. Soon thereafter came another life changing event.

As Li's education progressed, he became more politically idealistic, and grew disillusioned with the corruption and degeneration in the Chinese communist party. So in the spring of 1989 it was a natural step for him to join the student movement in Tiananmen Square, which he did enthusiastically. It was a heady time, with growing masses of students swelling the square daily. They were joined by workers and even professionals, all of whom were fed up with the system and wanted a change to democracy, the sooner the better. Preferably now.

Li could feel the average Chinese person was totally behind them. Everyone he talked to was supportive, enthusiastic, ready for change. Li often slept at the square. On the occasions he and his friends slept at school, taxi drivers would not charge them for rides back to the square to demonstrate. Food, toilets, and other necessities almost magically appeared for the demonstrators.

Then one evening in late May, as the demonstration was in full force, Li and some friends stopped a truckload of soldiers headed for the square. They explained to these young soldiers what they were doing and why they were so passionate. They explained to them that their military pay was so pitifully low because of corruption and degeneration. They explained how nepotism was rife throughout the party and the government.

Li grew passionate as he told me this story. He related with a calm and sincere intensity how the soldiers listened and believed them. He swears he even saw tears on their faces. He knows they were getting through to them.

And that is the last thing he remembers until he woke up in the hospital. He had intense pain in his head, and he later found out he had been hit from behind by a policeman. Li was in the hospital with a concussion for seven days. When well enough to leave he was sent back to his remote province.

He never found out what happened to the seven friends who were with him. They disappeared.

Many months later, Li was allowed to return to Beijing and finish his studies. For weeks he was subjected to surprise interrogations by police at odd hours. These would sometimes last all night. Like his father 20 years before, he knew enough to say very little. Like most people, he felt the students had been defeated.

But according to Li, in 1992 the Chinese leader Deng Xiaopeng somehow realized it had been a mistake to kill the students in Tiananmen Square in 1989. Deng then went to the south of China for a month to live with farmers and factory workers. After this, he announced a new policy of privatization of some businesses, and partnership with the government of some others. This was actually the slow beginning of a radical change for China.

Li feels that in many ways this policy has been hugely successful. The Chinese people enjoy more freedom now than they have for decades. Li could now travel to the US or almost anywhere else if he chooses. Despite high unemployment in places, problems with farm policies, and a widening gulf between haves and not-haves (sound familiar?), Li claims the Chinese economy is arguably the most stable in Asia.

Li has softened his idealistic stance. He sees now that it is not possible to change a huge monolithicstructure like the Chinese Communist party, or the Chinese government, overnight. He is more practical, more realistic, and more patient. He has a wife and young son now, and is more aware of and focused on the pleasures and joys of everyday life. He knows that more change will come, but that it will take time. The young people of China today are interested in progress. They have access to the internet. They want the freedom and prosperity they see in the rest of the free world. They have no interest in the politics and the ideas of Mao. This will bring change.

For these reasons, Li now views Deng Xiaopeng as a liberator of China. Deng was, in Li's words, "a smart guy." And because of this, he sees the student movement of 1989 as an unqualified success.

The policy of China now is "One country, two systems." Communism and capitalism.

The Russians have a saying: "You know the difference between communism and capitalism? In communism, man exploits man. In capitalism, the reverse is true."


HIGHLIGHTS OF OUR JULY TOUR TO CHINA AND TIBET
(Photos posted on the Group Travel page)

....Meeting and spending enough time with Li to hear his remarkable story (above), and to feel the strength and depth of his passion for life and for positive change....

....The little village near Beijing where I wandered down a dusty street and into a tiny, family owned shop. Sort of like a mini Chinese version of a 7-11. I met a cute young girl and her mother who owned it. The girl was a university student home for summer, and spoke some English. So we talked for all the time I had, and they kept inviting me to sit have tea, and stay longer. She wants to be an English teacher, so I gave her my address, and if she writes I'll write her back....

....The wonderful stories, good humor, genuine friendship, and professional expertise of our rock-and-roll loving, Elvis-singing Chinese guide, Winston, as he steered us entertainingly around Beijing and the rest of China as well....

....Our 15-going-on-21-year-old Britney Spears look-alike Lindsey, getting gapes and stares from all the Chinese men because she's such a young blonde beauty, and Lindsey taking it all in stride, having great fun honoring the three or four thousand requests to have her picture taken with them....

....Our fun-loving, guitar-and-harmonica-playing, Eddie Murphy look-alike Randolph, who lifted us all with his Caribbean joie de vivre, and got almost as many picture requests as Lindsey....

....Arriving in Tibet and stopping for a look around a small village, then being invited by a young Tibetan student into his humble home, seeing the dirt floor, simple beds, stacks of colorful wool blankets. Then looking in an even smaller room with an open stove and stacks of dried dung for burning, and not being able to help noticing that everything in this simple kitchen was black with soot. Being offered some homemade beer and not sure whether it was safe to drink, but deeply touched by his hospitality....

....Our hotel restaurant in Lhasa, where we sat next to a table of seven Chinese gentlemen engaging in a toasting "game," in which our beautiful Chinese waitress would sing a song to each man in turn. During his song, the man being sung to would have to take many properly timed ceremonial drinks of whatever libation he was holding, each time his glass being refilled, and at the end of the song he would have to down the entire glass. As Randolph and I applauded each man in turn, soon it became apparent that we were expected to participate. Fortunately for me, I was drinking water. Unfortunately for Randolph, he was drinking Pepsi....

....Later that night holding an improvised concert in the lobby, organized by Randolph, where we all sang songs together for the visitors and staff in the hotel, were again joined and serenaded by our awesome Chinese waitress with the beautiful voice, and ended by standing and holding hands with many of these "new friends" while singing the Peace song for them....

....Watching the talented Tibetan weavers at the yak wool rug factory, who surprised and delighted us when they started singing for us as they wove their beautiful rugs. Then of course we had to sing for them in turn, so we serenaded them with "Heart of the Mother" and Randolph's Caribbean "Gooley Gooley Wash Wash," which they picked right up and sang with us, with obvious delight....

....Later hearing some chanting coming from another building and discovering a roomful of Tibetan women spinning yak wool into yarn on primitive wheels made of sticks, singing all the while, and after them singing for us then us for them, with the great gift of even more smiling faces....

....The little boys and girls by the factory giggling and strumming my guitar as I played chords for them....

....Standing on the steps of the Potala Palace, and a few members of our group accidentally and spontaneously making up a joke: Why does the Dalai Lama go to the horse races? Because he likes "Tibet..." (I didn't say it was a good joke)....

....Our group singing on the spur of the moment for the 25 or so monks at the Drepeng monastery (largest in Tibet) we happened upon, who obviously enjoyed it immensely (maybe they thought we were funny?). Afterward we took a group photo with them and they asked to have a copy of the picture (should soon be on my website)....

....The sheer joy and giddiness of our group as we boarded the rather cushy cruise ship on the Yangtze river in Chunqin, after a somewhat difficult three days in Tibet where the altitude kicked a lot of our butts, to put it mildly....

....Finding out that Chunqin is the largest city in the world with 33 million people, and realizing I'd never even heard of it....

....Decaf coffee at breakfast on the cruise ship, the only place on the trip that ever had it....

....The amazing foot and massage treatments we got all through China for just a few dollars, and how great I always felt afterward....

....The size of the Three Gorges Dam on the Yangtze, seeing it from both sides and above and realizing I was witnessing the largest construction project in the history of the world....

...Seeing again the beautiful clean air and fascinating skyline of Shanghai, with it's ultra-modern futuristic buildings on one side of the river and the more traditional, European style buildings on the other. Enjoying the beautiful sunset cruise through the heart of this city on my last night in China....

....Remembering the faces, smiles, and kind words of all the people I met, and feeling grateful for the opportunity to go someplace so far away from what I know, and get my heart and mind and eyes opened a little more, yet again....